- Diamond thief, bigamist, and con-artist Teri Ranzino (aka Trudy Wainright, Tenley Bishop, Toni Denard, Tress Stevenson), is put into Witsec after stealing 10 million dollars in raw diamonds from her latest clueless husband/mark, getting arrested by the FBI, agreeing to divulge the whereabouts of 20 million dollars worth of illegal conflict diamonds, and giving up the identities of the men conspiring to sell them. After settling in to her new life, the now-Trenna Morris, finds a new rich man to marry, claims she really loves this one, and ropes Mary into being a bridesmaid. When the diamond smuggler, Ngwama Mubutu, sees her picture in the paper, however, "happily ever after" may not be in her future. Raphael proposes to Mary after being called up to the Majors, with disastrous results.—Lynne Boris Johnston
- Hawaii, six months ago. A man on his honeymoon talks business with someone on his cell phone. His new bride asks him to promise that this will be the last deal he ever makes, because it's "immoral." Later, the man inspects diamonds, then gives them to his wife to put somewhere safe. She leaves him with the two men he's doing business with. He assures them it's ok, he trusts her.
She goes downstairs and changes clothes in a maid's room, putting something in an envelope the maid gives her. She pays the maid. The woman walks off, with her suitcase. She's apprehended by the FBI, who cite her many aliases in charging her with five counts of bigamy. She asks the agent if turning over conflict diamonds along with the two men who sold them will get her a deal.
Teri Ranzino enters WITSEC as Treena Morris.
In Albuquerque, Treena waits at WITSEC as Mary and her boss Stan look on from the other room. They watch Treena coo at FBI Agent Bob, who arrested her. They brief her on the rules. No contact with anyone. Mary gives her the "be a better person" speech. "As impossible as it may seem, I've seen even bigger scumbags than you do just that and make it stick," Mary tells her. She tells her to turn over the diamonds. Treena says she doesn't have them. Mary asks Bob if it's about time her get back to his wife and kids. He leaves. Mary tells Treena she gives her six months tops before she screws up and Mary gets to send her off to prison.
Present day. Mary and Marshall read the paper poolside. Marshall reads that Mary's boyfriend is about to get called up to the big leagues. Brandi suns herself nearby, Marshall tries - and fails - not to oogle. Mary throws something at him, hitting his pants. "Hey," he says, "these are my mambo pants." He's taking mambo lessons. They stand up to leave and Mary sees a picture of Treena in an engagement announcement in the paper. "Hey, did you forget to tell her the part about no pictures in the newspaper? Because that's kind of a big WITSEC no-no." Marshall teases.
She calls Treena. She writes down her address and then writes "86 Treena" on her to-do list.
Mary explains why she hates con artists. They don't just leave people poor, they take their dignity.
Mary arrives to see Treena and she's there with her fiance and future mother in law. Treena introduces Mary as her old friend who works for the U.S. Marshals. Uh-oh.
Mary drags her off and reads her the riot act. She violated security protocols with the newspaper picture and then jeopardized Mary's safety by ID'ing her as a Marshal. And there's no way Mary's going to let her break another man's heart on her watch. She tells her by this time tomorrow she's either out of the program or relocated to a new city.
Raphael, Mary's baseball-playing boyfriend calls. Except she won't call him her boyfriend. He tells her he got called up to the Marlins and leaves in a few days.
Mary gets to the office and she and Stan talk over each other. She says she wants Treena out of the program, he says under no circumstances can she boot her. FBI Agent Bob called, Treena has incriminating video of them and will send it to his wife if Mary blows her wedding.
Marshall mambos. (Yes, it was just that incongruous.) Stan joins in, he has surprisingly agile hips.
Mary goes to Raphael's. She wants to make-out. He interrupts her with a cupcake. She takes a bite. It's not the right bite. He digs something out of it and proposes. He asks repeatedly. She curses at him, saying you don't just propose when you get called up, and throws the ring. Probably not the reaction he was hoping for. She storms out.
The next day, she gets fitted for a bridesmaid dress for Treena's wedding. She sees a man taking pictures out the window but can't chase after him in her heels and dress. She loses him in an alley and then has to jump in a pile of trash to avoid getting hit by his car.
She comes back in and tries to get answers from Treena, who gives none.
They chat at the office and then Mary goes home to get ready for a party at Treena's. Brandi dresses her, saying she wants Mary's help getting her life together. Mary ends up looking like a fancy hooker. Marshall is waiting outisde Treena's, and tells Mary they can't find the two diamond dealers Treena's ex bought the stones from. He can't make eye contact with Mary because looking at her makes him feel "dirty."
Mary goes into the house and Treena ad libs a believable story about how Mary wore no underwear to class to get a good grade. Mary spins an unflattering one right back. A cop comes in looking for Treena. He strips, revealing a physique some might pay not to see. Mary walks away. Treena comes into the room where Mary's checking her phone. They argue about how the lying they do to the people in their lives is different. Mary does it to protect people, she says. Treena tells her if she weren't a Marshal she'd have some other excuse for hiding.
Marshall walks in to find Mary pouring her heart out to the doughy stripper. (Who really is a cop, but is moonlighting.)
Another cop shows up, Dershowitz. He has the camera, with pictures of Mary, from the guy she saw earlier at the dress shop. He was found dead. He was a PI from Dallas whose phone records have a lot of calls from South Africa, where the smugglers are from.
Mary wants to take Treena out of there. Treena claims to actually be in love with her fiance. He calls. He asks her if by any chance she stole $10 million worth of diamonds. The smugglers have him. They want to trade him for the diamonds.
Treena freaks out. Mary talks to Stan and Marshall. Treena's future mother in law comes over. Treena confesses everything. Her mother-in-law to be is totally unfazed. Treena tells her the diamonds are in a jar of frozen spaghetti sauce in her freezer. Mary goes to Treena's apartment and finds nothing. Marshal kicks down a door to find that Treena has disappeared.
They track her cell phone to a barn. They hear Treena talking to the smugglers, who say they're going to kill her regardless. Mary fake makes out with Marshall - who responds by actually kissing her - then stumbles over the smugglers pretending to be an innocent friend. The smugglers pull their guns and go to shoot them all, but Mary slaps a handy horse on the rump and it rears, knocking over the smugglers. Some Chuck Norris action ensues. One smuggler ends ups facedown in a pile of manure. The other guy gets away on a horse.
Treena gets her fiance out of the trunk and cops arrive.
Dershowitz rides up on the horse with a lasso around the one who got away. That's just cool.
Wedding day. The happy couple walk to their waiting limo. Mary, Stan and Marshall are in attendance. Raphael calls. He's at the airport. She tells him not to leave until she gets there.
Treena stops her and gives her a card. She's opting out of the program. No one wants her dead anymore. "Hey," Mary says, "don't sell yourself short." Treena hugs her and tells her to allow the possibility for something greater. Mary races to the airport in her crappy car, her voice over talking about the possibility of finding "happily ever after."
She gets stopped at a roilroad crossing. She crosses the tracks, but her car stalls. She scrambles out, but her dress gets caught in the door. She pushes the car across just as the plane flies off over head. "Well," she says, "doesn't that just blow?" Not exactly a fairy tale ending.
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