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Zaphod Beeblebrox: Hey, Ford. How many escape capsules are there?

Ford Prefect: None.

Zaphod Beeblebrox: You counted them?

Ford Prefect: Twice.

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Number One: But, sir, they're my prisoners. Can't I just interrogate them a little bit?

B-Ark captain: Oh, very well. Ask them what they want to drink.

Number One: Thank you, sir. All right, you scum, you *vermin*...

B-Ark captain: Steady on, Number One.

Number One: What do you want to drink?

Ford Prefect: Well, gin and tonic sounds very nice to me. Arthur?

Arthur Dent: Huh? Yes.

Number One: With ice or without?

Ford Prefect: [thinks] With, please.

Number One: *Lemon*?

Ford Prefect: Yeah. And do you have any of those little biscuits? You know, the cheesy ones?

Number One: I'm asking the questions.

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Ford Prefect: Ah, this is futile. Five hundred and seventy-three committee meetings, you haven't even discovered fire yet.

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Number Two: I have declared war on the next continent.

Ford Prefect: Declared war? There's no one even living there.

Number Two: Yes, but there will be one day. So we've left a sort of open-ended ultimatum.

Ford Prefect: What?

Number Two: And blown up a few military installations.

B-Ark captain: Military installations, Number Two?

Number Two: Yes, sir. Well, potential military installations.

[pause]

Number Two: All right. Trees. And we interrogated a gazelle.

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Arthur Dent: I'm trying to teach the cavemen to play Scrabble. It's uphill work. The only word they know is "unh", and they don't know how to spell it.

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Arthur Dent: I always said there was something fundamentally wrong with the universe.

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Arthur: So this is it. We're going to die.

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Newscaster: High above me, the sun is shining away and doesn't know what's going to hit it. The environmentalists lobby, however, do know what's going to hit it, and claim the concert will cause earthquakes, tidal waves, hurricanes, irreparable damage to the atmosphere, and all the usual things environmentalists usually go on about. But I've just had a report that a representative of Disaster Area met with the environmentalists this morning and had them all shot, so now nothing stands in the way of the concert going ahead this afternoon on this beautiful sunny day.

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Arthur Dent: What does teleport mean?

Zaphod Beeblebrox: *What* did you say? Where does it say that?

Arthur Dent: Well here, below the word that says "emergency" and above the word that says "system" and next to the sign that says "out of order".

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[last lines]

Ford Prefect: I read of one planet in the seventh dimension got used as a ball in a game of intergalactic bar billiards. Got potted straight into a black hole, killed ten billion people.

Arthur Dent: Madness. Total madness.

Ford Prefect: Yeah. Only scored thirty points too.

Arthur Dent: Where'd you read that?

Ford Prefect: Oh, a book.

Arthur Dent: What book?

Ford Prefect: The Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy.

Arthur Dent: Oh. That thing.

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Arthur Dent: So this is it. We're going to die.

Ford Prefect: I wish you'd stop saying that.

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The Book: One of the things that Ford Prefect had always found hardest to understand about human beings was their habit of continually stating and restating the very, very obvious. As in: "It's a nice day," or "You're very tall," or "So this is it. We're going to die."

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Zaphod Beeblebrox: Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

Ford Prefect: I think so.

Zaphod Beeblebrox: Tell me what you think I'm thinking.

Ford Prefect: I think you're thinking it's time we got off this ship.

Zaphod Beeblebrox: I think you're right.

Ford Prefect: I think you're right.

Arthur Dent: How?

Zaphod Beeblebrox's second head: Quiet. We're thinking.

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Arthur: [being menaced by an angry caveman] No, no, please, please. Put down the jawbone.

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Ford Prefect: Hey, look! A plaque!

Arthur Dent: What's it say?

Ford Prefect: Golgafrincham Ark Fleet Ship B Hold 7 Telephone Sanitiser Second Class, and a serial number.

Arthur Dent: Telephone sanitiser? A dead telephone sanitiser?

Ford Prefect: Best kind.

Arthur Dent: What's he doing here?

Ford Prefect: Not a lot.

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Marvin: [talking about the Ultimate Question to the Ultimate Answer to Life, the Universe and Everything] It's printed in the Earthman's brainwave patterns, but I don't suppose you'd be interested in knowing that.

Arthur Dent: You mean you can see into my mind?

Marvin: Yes.

Arthur Dent: Well?

Marvin: It amazes me how you manage to live in anything that small.

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Arthur Dent: Poor bloody caveman. It's all been a waste of time for you, hasn't it? You've been out-evolved by a telephone sanitizer.

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Ford Prefect: [discussing the teleporter while their ship is plunging into the sun] Someone will have to stay behind and operate it manually!

[pause]

Ford Prefect: But that means whoever does wouldn't...

Trillian: [quietly] ... make it.

Zaphod Beeblebrox: [Ford, Trillian, Arthur and Zaphod consider this before all turning to stare at Marvin as Zaphod grins slyly] Hey, Marvin kid. How ya doing?

Marvin: Very badly I suspect.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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