- Wes Doobner: [In commercial] Howdy, folks! Are you tired of family arguments on where to go to dinner?
- Homer Simpson: Sometimes I think about getting on a bus and never coming back.
- Marge Simpson: That's funny. There's nobody here.
- Homer Simpson: More ribs for me!
- Bart Simpson: There are no tables or chairs.
- Homer Simpson: More ribs for me!
- Lisa Simpson: And there's no sign of an oven, kitchen or food anywhere.
- Homer Simpson: [uneasy] More ribs for me?
- Marge Simpson: Oh, TiVo remote, you have a season pass to our heart. Today I discovered Lost, watched all of Rome in a day, and watched Two and a Half Men in two-and-a-half minutes. Then the cache was full, so I had to erase something. I had to choose between Sophie's Choice and Schindler's List.
- Sideshow Bob: Sideshow Bob, hoisted on his own petard.
- Lisa Simpson: Actually, that's hoisted *by* his own petard.
- Sideshow Bob: Oh, get a life.
- Bart Simpson: Nice try, Sideshow Bob. But you didn't count on one thing.
- Sideshow Bob: What's that?
- Bart Simpson: You stink like my butt! Take him away, boys.
- Sideshow Bob: Why must I feed him straight lines?
- Shop Clerk: Want to try a new camcorder, sir?
- Homer Simpson: All I'm here for is a battery!
- Shop Clerkette: Care to make love, sir?
- Homer Simpson: Battery, battery, battery!
- Sideshow Bob: I snuck into America amidst a bunch of undocumented Canadian comedy writers for The Jimmy Kimmel Show... whatever that is.
- Krusty the Clown: [singing in tribute at Bob's Funeral, to the tune of "Candle in the Wind"] And it seems to me, your loyal fans, should buy this DVD! It's got lots of Special Features and a few Deleted Scenes, like when you fell down, and split your pants, and we saw your frank and beans.
- All the Simpsons: [singing to the tune of "For he's a jolly good fellow"] We're going to a restaurant Grand Opening, we're going to a restaurant Grand Opening, we're going to a restaurant Grand Opening, but don't fill up on bread!
- Homer Simpson: That's how they getcha!