Synopsis for
"Rescue Me" Lesbos (2009)

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The guy's gather around the tube in the firehouse. Lou tries to fix the TV, which has inconveniently gone out before "the finals." Needles asks if the game is on.

No, "Dancing with the Stars."

At the bar benefit for Sean's kidney fund, there are hot chicks everywhere, but none of them will talk to Sean, not even when he mentions he just lost a kidney. Apparently, "hey, I just lost a kidney to cancer" sounds like a line.

Franco surveys the crowd, suggesting Carla came through and it's time to stop with the "Carla's a lesbo" talk.

Lou raises a toast at the bar and announces he's getting hitched.

Hot hot Mrs. Needles the slutty mail order bride comes in, already half in the bag. The guys take advantage of her poor English skills to ask a few personal questions.

On the stage, Mike rocks out. He stage dives, but this being a bar and not a rock show, he hits the floor.

Tommy's drunk-again relatives enjoy being off the wagon. Mickey suggests they take it down a notch and go find a meeting.

There's a long pause.

He's kidding.

Teddy announces he's going to scope chicks. Now that he's drinking again, so is his wife Ellie. She'd never notice if he got a little play.

Speaking of weddings, Eddie asks Tommy when he was going to tell them about Lou and Candy. That'd have to be after Tommy knew about it. Which can start now.

Lou and Feinberg watch Mrs. Needles make out with a chick across the bar. Tommy asks Lou about his impending marriage. Lou says he's following Sean's "live for the moment" advice.

Mike finishes singing and joins them, saying he, too, will be following Sean's advice and will give up firefighting to focus on his music.

Just then the bouncer runs in, futilely trying to shut the door behind him, then apologizes to the guys for not being able to stop them. The hot tide turns.

A crowd of butch lesbians enter.

One starts making out with Mrs. Needles as the guys look on, trying to figure out how to break it up. They're intimidated by the burly woman.

Teddy says he's 3-0 against lesbians, he'll take her. He pulls her off Mrs. Needles and gets punched in the face, but doesn't waver. Then he fights back and a lesbians-on-firefighters brawl breaks out.

Outside, Lou tells Tommy they lost Mrs. Needles somewhere. From across the street, a shirtless Derek runs over and announces that he was puking in the alley when a hot blonde chick just came over and went down on him.

Then a man from the building across the street leans out and shouts at them to get the "crazy white bitch" out of his apartment. Mrs. Needles has been located.

Tommy and Shawn knock on Needles' office door. They have a passed out Mrs. Needles. In the office, Tommy tells Needles he now owes him and he'd like him to back off. Needles explains that what Tommy did tonight was personal, but everything between them is professional. So the ball busting will continue.

Needles open the door to see his drunk Russian wife trying to rip off Black Shawn's pants. He and Tommy are square.

In the kitchen over coffee later, the guys show admiration for the lesbians for paying for all the damage.

Shelia waltzes in with cake, wanting to know who left Damien drunk in her elevator last night. There's a call.

Sheila says she'll wait.

Outside, Janet shows up. She says she'll wait until they're back from the fire. Tommy, his worst nightmare coming true, tries to tell her she's not allowed, but Needles and Franco helpfully point out there's no such rule. Janet's going to go wait in the kitchen. With Sheila.

The kitchen is empty when Janet gets there, but Sheila comes in shortly. They aren't thrilled to see each other. Sheila explains what she's doing there and Janet leaves. But she's just getting coffee from the pantry, showing off that she knows where it's hidden.

Each woman takes off her coat, staking territory. They sit at opposite ends of the table in silence. Janet pulls out her phone and sends a text. Sheila's phone goes off. Janet just texted her.

Sheila agrees, this is totally ridiculous.

They ask about each others' kids. Then they get to the baby (the one Sheila tried to buy). Sheila makes a face. Janet asks about it.

And then they're calling each other names and telling each other to go to hell. Sheila sends a text to Janet. "You spelled it wrong," Janet replies.

Sean comes in. He looks at Janet's new phone. "What's a 'cunf?'"

He figures out the situation and makes tracks.

Janet texts back. Then she says: "If you wanted my husband so badly, how come you haven't just taken him?"

"If you wanted him so badly, how come you haven't taken him back?" Sheila retorts.

The guys come back from the call, filing into the kitchen to watch. Sheila tells them to get out. Lou takes the cake and runs.

Janet calls for Tommy. He slinks in.

The women are still sitting at opposite ends of the table. They stare him down. He tells them he has nothing to feel defensive about. He talked about it with both of them. Janet tells him there are strings. Sheila agrees.

Then they agree it's one of them or the other, standing on either side of him, both taking their shots. They both leave, having to fight their way through the guys on the other side of the door.

There's another alarm.

They roll up in slo mo to melancholy music, charging in. Tommy stands on the side of a door and gets blown across the hallway when he opens it. He dusts himself off and goes in. Flames surround him.

Franco finds a kid under a bed, Tommy finds another in a closet. The building's really going up now, flames blowing out windows.

Inside, the ceiling of the room Franco and Tommy are in falls through the floor. With the stairs blocked, they head through the hole.

They find another kid under some rubble.

Outside, everyone's OK, but Damien blows chunks.

A woman (Maura Tierney) runs up to the guys saying she needs in to the first floor. They try to stop her, pointing out the building's about to go. She gets past Franco by saying he's gorgeous then adroitly knees Tommy in the groin. She runs in and the building goes up in even more flames. The crew tries to get in from the back, but can't. They figure no one's coming out alive.

Then the woman comes out holding a box, saying it was hot in there. But she's fine. She walks away as the guys look on.

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