- Dr. Gregory House: You've gotta get down here. They've got a satellite aimed directly into Cuddy's vagina. I told them that chances of invasion are slim to none but...
- Dr. Gregory House: FYI, my malpractice insurance doesn't cover alien autopsies.
- Samira Terzi: That's fine. X-files are the next wing over.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: [to House about Brennan] You're just gonna let him go?
- Dr. Gregory House: Absolutely. I'm gonna let him get as far away as possible before you call the cops. Guy's a nut job. Who the hell did I leave in charge?
- Taub: Foreman.
- Dr. Gregory House: There was a reason for that. Next time, listen to him.
- Dr. Gregory House: You idiot.
- Dr. Samira Terzi: Who are you calling an idiot?
- Dr. Gregory House: Whoever knew that John was stationed in Brazil, not Bolivia.
- Dr. Samira Terzi: Brazil?
- Dr. Gregory House: [House turns and faces Agent Smith] Well, then, I guess I'm talking to you, idiot.
- CIA Agent Smith: It's the same region. It's the same parasites, same diseases...
- Dr. Gregory House: But not the same language. In Bolivia, chestnuts are chestnuts. Brazil, on the other hand, has castanhas-do-Pará. Literally, "chestnuts from Pará." Because it would be stupid for people from Brazil to call them Brazil nuts!
- CIA Agent Smith: So he ate Brazil nuts. Big deal.
- Dr. Gregory House: No, he ate a lot of Brazil nuts which is a big deal, because they contain selenium - which in high doses causes fatigue, vomiting, skin irritation, discharge from the fingernail beds and hair loss. Any of that sounding familiar?
- CIA Agent Smith: Can you treat it?
- Dr. Gregory House: We've already started. Treatment's chelation, same as for radiation sickness. The only difference is it works a lot better on nut poisoning.
- CIA Agent Smith: So what's the problem?
- Dr. Samira Terzi: [to Agent Smith] You're an idiot.
- Dr. Gregory House: [to Dr. Terzi] Wanna ditch Dr. Killjoy and hop on the company jet? A little trip down Mexico way? I'm not talking about the country or the plane.
- Dr. Samira Terzi: You think acting like an idiot and talking about sex works on girls?
- Dr. Gregory House: Well if it didn't, the human race would have died out long ago.
- Dr. Gregory House: You know, I happen to have a position available on my penis. Wait a second, I think I screwed up that joke.
- Samira Terzi: You're offering me a job?
- Dr. Gregory House: I'd settle for that.
- Samira Terzi: [to House] This is Dr. Sidney Curtis from the Mayo Clinic. He's also agreed to help with the diagnosis.
- Dr. Curtis: Dr. House.
- Dr. Gregory House: "Curtis on Immunology" Sidney Curtis?
- Dr. Curtis: Oh, you've read it?
- Dr. Gregory House: Nope, but it is keeping my piano level.
- [refering to the CIA agent]
- Dr. Lawrence Kutner: Who's your friend?
- Dr. Gregory House: We use the term "life-partner."
- Dr. Jeffrey 'Big Love' Cole: [to House] You're gonna take a case based on the car she drives?
- Dr. Gregory House: Nothing says "thanks for saving my life" like a test drive in a car that accelerates faster than a space shuttle.
- Taub: What do we do?
- Dr. Eric Foreman: I don't know yet.
- Dr. Jeffrey 'Big Love' Cole: She needs treatment.
- Dr. Amber Volakis: This is a test, right? You're reporting back to him everything we do.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: Yeah, and I asked the patient to be uncooperative. Personally, I think she overplayed it.
- Dr. Travis Brennan: [to Foreman] She's being uncooperative because you made us all look like idiots.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: We're only gonna look like idiots if we can't figure out how to get her to agree to the treatment.
- Dr. Jeffrey 'Big Love' Cole: What would House do right now?
- Thirteen: Pop a pill, insult us and trick the patient.
- Dr. Lawrence Kutner: We can do that last part. She's never met House before, has she? Who's got a cane?
- Dr. Eric Foreman: House isn't here. We're not gonna act like him.
- Dr. Lawrence Kutner: [while going over the patient's test results] Okay, drum roll. LP is negative for meningitis. Sorry, Cole.
- [Cole bites his lower lip and nods his head]
- Dr. Lawrence Kutner: [to Thirteen] Fat pad biopsy is... Oh, wait for it...
- [slowly opens the results]
- Dr. Lawrence Kutner: ... negative for amyloidosis! And Thirteen goes down.
- Dr. Jeffrey 'Big Love' Cole: Could we hurry this up? My son has...
- Dr. Amber Volakis: Can I have a kid too? I'm working too hard.
- Taub: I could hook you up.
- Dr. Amber Volakis: If I had two minutes and some anti-nausea meds, I'd take you up on that.
- Dr. Travis Brennan: It's not botulism. It's polio.
- Taub: Brilliant. We should search her home for FDR's remains or a time machine.
- Dr. Travis Brennan: [about treating the patient for polio] Vitamin C. Extremely high doses. It was experimental treatment protocol in the '50s.
- Dr. Lawrence Kutner: And they haven't finished yet?
- Dr. Travis Brennan: They... lost funding.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: That's because there's no logical reason Vitamin C would cure polio.
- Dr. Travis Brennan: Well, someone thought there was.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: Someone thought black people made excellent farm implements.
- Dr. Travis Brennan: I'm not talking about hurting anyone. I just wanna force feed her some orange juice.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: You wanna throw in some bacon and eggs as well?
- Dr. Travis Brennan: If there's anything you learn today, it's gotta be that you can be wrong.
- Dr. Allison Cameron: [to Foreman] When... when you were dying, you tried to infect me. Because you knew I'd fight for you if I thought I was dying too.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: You bringing this up now so I'll forgive you for messing with my patient?
- Dr. Allison Cameron: I'm happy I changed jobs, but I know I'll never have that sort of... excitement.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: You miss people trying to kill you?
- Dr. Allison Cameron: No. I miss... people doing whatever it takes to get the job done. I guess that's why I'm having trouble giving it up. I shouldn't have helped them mess with your patient.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: [sighs] They had to screw with me. I've gotten everything wrong.
- Dr. Allison Cameron: I don't believe it. You're not gonna get everything right. But you're never gonna get everything wrong.
- Dr. Gregory House: Horse chestnuts may look like chestnuts, but they taste like a horse's lower-than-chestnuts.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: [to Cameron] I guess when I mess with other people's patients, I risk looking like an officious bitch.
- Dr. Gregory House: If I have to walk somewhere, there better be at least five girls involved. And they'd better be working their way through college.
- Dr. Jeffrey 'Big Love' Cole: That's your breakfast?
- Dr. Gregory House: Technically, it's Wilson's lunch.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: [to House] Where are you?
- Dr. Gregory House: I'm on a top-secret mission for the CIA.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: [in a deadpan tone of voice] Right.
- Dr. Lawrence Kutner: [to Foreman] We're not gonna score any points with House if we solve this just by running your errands.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: I get that you want to be right.
- Dr. Jeffrey 'Big Love' Cole: You don't?
- Dr. Eric Foreman: I'm just trying to save the patient, not score points with my boss.
- Dr. Amber Volakis: It's lupus.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: Weakly. Not lupus, it's MS.
- Taub: We obviously don't know what it is. Treat for both.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: No. I gave in on the test. We're not treating her for two completely separate diseases because you think lupus will win you a prize.
- Dr. Amber Volakis: [to Cameron] All I've heard about you: you put the patient above everything else. That's why everyone finds you so annoying.
- Taub: [after the patient ends up paralyzed when she was given medicine] Steroids don't cause paralysis.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: She was also on interferon! Giving her both probably fried her immune system. Who knows what infection you could cause...?
- Dr. Amber Volakis: We consulted an immunologist. She said we have...
- Dr. Eric Foreman: She? You talking about Dr. Cameron?
- Taub: She thought lupus was...
- Dr. Eric Foreman: She tell you to start treating?
- Thirteen: Yes, they've ignored you. They screwed up and it's fun watching you spank them, but can we get back to the medicine?
- Dr. Eric Foreman: The last thing any of you give a damn about is the medicine! Look, I'm not saying you're bad doctors or bad people, but House is. He created a nasty little cutthroat world, planted you in it and is watching you play. And none of it works for anyone except him.
- Dr. Amber Volakis: And whoever wins.
- Dr. Travis Brennan: [after suggesting that the patient has polio] I've seen this disease. I know what it looks like.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: That's why you're finding it because you're looking for it. Polio, it's... it's crazy.
- Dr. Travis Brennan: House wouldn't think so.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: So go find House and tell him your theory. Take a personal day. Seriously. Get outta here.
- Dr. Travis Brennan: You don't have the power to fire me.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: But I do have the power to kick your ass off my case.
- Dr. James Wilson: [while talking to House on the phone] Where are you?
- Dr. Gregory House: CIA headquarters. How much fludarabine...?
- Dr. James Wilson: Either you're sprawled naked on your floor with an empty bottle of Vicodin or collapsed naked in front of your computer with an empty bottle of Viagra. Please tell me which because Chase has another pool going.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [to Wilson] Where's House? He's blown off four hours of clinic.
- Dr. James Wilson: He's consulting for the CIA.
- [Cuddy gives him a questioning look]
- Dr. James Wilson: Seriously. Call Langley and ask for extension 35... 3536?
- [Cuddy looks at him]
- Dr. James Wilson: [fumbling on his desk] There's definitely two threes. I... I wrote it down. I have it somewhere.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: He's gonna make up twice his skipped hours in the clinic.
- [starts to walk out of Wilson's office]
- Dr. James Wilson: Okey-doke.
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [stops at the door] And for protecting him, you're gonna make up twice that.
- Dr. James Wilson: Why are you punishing me worse than him?
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Because House never learns. You might.
- Dr. Gregory House: [to John] How're you feeling?
- John: Like crap.
- Dr. Gregory House: Yeah, cancer can be that way.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: I'm sorry. I was stubborn and arrogant.
- Dr. Travis Brennan: Self-recriminations won't help her.
- Thirteen: Nothing's gonna help her. She's got polio.
- Dr. Amber Volakis: There's no cure, but there are treatments.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: She's dying.
- Taub: Yeah. Every death's a tragedy. Funny how you weren't so depressed when she was just dying because me and Amber screwed up.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: And I'm also self-centered. Thanks for clarifying.
- Dr. Lawrence Kutner: Don't forget self-pitying.
- Dr. Amber Volakis: Twenty-month-old baby, persistent rash, fever...
- Dr. Gregory House: [cuts her off] Too much crying.
- Taub: Female college student with...
- Dr. Gregory House: [cuts him off] Too much drama.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: You don't care about the crying or the drama 'cause you won't see the patient. And you'd treat Methuselah if his snot had an interesting color. It means you've already decided which case you wanna take next.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: [to Casey] We're gonna give you an MRI to be sure, but I'm guessing your symptoms were caused by just dehydration and the heat.
- Casey: You're guessing? Look, I make a living driving 300 miles an hour which makes the ability to stay conscious kind of important.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: [to Casey about what's wrong with her] We think it's Miller-Fisher, an inflammatory process. In rare cases, it can cause respiratory failure, but...
- Lou: Wait, she could stop breathing?
- Casey: You said there was nothing wrong. You said you were sure.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: You just had another seizure. Clearly, there's something wrong.
- Casey: So why should I trust you to figure out what it is?
- [sits up in her hospital bed]
- Casey: Where's Dr. House? I'm at this hospital bec...
- Dr. Eric Foreman: It's gonna be all right. We just need to start the plasmapheresis.
- Casey: No! It's not going to be all right because you obviously don't have a clue what you're doing.
- [starts taking the sensors off her body and the monitors start beeping]
- Casey: I'm not letting you touch me.
- Lou: [trying to stop her] Honey, come on.
- Casey: I wanna see House! Where is he?
- [Foreman shakes his head in frustration]
- Dr. Robert Chase: [to Cameron] That's funny.
- Dr. Allison Cameron: It's not funny. It's totally immature.
- Dr. Robert Chase: It is funny. You just can't appreciate it because you're the victim.
- Dr. Allison Cameron: Yeah, I deserve shame and ridicule for offering a consult. Unheard of for a doctor.
- Dr. Robert Chase: You didn't offer a medical consult. You offered a "Dealing with Foreman" consult.
- Dr. Allison Cameron: For the good of the patient. It's what House would have done.
- Dr. Robert Chase: Maybe House will hear about it and tear up with pride.
- Dr. Allison Cameron: You think I'm trying to impress him.
- Dr. Robert Chase: I think that for someone who's not involved in his team, you're remarkably involved in his team. Let it go. Let him go.
- Dr. Gregory House: Looks a lot better on 24.
- [Agent Smith opens a door and House sees Dr. Samira Terzi]
- Dr. Gregory House: I take that back!
- Dr. Curtis: [to Dr. Terzi] Where was the patient when he first felt ill?
- Dr. Samira Terzi: Sorry, that's classified, but assume there aren't too many places in the world John hasn't been. And, yes, John's a cover name.
- Dr. Curtis: And what makes you think it was an attempt on his life?
- Dr. Samira Terzi: Sorry, can't tell you that either.
- Dr. Curtis: Well, what can you tell us?
- Dr. Gregory House: Yeah. Did Oswald really have sex with Marilyn Monroe?