Previously on Gossip Girl: Serena gets a trio of unwanted gifts -- sorry, they're not from Chuck! Flashback: Blair and Nate are in love, then break up. Flash to now: Jenny threatens Blair's status as queen bee. And the mysterious "G" is behind Serena's recent receipt of champagne, cocaine, and porn with handcuffs.
Now - back to the present.
Everyone is seen angsting -- about the SATs? Did we drop into geek territory? Seriously, everyone is studying: Serena with coffee, Blair with her maid, the wannabes are enamored of their test pens, Chuck (wearing an orange overcoat stolen from Posh Spice's closet) enlists an African American cutie to take his place during testing. Of course, Dan is the only one actually really studying, pulling his hair oh-so-photogenically. Rufus pops in (having had a Brooklyn spa day, it appears) to remind his son that time's up on his faux SAT. Perfect-pores Rufus is also intent on escorting Jenny to school, since she's been up to slightly devious shenanigans. Jenny appreciates the parent-child bonding, but in keeping with channeling Molly Ringwald a la Pretty in Pink, doesn't want her friends to see her dad.
At school, Serena and Blair are comparing and constrasting their pals' college-bound credentials; Blair *must* take out Nellie Yuki, because she's the highest-scoring student but mostly because she likes saying "Nellie Yuki." Chuck appears again in Posh Spice's orange overcoat, Blair disappears, Chuck is surprisingly cordial to Serena. He informs her that Georgina (that would be "G") is nowhere near the fair isle of Manhattan, according to his sources. Serena is totally relieved, Chuck waxes nostalgic about how Georgina brought out the old sexy Serena, S politely rebuffs and reminds him about the impending SATs.
Jenny is getting an earful from her upperclasswomen about how she's lucky not to have to take the SATS; everyone is ridiculously accessorized to the max, like they fell onto the Bluefly.com accessory wall from Project Runway. Jenny offers to help, but Blair sweeps in offering a study night, which sounds more like a spa night with massages, pedicures, and round the clock facial treatments.
Serena and Dan meet up in the school yard, exchange smooches and promises to study together when -- OMG, is Sunnydale invading Manhattan?! Michelle Trachtenberg, in oversize sunglasses and Eurotrash style to max, sidles up behind S, insinuating dirty thoughts! She is like totally Georgina! Serena is agape.
Georgina inquires about the gifts, asks if S missed her, offers her a date for a cocktail to catch up. Georgina's vibe is slightly predatory, a tiny bit desperate, and totally hinting at girl-on-girl friendliness that comes with a price; it's as if we've dropped into a Jacqueline Susann novel all of a sudden! (If you are too young to know who that is, Wikipedia her right now and order your copy of Valley of the Dolls - so much fun!) Serena looks like she's seen a "ghost of parties past" as Dawn -- I mean, Georgina! -- trots off to cause trouble elsewhere.
Back to Jenny, who meets with a kindergartner who apparently goes to her school - a short cohort in a hot pink overcoat (Posh Spice's also?) who offers to help Jenny find the right boyfriend. Many suitors are rejected when a cutie dogwalker bumps into her; he looks even younger than Jenny if that is possible. He proffers a phone number (smooth operator for 14!) and is on his way. Jenny does so not want a dog walker - sorry!
Nate shows up at the cafe where Vanessa (remember her?) works, where Dan is SAT studying and Vanessa is tutoring him while working on her video project (remember that?); Nate, BTW, appears to be wearing a pajama top under his blazer. Nate is offering numerous SAT books, which Vanessa kindly rebuffs -- in reality, it's a mask for coy flirtation. Nate and his pajama top depart, Vanessa checks out some notes Nate left tucked in the pages, and is intrigued!
It's nighttime now, Serena and Georgina are chatting over cosmos; Serena tries to say she's so not into the past fun and games, Georgina promises fun and games like old times but without the nasty repercussions. Serena waffles, promises one drink - uh oh! Down the path S goes....
The wannabes show up at Blair's -- where's the SAT spa they were promised? Blair is a symphony of polka dots, and her mission is to get her pals to take down Nellie Yuki, find her weakness and exploit it. Once done, spa time is theirs.
S and G are remembering good old times -- S seems very drunk while G is in control. Two guys pop over (if you watch As the World Turns, one of them is Noah, of Luke and Noah, the hot-young-pioneering-gay-male-couple-of-daytime-drama), while S pretends to be Southern and G pretends to be Greek (nice nod to Blake Lively's Traveling Pants films!). A call comes in - it's Georgina's dealer! S is pissed, G is irked because S is pissed, S makes an emergency call to Chuck for a rescue. Chuck obliges after some verbal wordplay, while wearing a green-and-white-striped sweater, plaid shirt, AND pink tshirt!
Chuck calls.... Dan? While Chuck puts on a jerky act, he's really giving Serena a nice out from her study date with Brooklyn Dan, saying S is sick with food poisoning. Dan buys it.
Next morning at school, Chuck has traded his orange overcoat for a red-magenta one. Dan stalks up to him, asking why is Serena so weird -- must be Chuck, eh? S walks up -- uh oh, she pops a migraine story, not a food poisoning one. She covers nicely but not perfectly. Dan pushes it, but she's totally saved by the bell. Dan is angsty, S confides to Chuck that she's miserable, Chuck says, um, tell him about Georgina! Serena, not being wise with the insight, says no way.
Focus on Nellie Yuki, cornered by the wannabes. Blair is orchestrating a pressurization of the perfect student, but Nellie balks until... they find a weakness! (Blair is wearing perfect white gloves, argyle, plaid, a tie AND a striped hairband) Turns out Nellie's boyfriend broke up with her and she's still a mess over it. Blair downloads the product-placed song that reminds Nellie of her old BF - thanks, Verizon Wireless!
Jenny and her Mini-Me are still scheming to find her a boyfriend when they come across adorable Dog Walker Boy again. Uh oh, turns out he's not the walker -- he's the owner! Jenny is pleased, and makes her move.
Back to Blair -- she finds poor Nellie, plays the hurtful song that makes Nellie goes to pieces, and gets the uber-genius to open up to her. Blair is faux-sympathetic, gets the name of Nellie's ex, and invites poor Nellie over for catharsis at her penthouse. Hmmm... Nellie wants to be focused for the SATs, but Blair puts on the nicey-nice act to get her competition in a weakened state.
Vanessa is in Brooklyn in a trendy diner waiting for.... Nate? He's late, she's cute about it, and she's surprised he knows the place. Turns out Nate's dad is in rehab close by... bonding music swells as she looks at him in a different light. Nate says he and his eyebrows come to the cafe for decompression, Vanessa sympathizes... turns out she's read an essay of his he left in one of his SAT books, and is apologizing for treating him like a superficial rich kid. They smile.
G calls S -- G wants to make up, she sees S has changed, says she's an inspiration. We sense duplicity in the air, and the music accompanying the scene confirms our suspicions. Serena says she can't, can't, can't meet for dinner (SATs, you know), but Georgina promises only an hour. Serena waffles (again), says yes to the dinner invite, Gossip Girl tells us that (surprise!) it might be a big mistake.
Back in Brooklyn, Dan is cramming for the SATs and bugging Jenny. Rufus returns home, Jenny is super-perfect daughter with homework all done, dad rewards her with a sewing machine, which she sold to get fashion clothes for school. Sadly, she's still grounded, but wants to meet Dog Walker/Owner Boy. When Rufus says nyet, Jenny storms off.
At SAT Spa Central (aka Blair's pad), B leaves a message for S, who is a no show. Nellie Yuki is getting a massage when in walks.... Nellie's ex-boyfriend! The two awkwardly engage.... the boyfriend apologizes and wants to talk. Nellie is happy and thanks Blair, who, um, *might* have an ulterior motive! Oxygen facials, everyone!
OMG - Nate and Vanessa went out on a date! With live music! In Brooklyn! They start bonding, Vanessa tells him about her non-college dreams and her aspirations of being a filmmaker. They say goodnight....romantic music swells.... Nate and his cheekbones get closer to Vanessa.... she giggles... OMG redux, they totally kiss! Multiple times!
Back in Manhattan, S and G are dining out, with Diet Coke instead of cosmos. G grills Serena about Dan, Serena spills her heart and guts, sweetly, and Georgina seems actually affected. As Serena goes to call Dan, it's revealed - Georgina's putting on an act for certain. And then, she totally spikes Serena's Diet Coke! Drama is in the making! A toast is proposed to the "new Serena".... cut to commercial break!
It's got to be the morning after, when Serena wakes up....at Georgina's hotel room?! S is totally confused, and panicked that she's missing the SATs. G offers eggs for breakfast and reveals how S went from Diet Coke to Patron in a heartbeat; also she covered for her pal with Lily. G spins a tale of debauchery and men while playing the good helpful friend. Serena is like totally freaked... and calls Chuck!
In Brooklyn again, Vanessa runs into Nate, who offers to whisk her away somewhere on a one-time-only date. Vanessa is intrigued -- and actually says so! (We are validated!)
Jenny and Rufus are eating breakfast, tense-fully. They finally have it out - Jenny is angry that dad won't let her go see Asher (aka, Dog Walker/Owner Boy) and that she has totally learned her lesson, so let her see the cute boy, OK? Rufus says no way, while wearing a bad collar-less button-up shirt. Frowny faces all around.
Turns out Nate's secret date for Vanessa is.... the SATs! Since she's a genius at helping Dan, shouldn't she take the test herself to see if she does good and might want to go to college sometime? She screws her courage to her number-two pencil sticking place and charges in.
Oh no -- after a whole night of talking, Nellie Yuki confides to Blair that she and her old boyfriend might not get back together! Blair is like totally sad (ha!) and gloats as she hears Nellie got no sleep. As Nellie goes in to take the test, Blair reveals her secret weapon -- she's just stolen the batteries from Nellie's calculator!
At the SATs, Blair and Dan have a nice moment over trying to find Serena. As Blair leaves, Dan overhears a youngish redhead checking in as "Serena van der Woodsen." Uh-oh! We smell Chuck somewhere close by....
Flash forward to the end of the SATs -- Blair (who appears to have undergone a hairstyle change while taking her test) and Dan reconvene re Serena, and Dan, wearing his Rufus-style I-am-disappointed face, says he might know where to find her. Adding insult to injury for both Blair and Dan, the two spy Vanessa and Nate embracing! It's a total WTF moment for the two pals-of-Serena.
Dan finds Serena, but instead of getting hostile, he goes into sensitive guy mode and begs her to tell him what's going on. Chuck, a symphony of bad golf-outfit colors, pops in on the moment, as Serena pulls the food-poisoning act again. Dan counterplays with the I-saw-someone-checking-in-as-you-to-take-the-test factoid, Chuck says it was his idea, Dan is *so* sensitive that he says he's not mad and asks Serena to please, please, PLEASE tell him what's what. When she won't, he finally, sensitively, breaks.... now he is really disappointed! And leaves.
Chuck reads the situation and nicely (for him) asks Serena what Georgina has on her that she won't even tell Dan about it. Serena won't say.
At G's suite, S shows up, saying do not EVER contact her again! (Nice white scarf there, Serena!) S confronts her on the shenanigans, but owns her badness. G pushes her on how bad a girl S can be, while Serena's strong facade slowly cracks.... a threat by Serena is issued, "If I go down, you go down with me." The two bitchily agree to stay apart.... but Georgina's face says revenge is the order of the day.
In Brooklyn, Asher shows up at the Humphrey loft, bearing food as a gift. Jenny is touched, Rufus is confused, Asher totally plays the perfect prince and Rufus melts.
In Central Park, Dan is brooding when an adorable golden retriever runs up to him chasing a ball. Turns out the sweet doggie is owned by..... Georgina! G plays cute, Dan plays funny, sparks are ignited, and then G introduces herself.... as "Sarah"!
Teased for next week -- Serena's secret is leaked, and the long-anticipated "gay bomb" drops!