Dr. Allison Cameron: [House is about to pay a $100 bet to Cameron] Cash will be fine.
Dr. Gregory House: I bet you say that to all the guys.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: The Doctors' lounge is covered in mud.
Dr. Gregory House: Thirteen and Cut-throat Bitch had a disagreement, and the cafeteria was out of Jello.
Dr. Amber Volakis: Dr. Cuddy, I'm Amber Volakis, one of Dr. House's new fellows.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: Sexual harassment claims go through HR, stress-related leaves through workman's comp and any accusations of criminal activities go directly to the Princeton Plainsboro's police department.
Dr. Gregory House: What did the angio say?
Cole: We couldn't finish it. She started groping me.
Dr. Gregory House: You couldn't let her get to second base just to get the test done?
Dr. Lawrence Kutner: I think that's third base.
Dr. Gregory House: Dark-religious-nut.
Cole: [indignant] *What* did you call me?
Dr. Gregory House: I'm sorry. What did you want to be called this week?
Dr. Amber Volakis: It could be a tumor to the temporal lobe.
Dr. Chris Taub: Not with a normal CT scan.
Dr. Amber Volakis: You mean it appeared normal to the doc in the ER.
Dr. Gregory House: Way to get right back on that horse, Thirteen.
Thirteen: No, that was Amber.
Dr. Gregory House: Nice try, Cutthroat Bitch. That was the worst Thirteen imitation I've ever heard.
[Dobson and Taub are fighting]
Dr. Gregory House: That is just great.
Henry Dobson: What is?
Dr. Chris Taub: Which one of us is?
Dr. Gregory House: Both of you. Together. Fighting. Passionate to prove the other one wrong. Couldn't care less about the patient, but it all works out the same.
Dr. Amber Volakis: I hate Thirteen!
Dr. Gregory House: Not as productively.
Dr. Gregory House: Big Love, have I humiliated you in the last half hour?
Dr. Gregory House: Check your e-mail.
Dr. Gregory House: I'm a jerk to everyone. Best way to protect yourself from lawsuits.
Dr. Gregory House: [to Cuddy, about what he had the candidates dig up a body for] Little tiny piece of his brain. Seemed a waste... he wasn't using it anymore.
[while preparing a body for a funeral]
Irene: It's a shame they're going to cremate you.
[Cole just punched House]
Dr. Amber Volakis: I know what she has!
Dr. Gregory House: You couldn't have spoken up 10 seconds ago? Could have saved me a hundred bucks.