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"Gossip Girl" Desperately Seeking Serena (TV Episode 2008) Poster

Quotes

Serena van der Woodsen: [covers Dan's eyes and kisses him]

Dan Humphrey: Oh, Chuck, I had no idea you felt that way about me!

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Blair Waldorf: Nelly Yuki must be destroyed!

Serena van der Woodsen: Why do you keep saying her name?

Blair Waldorf: Because it's Nelly Yuki!

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Dan Humphrey: Hey I've been wondering where you were.

Chuck Bass: You mean all of your life.

Dan Humphrey: Don't take this the wrong way Serena but you sound just like this jackass we know.

Chuck Bass: Serena has food poisoning. She's too sick to come to your play date.

Dan Humphrey: Put her on the phone.

Chuck Bass: The bathroom doesn't get reception.

Dan Humphrey: Somehow I don't believe you.

Chuck Bass: And I would like to say I'm a little glad about that but my poor sick sister has asked for my assistance in the matter, so I'll leave it at this, she's not coming. Humphrey, always a pleasure.

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Serena van der Woodsen: I don't want you to ever contact me again.

Georgina Sparks: Just because of a few nights of harmless fun?

Serena van der Woodsen: It wasn't fun waking up and not knowing where I was, it wasn't fun missing the SAT's, and it definitely wasn't fun lying to Dan.

Georgina Sparks: And this is all my fault because...

Serena van der Woodsen: It's my fault, because I make huge mistakes when I'm with you.

Georgina Sparks: So you wanna distant yourself from your mistakes by staying away from me? You we're there to Serena. It was just as much you if not more...

Serena van der Woodsen: This is not about last year it's about last night!

Georgina Sparks: Like you were just some innocent bystander who walked in on...

Serena van der Woodsen: I'm not talking about it Georgina okay! And neither are you. If I go down, you go down with me. In the meanwhile, stay out of my life.

Georgina Sparks: I don't need anybody in my life who doesn't wanna be there.

Serena van der Woodsen: Then we're agreed.

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[Serena covers Dan's eyes and kisses him]

Dan Humphrey: Oh Chuck, I had no idea you felt like that about me.

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[the Palace Hotel calls Dan's cell]

Dan Humphrey: Hey, I've been wondering where you were.

Chuck Bass: You mean all your life?

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Nelly Yuki: Look, I'm not stupid. I know you're not really interested in how my family owns half of Tribeca.

Hazel: Of course we're interested. You're the newest member of our little club.

Penelope: Which is only for the smartest girls of the junior class.

Nelly Yuki: Our junior class only has thirty girls. We're already an elite club.

[Nelly Yuki gets impatient and grabs her violin case]

Nelly Yuki: Can I go now?

Hazel: You know what would be hot? You, us at G-spa.

Nelly Yuki: I don't drink.

Penelope: Saks fifth?

Nelly Yuki: Hate shopping.

Hazel: Yogurt on the steps?

Nelly Yuki: Lactose intolerant. Look, I really don't want any friends. All I want is to be alone and to never listen to Flo Rida ever again.

Penelope: What happened? A little back stage hit it and quit it?

Nelly Yuki: What? No, my boyfriend broke up with me at a Flo Rida concert. One minute we were waving our hands in the air like we just didn't care and the next...

[upset and walks off]

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Blair Waldorf: [as Nelly Yuki walks up the steps to take the SATs, Blair quickly walks over to her] Rough night?

Nelly Yuki: Yeah. And not in a good way. Todd doesn't want to get back together.

[Blair's minions chime in with false pity]

Blair Waldorf: No? But he said...

Nelly Yuki: -We stayed up all night having the same conversation about why we broke up over and over again.

[Nelly Yuki drops her calculator and Blair takes out the batteries without anyone noticing]

Nelly Yuki: [Blair's minions chime in again calling Nelly Yuki's ex-boyfriend names] I got no sleep, spent the whole night crying.

Blair Waldorf: Aw, okay. Well good luck!

[Hands the calculator back to Nelly Yuki]

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Nelly Yuki: [Blair walks by while playing a Flo Rida song] Oh God. Not that song.

Blair Waldorf: Nelly Yuki what's wrong?

Nelly Yuki: It's like it's happening all over again. That song just reminds me of my boyfriend. My ex-boyfriend I should say.

Blair Waldorf: Oh no, did he dump you?

[Nelly Yuki nods]

Blair Waldorf: That's horrible. What was his name? Brad? Bill?

Nelly Yuki: Todd. Jansen.

Blair Waldorf: [Quickly walks over to Nelly Yuki] There is nothing like the fresh sharp pain of a break up. Believe me. I've had my fair share of heart ache. But this is about you. Tonight, you're going to come over to my house and just cry till you get it all out of your system.

Nelly Yuki: I can't. I have to be focused tomorrow.

Blair Waldorf: You can't focus when something's on your mind, now can you?

[Closes Nelly Yuki's textbook]

Blair Waldorf: Come, come, come. Tell me all about it.

[Nelly Yuki smiles and is taken by Blair's false generosity]

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Serena van der Woodsen: I killed someone.

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Blair Waldorf: Lucky for us, mental acuity and common sense rarely come in the same package.

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Chuck Bass: [about Blair] She really needs to tone down the social niceties. It's embarrassing.

Serena van der Woodsen: Eventually, the two of you are gonna have to work out your issues.

Chuck Bass: What issues? I'm issue free, and based on my exhaustive research, so are you.

Serena van der Woodsen: Georgina?

Chuck Bass: According to my very reliable sources, Georgina Sparks is nowhere near our fair isle. She's in Switzerland, dating the prince of Belfort.

Serena van der Woodsen: There's a prince of Belfort? And she's dating him? Oh, thank God!

Chuck Bass: Now you can enjoy the gifts she mailed you with piece of mind and maybe Chuck in the room?

Serena van der Woodsen: [shoves Chuck] Oh, shoot, except we're siblings!

Chuck Bass: Georgie always brought out the devil in you. Part of me is disappointed she's not here.

Serena van der Woodsen: Mm, I wonder which part.

Chuck Bass: It's been a while since I saw the old Serena.

Serena van der Woodsen: Well, thanks to her, the new one has to break 2000 on her SAT's, so if you could just go smarm elsewhere.

Chuck Bass: The offer still stands. I know a lovely little redhead that's just dying to be you for the day.

Serena van der Woodsen: Oh, I'll leave the cheating to you, Chuck. I plan on taking the SAT's myself.

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Serena van der Woodsen: I gotta wait for Dan. He's stressed, he doesn't do well with tests, so...

Blair Waldorf: Performance anxiety?

Serena van der Woodsen: Bye, Blair!

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Blair Waldorf: Nelly Yuki has her sights set on Yale too. What are the odds of them accepting two girls from Constance? And have you seen Nelly Yuki's extracurriculars? I need to kick her well-rounded ass!

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Gossip Girl: [after Georgina comes back and talks to Serena] Spotted in the courtyard: S looking like she's seen a ghost. A ghost of parties past.

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Gossip Girl: Spotted: Serena Van Der Woodsen being given a real life multiple choice question: a. Go home and study, b. Get a good night's sleep, c. Call your boyfriend, or d. None of the above. Hope that wasn't the wrong answer, S. This test doesn't grade on a curve.

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Dan Humphrey: I can't concentrate.

Jenny Humphrey: The sound of your own voice annoying you?

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Asher Hornsby: [to Jenny] Oh, oh, so sorry. Are you okay?

Jenny Humphrey: Yeah.

[laughs]

Jenny Humphrey: My lunch isn't though.

Asher Hornsby: Uh, let me give you my last dollar.

Jenny Humphrey: Oh, I couldn't. You shouldn't be walking the streets with no money.

Asher Hornsby: Let's just settle for an IOU then.

Jenny Humphrey: It's just a hot dog.

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Rufus Humphrey: [to Jenny] You used to cry when I didn't walk you to school.

Jenny Humphrey: That wasn't me. That was Dan.

Dan Humphrey: I was six. It was a very emotional time for me, post T-ball.

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Elise Wells: [to Jenny] What are you doing? He's gorgeous.

Jenny Humphrey: He's a dogwalker. I need a king, not a jester.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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