[recreating her Emmy acceptance speech]
You know, a lot of people get up here and they thank Jesus for winning these awards. I want you to know that no one had less to do with me winning this award than Jesus. In fact, I don't even think he likes me. If it was up to Jesus, Cesar Millan would be up here with that damn dog. But he's not and I am, so all I can say is - suck it Jesus, this award is my god now.
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