Spencer Aimes: Let's just say that I work for the blah blah blah, and they gave me a license to blah.
Mrs. Kornfeldt: Excuse me, Stewardess? Three chardonnays, please.
Mr. Kornfeldt: None for me, actually. I like to stay awake and alert.
Jen Kornfeldt: None for me, either.
Mrs. Kornfeldt: Okay, so, just the three chardonnays then.
Jen Kornfeldt: How weird is this going to get? Because some things you cannot unsee.
Spencer Aimes: You said I Love You while you were sleeping in the hotel bed, but I didn't told you that. Because I want to be the one to say it first.
Jen Kornfeldt: [In reference to her dad, under the table] You see that guy over by the menus? Freakishly tall, excellent mustache?
Spencer Aimes: [Looks] That's a gorgeous mustache.
Jen Kornfeldt: Well he, um... he's a Russian diplomat. Also kind of a pervert. I sat next to him on the plane, he got a little grabby.
Spencer Aimes: Really? Wait, women don't like 'grabby'? I'm gonna have to change my whole M.O.
Jen Kornfeldt: Really? You wanna poke mama bear right now, that seems like a *good* idea?
Spencer Aimes: We've been married for three years and we've never been more than five minutes away from your parents. They're always coming over and your dad's all... all... Well, uh, this is how the Kornfeldt's load the dishwasher. And, mow the lawn clockwise 'cause that's the Kornfeldt way. Take this piece of coal, stick it up your kiester, squeeze it real tight like we do, and you'll and make a Kornfeldt diamond.