Dr. Gregory House: [about Cameron dying her hair blonde] The hair makes you look like a hooker. I like it.
Dr. Gregory House: I don't know who's been gossiping about ethics instead of sex, but I hope they've already been fired.
Dr. Gregory House: Paging me during Judge Judy - not the best way to win my affections.
Dr. Gregory House: Luckily, violence is not the last resort - extortion is. So go ahead... extort her.
Dr. Lisa Cuddy: You bumped a spleenectomy for a boob job?
Dr. Gregory House: Would you condemn this woman to a life where people look at her face when they talk to her?
[two cute twins argue a diagnosis]
Dr. Gregory House: Stop it! This argument is distracting every male and lesbian here.
Dr. Gregory House: New patient. 30-year-old female with synesthesia. New rules. You generated a lab report, you shred it. X-ray, you melt it. No notes, no records, nothing. As far as you're concerned, the patient is Osama Bin Laden. And everyone not in this room is Delta Force. Any questions?
Dr. O'Reilly, a.k.a. #11: We're protecting Osama Bin Laden?
Dr. Gregory House: It's a metaphor. Get used to it.
[to the applicants]
Dr. Gregory House: You all have numbers, so we're gonna do this alphabetically.
Dr. Gregory House: Rational arguments don't usually work on religious people. Otherwise there would be no religious people.
Dr. Gregory House: The rest of you, 8:00 a.m. sharp. I'll be in sometime between 10 and 3.
Captain Greta Cooper: I'm a captain in the Air Force; about to start a new assignment. NASA's astronaut training program.
Dr. Gregory House: I discovered salt and created FM radio.