Sheldon: I'll watch the last 24 minutes of Doctor Who, although at this point it's more like Doctor Why Bother.
Leonard: The only way we can play teams is if we cut Raj in half.
Raj Koothrappali: Oh, sure. Cut the foreigner in half. There's a billion more where he came from.
Raj Koothrappali: Can we please make a decision? Not only are there children starving in India, there's an Indian starving right here.
Leonard: What's wrong?
Penny: Well, um, Christy and Howard are kind of hooking up in my bedroom.
Leonard: Are you sure?
Penny: Look, I grew up on a farm, OK? From what I heard, they're either having sex, or Howard's caught in a milking machine.
Christy: There's my little engine that could.
Howard Wolowitz: Chugga-chugga-chugga...
Sheldon: There's another beloved children's book I can never read again.
Leonard: Sheldon, think this through. You're going to ask Howard to choose between sex and Halo.
Sheldon: No, I'm going to ask him to choose between sex and Halo 3. As far as I know sex has not been upgraded to include high-def graphics and enhanced weapons systems.
Leonard: You're right, all sex has is nudity, orgasms and human contact.
Sheldon: My point.
Penny: Hey, if you guys need a fourth, I'll play.
Leonard: Great idea.
Sheldon: No. The wheel was a great idea. Relativity was a great idea. This is a notion and a rather sucky one at that.
Sheldon: Why? Oh, Penny, Penny, Penny.
Penny: Oh, what, what, what?
Sheldon: This is a complex battle simulation with a steep learning curve. There are myriad weapons, vehicles and strategies to master, not to mention an extremely intricate back story.
Penny: [explosion] Oh, cool! Whose head did I just blow off?
Penny: Okay, I got this. Lock and load, boys!
Leonard: It's the only way we can play teams.
Sheldon: Yes, but whoever's her partner will be hamstrung by her lack of experience and not to
Sheldon: mention the fact that...
Penny: Ha Ha! There goes your head again.
Sheldon: Okay, that's not good sportsmanship to shoot somebody who's just respawned. You need to give them a
Sheldon: chance... now, c'mon.
Sheldon: Raj, Raj, she's got me cornered. Cover me.
Penny: Cover this suckers.
Leonard: Penny, you are on fire.
Penny: Yes, so is Sheldon.
Sheldon: Okay, that's it. I don't know how, but she is cheating. No-one can be that attractive and this skilled at a video game.
Penny: Wait, wait. Sheldon. Come back, you forgot something.
Penny: This plasma grenade.
Penny: [laughs] Look! It's raining you.
Sheldon: You laugh now. You just wait until you need tech support.
Sheldon: Okay, this cereal has lost all its molecular integrity. I now have a bowl of shredded wheat paste.
Sheldon: You laugh now, you just wait until you need tech support.
Penny: Gosh. He's kind of a sore loser, isn't he?
Leonard: Well, to be fair, he's also a rather unpleasant winner.
Penny: Well, it's been fun.
Leonard: Penny, we make such a good team. Maybe we could enter a couple of "Halo" tournaments sometime.
Penny: Or we could just have a life.
Leonard: I guess for you, that's an option. Ha-ha. Ha.
Howard Wolowitz: [On answering machine recording] You have reached Howard Wolowitz...
Christy: ...and Cristy.
Howard Wolowitz: And we can't come to the phone right now because we're having sex!
Christy: You're not going to put that on the answering machine, are you?
Howard Wolowitz: Just kidding, I'll re-record it.
Leonard: Penny, if you promise not to chew the flesh off our bones while we sleep, you can stay.
Sheldon: [glaring at Leonard] He's engaging in reductio ad absurdum.
Sheldon: It's the logical fallacy of extending someone's argument to ridiculous proportions and then criticizing the result. And I do not appreciate it.
Chen: Where's your annoying little friend who thinks he speaks Mandarin?
Sheldon: He's putting his needs above the collective good.
[to the other guys]
Sheldon: Where he comes from, that's punishable by death.
Chen: *I* come from Sacramento.
Penny: You used my loofah?
Howard Wolowitz: More precisely, we used your loofah. I exfoliated her brains out.
Sheldon: [as Penny makes up the couch to sleep on she puts the pillow on the end of the couch closest to the door] Hmm-hmm, wrong.
Penny: [Turning to face Sheldon with a glare] I'm listening.
Sheldon: Your head goes on the other end.
Sheldon: It's culturally universal. A bed, even a temporary bed, is always oriented with the headboard away from the door. It serves the ancient imperative of protecting oneself against marauders.
Penny: I'll risk it.
Sheldon: [high pitched] Hmm.
[and turns away]
[there is a knock at the door]
Sheldon: Oh, what fresh hell is this?
Sheldon: Penny, we would very much appreciate it if you would be the fourth member of our Halo team. I don't think I need to tell you what an honor this is.
Penny: Aww, that's so sweet but I'm going out dancing with a girlfriend.
Sheldon: You can't go out, it's Halo night.
Penny: Well, for Penny it's dancing night.
Sheldon: Do you go dancing every Wednesday?
Sheldon: Then it's not dancing night.
Christy: [arguing] All I'm saying is you could take the plastic off the couch!
Mrs. Wolowitz: Why? So you and Howard can hump on it?
Howard Wolowitz: When they perfect human cloning, I'm getting twelve of those.