The Jerk Theory (2008)

Jesse Heiman: Clinton

Quotes 

• Clinton : Wait. Isn't Ricky Martin Cuban?

• Clinton : Is it true nuns are married to God?

  Father Bailey : Yes. Yes, nuns have taken a vow of celibacy.

  Clinton : Didn't YOU?

  Father Bailey : Yes. Yes, I did.

  Clinton : So, are you married to God, too?

  Father Bailey : I think I know where you're going with this, Clifford, and I... I-I'm not gay. And neither's God. Ask Sister Vasquez. Of course, you know, the wife's usually the last one to find out.

• Clinton : [dressed gayly and getting hit on by a guy]  Scram, loser. I'm as straight as they come.

  Bartender : Sure you are, yummy boy.

  Clinton : This closet's closed.