Spring Break is over, and so are all of Blair's days of hiding away. Finally, after three weeks, she comes back to school, with an unpleasant welcome by Jenny and the "in" crowd, who throw ice cream in her hair. Serena believes that being mean was got Blair kicked out of the "in" crowd in the first place and dethroned "Queen Bee." When Jenny asks Blair to meet her at Butter along with all of Blair's former friends, Serena finds it the perfect opportunity for Blair to show just how nice she is. But the situation goes from nice to sour when Jenny and her friends purposely don't show up, leaving Blair all alone. Meanwhile, Jenny needs something to wear for her 15th birthday party, and eventually ends up stealing one of her friend's mother's dresses in exchange for a $1,200 dress in an exchange shop. But when Jenny tries to get it back, she learns the red dress is over $8,000. Once again, Jenny steals the red dress, throwing her coat over the dress. She comes home to a 15th birthday party created by none other than Blair, who talked to Jenny's dad, and made the birthday party as lame as possible. While Jenny's dad doesn't realize how lame the party is, Jenny's friends do, and are about to leave when they find Jenny wearing the red dress. They ditch the birthday party and meet Blair at Butter. Thinking quickly, Jenny sneaks out and has Nate accompany her to Butter. Jenny's friends are pleased that Nate, who they are attracted to, is hanging out with them, and "forget" the incident with the dress, leaving Blair friendless once again. Also, Serena adjusts to her new living conditions with Chuck, but when she receives inappropriate gifts, she believes Chuck sent them. But, at the very end of the episode, she learns who really sent them, and it wasn't Chuck.
Having been recently dethroned as Queen Bee by her snobbish clique members, Blair returns to school following spring break with the support of Serena to find she is still on the outs with her old friends. Meanwhile, Dan visits his mother over Spring Break, and when he returns, he discovers that Jenny, having turned 15, is on the verge of becoming a full-fledged member of the A-List crowd. But Jenny begins her rapid slide towards the dark side when she must go to dangerous and even illegal lengths to fit in with the A-Crowd snobs. Elsewhere, Serena struggles to adjust to living with Chuck the Shark, and receives disturbing packages from an unknown sender and she think's it's the crafty Chuck trying to destroy her reputation.
- Previously on Gossip Girl -- Blair loves Nate, Jenny loves popularity, Lily loves Rufus but is loathe to admit it, Rufus *really* loves Lily, Serena loves Dan and hates Chuck, Lily loves being proposed to by Chuck's dad, Serena *really* loves to hate Chuck, Chuck taunts but secretly loves Blair, Jenny loves attention from Nate, Blair hates her life falling down around her as Jenny ascends to Queen Bee status, Blair and Serena love each other enough to be good friends after so much fighting.
There -- caught up now after three months? Whew! XOXO!
"Moon River" plays, Blair is Holly Golightly looking for her orange cat (though did Audrey Hepburn ever say "Ew!" in the alleyway?), and Nate is doing total George Peppard action, down to the sixties hair. (Flashback for the uninitiated and/or lazy - Breakfast at Tiffanys is Blair's fave film.) Sadly, reality imposes upon Blair's dream and Gossip Girl informs us that spring break is over, over. Blair's BFF is Lady Godiva (as in chocolate), and must be dragged out of bed to school.
Serena and Chuck, apparently step-siblings, are doing a post-modern interpretation of the Brady Bunch kids-sharing-a-bathroom dance, however Chuck's guests are not Peter and Bobby, but his female guests from the previous evening. Turns out he's joking about the girls, but not about getting high. Serena is appropriately disgusted, and leaves without showering (something everyone notices through the day).
Meanwhile, on the way to school, Jenny is playing total Queen Bee with Blair's former clique -- it's just like "The Golden Girls" or "Designing Women" where everyone wears a different color to offset each other, down to the headbands. Jenny is playing it up that she has a fab couture outfit for her upcoming birthday dinner, but her insecurity belies her pretense at excellent financial and fashion status.
Meanwhile, Eric (still frosting his hair) is gawking in the stairway, hiding from his valet, who wanted to put his socks on for him -- apparently, the new domestic state of the combined Bass-Van der Woodsen families is wearing on the non-Bass kids. Ah -- everyone is cohabitating, but no marriage has happened, as Chuck's dad asks Chuck to be best man. Should be easy, since Chuck is kissing up to Lily big time and alienating his soon-to-be siblings.
Dan (in schoolboy uniform) is back from spring break, eating breakfast with Rufus, who informs him that Jenny is now hobnobbing on private planes and having a grand old time. Rufus (in worn out gray tshirt - still looking great) tells him he's late for school, and aspiring writer Dan makes a break for it.
Cut to B and S - S is rocking out some great leather, B looks like a matron coming back from the salon, white sunglasses and kerchif hiding her personality. S brings B up to speed on her pals, and gets B to remove the disguise. Uh oh, Blair must now face her schoolmates, who gawk and gape and get to see her coated with Yoplait (thanks, Jenny!).
Nate corners Jenny in the schoolyard, and warns her about her new supposed friends, who have turned on Blair and according to him would be more than happy to turn on Jenny. Romantic foreshadowing -- Nate tells Jenny she's not like the other girls! BTW, Nate's bangs have not been cut in three months.
Blair and Serena convene on the Metropolitan Museum of Art steps again, but it's just the two of them, being brave. Then, Chuck and Eric (!) appear, as male BFFs, which irritates Serena to no end. Blair is irritated watching Jenny hold court, and is further peeved that Jenny is getting taken to dinner by the clique girls. Serena basically tells her to be nice and everything will happens in its own time. Blair is.... less than comforted.
Jenny is troubled again having to pretend to be rich, and using her wiles, tries to get out of another expensive night she cannot afford.... by marching up to Blair! AND, she invites her to Butter! (If you don't know about Butter, please start reading New York magazine *right now*) Serena says yes for Blair.
OMG - Dan and Serena are making out at (her) home! Chuck interrupts that the wedding caterer is here with a tasting menu, and invites Dan to stay. Nice, or.... a motive involved? Serena gets a surprise package - it's porn and handcuffs! How thoughtful! She assumes it's from Chuck, he denies, Dan removes the offending material.
Spotted - Blair alone at Butter at a huge table. Turns out Jenny tricked her! The clique girls are at someone's upscale home. Jenny thrusts and parries at questions about what expensive clothes she'll wear to her party, saved by a phone call from her dad. Rufus wants to take her out to dinner, but plays along nicely when she says she wants to be with friends... but the sad music says she might want to be with dad instead of pretending to be fab tomorrow night.
Blair, alone at Butter, puts on the best face possible with the staff.... and then pulls out her phone. Is the bitch back?
Next day, Jenny's at a consignment store -- it's apparent she's been there more than once. She has clothes to sell... but are they hers, or one of her friend's? In exchange, she wants a her own hot outfit.
In the Bass limo, Eric is playing Mini-Me to Chuck's Dr. Evil. Chuck's dad is dubious about the situation, and after Eric leaves, Dad berates him for the porn-and-handcuffs stunt (which Chuck denies again) and then offers him $$$ to keep things copacetic for the wedding. A deal is made.
B and S are talking on the phone - B sez she's not coming in (something to help those less fortunate - ha!) but in reality she's at Rufus' gallery. Back at school, Serena is presented with three cases of champagne, delivered. She leaves it for the kids, and is obviously unnerved at the present. Chuck is intrigued!
OMG - someone stole a couture dress from one of Jenny's friend's moms! Could it be the same dress Jenny just sold at her fave consigment store? As the Magic 8-Ball would say, Signs point to yes! If the dress doesn't get returned, a poor maid could go to jail.
Blair is trying to make trouble with Rufus over Jenny -- B has her sweetest smile on, but manipulation is the name of the game. Rufus counterplays with suggestions of Jenny's servitude to Blair. Blair accepts the maneuver and implies poor Jenny needs help with her new pals. Check, but not checkmate.
Jenny tries to get the stolen/sold dress back so someone you've never seen on the show won't get into trouble. Failing to do so, she calls... Nate! Can she borrow $8000? Nate balks, she hangs up, he's intrigued....
Back at the Bass-Van der Woodsen residence, Lily asks Serena if she has reservations about the upcoming wedding, prompted by the mysterious delivery of champagne at school (thanks, schoolmistress, for blabbing!). Serena vehemently denies, and blames Chuck... just as Chuck's dad walks in assuming the worst.
OMG again - Jenny comes home to Brooklyn, and all her pals are at her loft with Rufus for a low-budget party.... not only is there a tacky cake waiting, but Blair appears to be the one to have arranged it all! Cut to B with a smug smile. Jenny puts on a brave face, but is horrified a la Molly Ringwald in Pretty in Pink that her friends have now seen where she lives.
Blair listens on as Jenny's "friends" induct this so-called party into the "birthday hall of lame." Blair now looks like she has devoured two canaries, with frosting.
Serena and Dan are sharing a thermos of coffee outside wearing trendy scarves. Nate (!) interrupts, asking to speak with..... Dan? Nate is all like concerned over Jenny and the big money request. Dan is good big brother and willing to investigate.
Cut to Jenny trying to get out of her stolen couture outfit as Rufus tries to help. The clique friends walk in... and see that Jenny is wearing the one-of-a-kind Valentino that magically disappeared from somebody's mom's closet. Blair swoops in, devours a third canary, and invites the brood to Butter. Jenny is left humiliated in her (wait for it) red dress! So Scarlett O'Hara, all the way up here in Brooklyn!
Rufus and Jenny are having dad-daughter time; Rufus reveals Blair's machinations, and then demands to know where the red dress came from. Jenny gives it back to him, telling him how difficult it is to be a brown-bagger in a rich world, and that it means she may have no friends. (Translation: It's harder out here for a Brooklyn girl than it is for a pimp!)
Nate bids Serena a chaste good night in front of her hotel, just as Eric walks up after a mysterious four-hour disappearance. The frosted locks are no cover for his excuses, and he gives Serena a line about how great Chuck is, how he doesn't treat him like damaged goods. Eric gives Serena a present supposedly from Chuck... it's cocaine! Eric is shocked... or is he?
Dan's back in Brooklyn, seeing the ruins of Jenny's birthday-from-hell. He plays good brother, but asks about the $8K. Jenny reveals the she-thought-she-could-fool-them-all plan. Dan offers ice cream. Didn't we just see cocaine about 30 seconds ago? Brooklyn is indeed a world apart.
Serena confronts Chuck, who is wearing a strange whale-knit cardigan that must be seen to be believed. She throws the coke at him, and he reveals he's been kicked out, for the good of their soon-to-become family. Both are slightly confused, like whales on a cardigan.
At Butter, Blair is unwilling to give up her table (again) when her clique pals show up to keep her company - B is now Queen Bee again!
Rufus and Dan argue about whether Jenny should be grounded - spring break is, like, officially over now! Dan goes to get Jenny for some cake, but the blonde minx has disappeared... to Nate's, no less. She asks for a favor -- not money, just not to be alone on her birthday. Sweet, yet a tiny bit creepy.
Back at the Bass-Van der Woodsen ranch, Serena tries to make amends with Eric, who rebuffs her. Just then, an urgent letter is hand-delivered to her... dramatic music rises.... "Oh my god," says Serena, who leaves immediately.
Back at Butter, Jenny crashes Blair's table, with Nate in tow. Seeing Jenny's prize catch, the clique girls turn a blind eye to Jenny's Valentino dress theft, while Blair upchucks her previously eaten canaries.
At Chuck's suite, a knock on the door heralds Serena, who apologizes for accusing Chuck of the champagne-porn-cocaine deliveries. A handwritten note reveals it's all thanks to someone named "G" -- "Hope you like your presents! Coming back to town." Chuck somberly and sympathetically offers S a drink - we might all need one for the upcoming drama...