Tyler Davidson: I love you, man, you know, like... like a brother... Not, like, you know...
Chase Rousseau: Yeah, I know. No sword fights.
Tyler Davidson: Right.
Chase Rousseau: I love you, too.
Tyler Davidson: Maybe we can find a more macho way of saying it. You know, something a little more manly.
Chase Rousseau: Go Steelers?
Tyler Davidson: Yeah. Go Steelers is good. I like that. I love that. Let's use that from now on. Go Steelers. Wow, I never said "I love you" to a guy before.
Chase Rousseau: Yeah, me, neither.
Tyler Davidson: Good talk.
Stacey Davidson: I'm just trying to show a little interest and talk about something other than golf. There are other people at this table. Maybe you'd like to hear what Birdie has planned for the day. Would anyone like some more waffles?
Birdie Davidson: Uhh, we haven't even started yet.
Stacey Davidson: Well, we'd best get started then, shouldn't we?
Nathan Davidson: Sorry, your mother's right. It's polite to show interest, otherwise you can seem cold or frigid.
Stacey Davidson: Oh, sometimes it's what people do when the actions of others seem erratic or unusual.
Nathan Davidson: It's difficult for someone to attempt spontaneity if they're greeted with ridicule.
Stacey Davidson: When you don't tend your chickens, they'll never produce the golden egg.
Tyler Davidson: Okay, I get it. Show a little interest. Sorry. Birdie, what're you doing today?
Birdie Davidson: Mom doesn't like that I've seen a penis so I have to start tennis lessons.
Tyler Davidson: That's great. That's really great. Great waffles, Mom.
Chase Rousseau: Kinda like being a spy.
Tyler Davidson: What is?
Chase Rousseau: Being gay. 'Cause nobody knows until I tell them... You know, if people'd be brutally honest because they think nobody is listening...
Chase Rousseau: Hey... good party, Andy.
Anal Andy: My hot tub smells like urine.
[On the screen: A mulligan, in golf, happens when a player gets a second chance to perform a certain move or action]
Birdie Davidson: First, see if the victim is conscious and breathing. Second, call for help in a loud, clear voice. "Help... help." And third, if the victim is not breathing, check the mouth for anything that may be blocking the air hole, like an apple core or something.
Nathan Davidson: Hey, Birdie. Why are your dollies naked?
Birdie Davidson: They were swimming, and Lindsey almost drowned.
Birdie Davidson: I saw Jeffrey's penis.
Nathan Davidson: Who's Jeffrey and why'd you see his penis?
Chase Rousseau: I thought you said your dad was uptight.
Tyler Davidson: Yeah, well, he usually is. Maybe it's like a mid-life crisis or something.
Tyler Davidson: Dad, I can't believe you get up that early to go running. At your age, shouldn't you be knitting or something?
Nathan Davidson: Thanks, smart ass.
Tyler Davidson: You know what? You really need to call Christy.
Chase Rousseau: She's not really my type.
Tyler Davidson: Oh, man, stop be such a fag. You don't have to marry her. You just have to...
Tyler Davidson: [starts humping a fence] ... hit it.
Tyler Davidson: Man, no more meat for Birdie, huh? She's so weird sometimes.
Nathan Davidson: Maybe she needs a little change.
Tyler Davidson: No, she's ALWAYS eating meat.
Nathan Davidson: Maybe she never really liked it.
Tyler Davidson: Yeah, you think once she gets a taste she's gonna go back?
Nathan Davidson: I don''t know. Maybe she'll be a veggie for life. Hey, you know what, you might try it. Maybe you'll surprise yourself.
Tyler Davidson: No. I don't need to try it. That stuff is gross.
Tyler Davidson: Mom, I've got a man-crush on Brad Pitt. Doesn't mean I'm gay.
Bre Hamilton: It's killing you, isn't it?
Tyler Davidson: Obviously.
Bre Hamilton: Well, I can tell. You haven't tried to make out with me and we've been here, what, ten minutes?
Jeffrey: I wasn't showing my penis. I was showing a minnow.
Stacey Davidson: Oh..."minnow." For sure.
Birdie Davidson: Mom, he's telling the truth. He was just showing me a minnow.
Stacey Davidson: This is unbelieveable. I don't care what we want to call it, children of age should not be sharing this kind of thing.
Birdie Davidson: Where did Chase go?
Stacey Davidson: Well, he's gone to stay someplace else.
Birdie Davidson: Did he and Tyler break up?
Stacey Davidson: Tyler and Chase were never dating.
Birdie Davidson: But they loved each other. I could tell.
Stacey Davidson: They loved each other like good friends. RIght now they have some issues to work out.