Morning Glory (2010)
Mike Pomeroy: You know what I've noticed, people only say "lighten up" when they're gonna stick their fist up your ass.
Mike Pomeroy: Why do we have to mention that first cup of coffee? Why not just say, "Watch Mike Pomeroy before your morning dump?"
Mike Pomeroy: Nobody really cares that I can do this job, but... but I can. I wanted you to see that.
Becky Fuller: That was a great story, Mike. That was... that was better than a great story, that was great television. I mean, that was bran with a donut. A bran donut.
Mike Pomeroy: I've got a grandkid. Did you know that? Alexander. I haven't seen him since I got fired. I was embarrassed... after all I'd accomplished. And then to... come back to the news... this way. The truth is, I'd... I'd screwed up with my kids way before I got canned. Anyway, I was never at home and... when I was, I took every phone call, watching TV out of the corner of my eye. Why am I telling you this? You're worse than I am. You'd sleep at the office if you could. Let me tell you how it turns out. You end up with... with nothing. Nothing. Which is... which is what I had. 'Till you came along.
Becky Fuller: Wait a second. Did you just say something nice to me?
Mike Pomeroy: I told you I could banter.
Becky's Mom: Did you get any severance?
Becky Fuller: Uh... there were some budgetary cuts last year, so they weren't really offering. But I have feelers outs. Lots.
Becky's Mom: Yeah, great. Honey, you think "The Today Show" is gonna call you up and hand you a job, and you have since you were eight, and it's not gonna happen.
Becky Fuller: I don't... I know that, I do. I get it.
Becky's Mom: This is partly my fault. I... I let your father get your hopes up. He was not a happy person, let's face it. When he saw you aim high, he started to feel better about himself, so I never said anything.
Becky Fuller: What are you saying?
Becky's Mom: You had a dream, you know? Great. When you were eight, it was adorable. When you were eighteen, it was inspiring. At twenty-eight, it's officially embarrassing. And I just want you to stop before we get to "heartbreaking".
Paul McVee: [entering a staff meeting] Hello! Hi, hi. Does somebody wanna tell me why I had to log off BangingGrannies.com for this?
Adam Bennett: Hey. Hi. Hey.
Becky Fuller: Hi.
Adam Bennett: Hey, I just came to, uh... to offer my condolences on hiring the third worst person in the world.
Becky Fuller: [realizing what he's talking about] Oh! Thanks. Yes, I... Um, who are the other two?
Adam Bennett: Oh, well, Kim Jong-il and Angela Lansbury, actually. She knows what she did.
Becky Fuller: [laughing] Okay. So, I... I gather that you worked with Mike at the nightly news.
Adam Bennett: Worst year of my life. The entire time we worked together, the only thing he ever called me was "Señor Dipshit".
Becky Fuller: [reading a newspaper article] "His gravity leavens the silliness of morning TV, making for an incongruous but somehow perfect match. Turns out that after forty years in the business, the real Mike Pomeroy has arrived." Not bad.
Mike Pomeroy: By the way, I'm getting my prostate checked next week. I thought I'd take a crew with me.
Becky Fuller: [gasps] That's a great idea! We...
Mike Pomeroy: [cutting her off] Jesus, I'm kidding.
Becky Fuller: No, seriously, they have these little teeny, tiny cameras that go right up your...
Mike Pomeroy: No, no, no.
Becky Fuller: What if we got you a body double?
Becky Fuller: Huh?
Mike Pomeroy: No.
Becky Fuller: No?
Mike Pomeroy: Not in a thousand years.
Becky Fuller: I will have you know that this show is very important to a lot of people, including, but not limited, to me! My ass on the line here.
Mike Pomeroy: Actually, your ass is irrelevant. You're just a footnote. It's my ass. My reputation. My integrity.
[pats his buttocks with both hands]
Mike Pomeroy: . MY ASS!