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(2007 Video Game)

Quotes

Spider-Man: Ok, we're going to Egypt next.

Rhino: Oh... what's an Egypt?

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Nick Fury: [after Lizard had helped out Spider-Man] Oh, that lizard guy, he's hired.

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[Spider-Man falls to the floor after being hit by Sandman and finds Sandman, Doctor Octopus, Green Goblin and Venom standing before him]

Sandman: Got any clever little quips for me, web-head?

[New Goblin hovers above Spider-Man on his glider]

New Goblin: Sandman, you're a walking pile of kitty litter. Making fun of you would be too easy.

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New Goblin: Spidey, hitch a ride!

[Spider-Man fires a web at New Goblin's glider as he flies by and he swings away with New Goblin away from his gathered villains]

New Goblin: Looked like you could use a hand!

Spider-Man: What I could use is a *bazooka!*

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[after being surrounded by Phantoms, a spotlight shines down on Spider-Man from the S.H.I.E.L.D. ship above him]

Spider-Man: If this day gets any weirder, I may have to scream.

[the spotlight starts to lift Spider-Man up into the sky]

Spider-Man: Yep. That'll do it.

[Spider-Man screams as he's pulled into the S.H.I.E.L.D. ship]

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[Spider-Man stands before a defeated Doctor Octopus]

Doctor Octopus: You don't want to fight?

Spider-Man: Doc, you were wreaking havoc until I broke the amulet controlling your mind.

Doctor Octopus: Someone took control of my mind?

[Doctor Octopus is lifted up by his tentacles and stands before Spider-Man]

Doctor Octopus: *Unacceptable!*

Spider-Man: Wanna help me find out who it was?

Doctor Octopus: I most certainly *would!*

[Doctor Octopus rubs his chin]

Doctor Octopus: Say. If I didn't know any better, I'd swear I'd been *punched!*

Spider-Man: Oh, really? Weird.

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[Spider-Man is teleported into the SHIELD Helicarrier and he looks around the room for a moment]

Spider-Man: Hello?

[Nick Fury approaches Spider-Man]

Nick Fury: Nick Fury, director of SHIELD.

[Spider-Man and Nick Fury briefly shake hands]

Spider-Man: The anti-terrorist organization?

Nick Fury: That's just one part of our initiative. The rest is top secret.

Spider-Man: You're top secret and your headquarters is a giant, flying aircraft carrier?

Nick Fury: You'd be surprised how rarely anybody looks up.

[Nick Fury walks off and over to the Computer and Spider-Man walks after him]

Spider-Man: You know, I'm happy to be alive and all, but how did I get here?

Nick Fury: Short range teleporter pulled you out of the fray. Somebody wake the Computer up. It's time to get to work.

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[the Computer is activated and the computer screen turns on]

Computer: Mission briefing software online. Welcome, Colonel Fury. Welcome, Spider-Man.

Spider-Man: Uh... Hi? Should I talk to the computer?

Nick Fury: Only if you want to irritate me.

Computer: I appreciate the attention.

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Nick Fury: Computer, load up the meteor situation report.

[an image appears on the screen of a meteor storm in outer space and they pass by Earth]

Nick Fury: A while back, a meteor storm passed through our corner of the galaxy.

Computer: Trajectory Alpha seven three.

[one meteor rock heads down to Earth]

Nick Fury: Now most of those space rocks went racing right on by Earth. But one crashed down.

[the screen shows an image of the meteor crash-landing in New York]

Computer: Tracking impact locale.

Nick Fury: Right in the middle of Manhattan.

Computer: Impact location. Forty degrees, forty seven minutes north; seventy three degrees, fifty eight minutes west.

Nick Fury: Two guesses what hitched a ride on that meteor.

Spider-Man: Venom.

[an image of Venom appears on the screen]

Computer: Venom: symbiotic lifeform of unknown alien origin.

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Nick Fury: But that's not the worst part.

Spider-Man: It gets worse than Venom?

Computer: Worse is a relative term. Venom is only a rating seven of ten on a scale of terrible ways to die.

Nick Fury: See, that meteor shower he was a part of...

[Nick Fury is interrupted as an image appears on the screen of a wasp with a rocket launcher strapped to its back]

Computer: As a means of comparison, some selections from level eight include wasps with laser-guided...

Nick Fury: Computer, put a sock in it!

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Nick Fury: As I was saying, that meteor shower that Venom was part of...

[the screen shows an image of a meteor heading to Earth]

Nick Fury: One of the meteors went into low Earth orbit and bounced across the atmosphere like a stone on water. But as it went, it broke apart into smaller shards.

[an image appears of the world and of the five meteor shards' landing sites]

Computer: Meteor shard landing sites. Tokyo, Japan. Tangaroa Island. Cairo, Egypt. Stokerstov, Transylvania. And Alberna, Nepal.

Nick Fury: We've tracked the various pieces to their landing sites, but before we could move in to collect them, these nasty pieces of work started showing up.

[an image of a PHANTOM monster appears on the screen]

Computer: Perpetual Holographic Avatar Nano Tech Offensive Monster, or PHANTOM.

Spider-Man: You guys have a department just for acronyms, don't you?

Nick Fury: PHANTOMS aren't biological. They're a mix of solid light holographic technology and the symbiote substance found in the meteors.

Spider-Man: Somebody's making monsters that use the symbiote goo? That's just great!

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Nick Fury: We're clearly dealing with someone of advanced technological means creating these things and they obviously have their hands on one shard already. So *we* need to get to the other shards before they can. Which is why I need your help, Spider-Man.

[an image appears of Spider-Man standing before Green Goblin, Doctor Octopus and Venom]

Nick Fury: You've faced enough super-powered threats in your day. You're the perfect guy for the job.

Spider-Man: Oh, man. I have to say, I was really looking forward to maybe taking a few days off.

Nick Fury: We've got a saying around here.

[an image of Nick Fury appears on the screen, pointing forward with several SHIELD soldiers standing side by side behind him]

Nick Fury: Saving the world is a full-time job.

Spider-Man: I get it. Great power, great responsibility... Okay, I'm in. Where do I start?

[the Computer screen goes blank]

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Nick Fury: Computer, show us what we've got on Japan.

[a map of Japan appears on the computer screen]

Computer: In 1603, the Tangogawa shogun instituted a long period of iso...

Nick Fury: Computer, a bit more *recent* history, please.

[an image of a robotic, Godzilla-sized Sumo wrestler appears in a Japanese city and destroys buildings as it breathes fire at it]

Nick Fury: I have access to your "off" switch, Computer.

Computer: Of course you do.

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[a map appears of Japan and shows an image of the meteor shard's crash landing in Tokyo]

Computer: Impact point. Thirty five degrees, forty-one minutes north. One hundred and thirty nine degrees, forty six minutes east.

Nick Fury: Spider-Man, we tracked the first meteor, but it was retrieved and taken somewhere in Tokyo. Complicating matters are sightings of a couple of old friends of yours.

[an image of Green Goblin appears on the computer screen]

Computer: Threat identity: Green Goblin. Green Goblin is equipped with an arsenal of razor bats and pumpkin bombs. Warning: Approach with caution.

Spider-Man: Well, there's the understatement of the year.

[an image of Doctor Octopus appears on the computer screen]

Computer: Threat identity: Doc Ock. Doc Ock is a genius of technological science. Warning: May be dangerous.

Spider-Man: No, wait. *There's* the understatement of the year.

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Computer: Warning. Additional scans of local media, police vans and screaming in streets indicates high concentration of PHANTOM activity. PHANTOMS present have estimated symbiote index of five percent of maximum.

Spider-Man: Well, sounds like I should go down there.

Nick Fury: Hold up. There's one more bit of information. There's an operative in the area. Cat burglar by trade, but she sports a heart of gold.

[an image of Black Cat appears on the computer screen]

Computer: Agent identity: Black Cat. Wielding a grappling hook as a weapon, she is a dangerous and agile combatant.

Nick Fury: She might be willing to lend a hand if you bump into her.

Spider-Man: So, to review: Crazy hologram monsters, crazy bad guys, lost meteor shard and incredibly attractive cat burglar.

Nick Fury: That's it in a nut shell. Good luck down there.

[the computer screen goes blank]

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[as Black Cat tries to open a locked door, Spider-Man appears behind Black Cat and dangles upside down holding a web rope]

Black Cat: You think you're pretty sneaky, don't you?

[Black Cat turns around and is face to face with Spider-Man]

Spider-Man: I was, uh... eh... Oh, boy.

[Spider-Man releases his web, drops to the floor and stands before Black Cat]

Spider-Man: I'm looking for a crazy guy with big metal arms. Have you seen him?

Black Cat: Yeah, he's inside this building.

[Black Cat leans back against the locked door with a smile]

Black Cat: How bad do you want in?

[Spider-Man scratches his head]

Spider-Man: Oh, uh... well... Pretty bad.

Black Cat: Then I wanna go *with.*

Spider-Man: *That*... could be *arranged.*

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[Doctor Octopus has a mind-control amulet on his chest and he walks with his tentacles to his machine containing his self-sustaining energy sun]

Doctor Octopus: Yes, yes, this will do nicely. The PHANTOMS should see their power increase *tenfold.*

[Spider-Man is sticking to the side wall and looks down at Doctor Octopus]

Spider-Man: Thousands of miles from home and who do I bump into, but my favorite metal-armed maniac!

[Doctor Octopus turns around and notices Spider-Man clinging to the wall]

Doctor Octopus: *Spider-Man!*

[Spider-Man leaps off the wall and at Doctor Octopus, but he is struck in the ribs by Doc Ock, sent slamming back-first against the wall and falls to the floor]

Spider-Man: Oh...

[Spider-Man gasps for air as he notices that Doctor Octopus is standing by his machine]

Spider-Man: Who needs ribs, anyway?

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[while fighting a mind-controlled Doc Ock]

Spider-Man: Four extra arms and you still can't get me!

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[after defeating a group of PHANTOMS]

Spider-Man: Spidey and friends, one. Bad guys, nothing.

Prowler: 'Nuff said.

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[after defeating a group of PHANTOMS]

Spider-Man: Spidey and friends, one. Bad guys, nothing.

Black Cat: I couldn't have said it better.

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[before a group of PHANTOMS appear]

Doctor Octopus: You're more fidgety than usual.

Spider-Man: Something has my spider-sense going.

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[a group of PHANTOMS suddenly appears to fight Spider-Man and Prowler]

Spider-Man: [singing]

Spider-Man: The itsy-bitsy spider's gonna web you in the face!

Prowler: Oh, I can't work with you when there's singing involved!

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[before a group of PHANTOMS appear]

Black Cat: What's your spider-sense say?

Spider-Man: You'd better believe my spider-sense is tingling!

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[after defeating a group of PHANTOMS]

Spider-Man: Spidey and friends, one. Bad guys, nothing.

Doctor Octopus: Ye... *Friends?*

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[after a group of PHANTOMS appear]

Spider-Man: I was wondering when I'd find more of you - to *fight!*

Black Cat: *I* was wondering when we would get a quiet moment alone.

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[after defeating a group of PHANTOMS]

Spider-Man: What a workout!

Green Goblin: For your *jaw?* Yes, I imagine it *was!*

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[a large PHANTOM appears to fight Spider-Man and Doctor Octopus]

Doctor Octopus: This one appears most sinister.

Spider-Man: Oh, I bet you're just a big teddy bear, aren't you?

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[after defeating a group of PHANTOMS]

Spider-Man: Man, it feels good to be a super-hero!

Doctor Octopus: And this is where we *stop* agreeing!

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[the Computer screen switches on]

Computer: Briefing software active. Sense of humor, offline.

Spider-Man: Excuse me?

Nick Fury: Computer was getting a little uppity, so I pulled a couple of chips.

[a map of Tangaroa Island appears on the Computer screen]

Computer: Tangaroa Island. Once believed mythical, this island at latitude four point eight one five and longitude a hundred and sixty two point three four two is mostly unexplored.

Nick Fury: So far, we know this meteor shard hasn't been snatched yet. But there's still a pretty good deal of PHANTOM activity in the area. We sent someone in to retrieve the meteor shard, but we lost radio contact within twenty-four hours ago.

[an image of Iron Fist appears on the Computer screen]

Computer: Agent identity: Iron Fist. There is nothing funny about this name. Iron Fist is a master of the K'un L'un martial arts. His costume is not funny.

Nick Fury: Clearly, I need to unhook some sarcasm circuits, too.

Spider-Man: Oh, come on! Just give the poor thing its sense of humor back!

[after a brief pause, an image of the SHIELD bird emblem appears on the screen]

Computer: Sense of humor reactivated.

[stars drop down onto the screen and a red-and-white striped party hat drops and lands on the head of the SHIELD bird emblem]

Computer: Thank you, Spider-Man.

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Spider-Man: Computer, are the PHANTOMS on the island the same as what we saw in Tokyo?

Computer: Last report from agent Iron Fist identified a nine percent symbiote index in all encountered PHANTOMS.

Nick Fury: Computer, if you think you can behave yourself, please load up the villain profiles.

[an image of Scorpion appears on the Computer screen]

Computer: Threat identity: Scorpion. Scorpion's suit is equipped with a high-powered plasma laser. Warning: has a big tail!

Nick Fury: *Computer*...

[an image of Rhino appears on the screen]

Computer: Threat identity: Rhino. Rhino's strength is only matched by his lack of wits. Warning...

[Computer chuckles]

Computer: Smells like a rhinoceros.

Nick Fury: All right, that's enough! I want some computer techs in here right now! I want...

[Spider-Man talks over Nick Fury, who is still indistinctly shouting orders]

Spider-Man: I'll tell you what. I'll leave you two to sort this out and I'll go see if I can find your buddy Iron Fist and that meteor shard.

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[Spider-Man lands crouched before a mind-controlled Scorpion]

Spider-Man: Hey. What'cha doing, pal?

Scorpion: Keeping you occupied while the others collect the shards!

[Scorpion swats his tail at Spider-Man, but he flips away and lands on the ground]

Spider-Man: So your plan to keep me occupied is to put a big tail on your costume and hit me with it? Genius!

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[after his mind-control amulet has been destroyed, Scorpion shakes his head, looks around at the temple he's in and he notices Spider-Man standing before him]

Scorpion: Whoa! This ain't New York!

Spider-Man: Ooh, observant! Tell me, now that I've broken the mind control, what's going on?

Scorpion: *Mind control?*

[Scorpion slams his fists on the ground in anger]

Scorpion: Somebody needs a *thumping*, 'cause I don't like being out of control!

[Spider-Man crouches and looks at Scorpion]

Spider-Man: And yet, when you're *in* control, you dress up like a scorpion and act crazy. Go figure.

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[after defeating a group of PHANTOMS]

Spider-Man: Spidey and friends, one. Bad guys, nothing.

Venom: I am *not* your friend!

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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