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*** This review may contain spoilers ***
This review may contain spoilers. You've been warned. Twilight was a
terrible film adaption of a, let's face it, mediocre novel. I went into
the theater with an open mind, not expecting brilliance, but expecting
to be entertained. Well, I guess I was technically entertained since I
laughed throughout most of the movie. Sadly, I wasn't laughing at
purposely funny moments. I was laughing at the awkward "acting" of the
actors and the terrible dialogue.
Now this is where it gets tricky: Do we blame the screenwriter or the
author? The movie made me realize just how corny the book's dialogue
was. I found myself rolling my eyes, when I wasn't laughing, at every
word out of the actor's mouth. Especially the dialogue between Edward
and Bella. Now, the dialogue could have been over looked if the actors
were able to deliver them. Alas, whoever decided to do casting for this
film decided to cast every "actor" with the acting ability of a
toaster. Now, a toaster is a inanimate object and therefore cannot act.
Get the hint? What made me laugh the hardest was at the end of the
movie when Bella's mother decides to inform Phil VIA TEXT MESSAGE that
Bella is alright. I was so shocked that she was really texting him that
I turned to my friend and whispered "Bella's okay, L-O-L". Really,
though. Text messages? I would think that informing your potential
spouse of your child's well being would warrant a phone call at least.
Now, I have to point out the scene where Edward decides to flash Bella
the goods. He want's to educate her in the ways of the vampire. He
cannot go out into sunlight NOT because he'll burn or turn to dust, but
because he turns into a failed children's art project. Reading the
scene in the book I already knew whoever turned the book into a film
was going to have issues with the scene. However, I really thought
they'd aim for something above spraying Robert Pattinson with water
then dumping craft store glitter on him. I didn't even notice the
"sparkles" at first. My friend turned to me and commented "The sun hits
him and he gets gross and sweaty?" because, let's face it, that's what
he looked like. Damp and dirty. Oh baby, I can hardly contain myself! I
could go on and nit pick at everything, but I'm just going to wrap it
up and say this movie was awful and I'm disappointed in the
screenwriter as well as the director. I feel like Hardwicke was too
focused on making the mise-en-scene beautiful and aesthetically
pleasing, which is all well and good, but in doing so she over looked
her cast of actors who would probably get over looked at a high school
play audition with the way they displayed their acting abilities in
this movie. Though, maybe I take back the part of being disappointed in
the screenwriter since you can only do so much with the source material
you're handed.
BRING ON THE TWILIGHT FANS! I CAN TAKE THEM! *Shields at maximum
power!*
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
Movie begins. Some sh*t happens.
Vampire dude: I've killed humans. But, you know, I'm not a monster or
anything anymore, all I do now is hunt animals, drink their blood while
they are mostly still alive, and dismember the carcases after.
Stupid retarded pale girl: OH WOW, well that's OK! Because you are HOT
and totally BADASS and you have skin that shines like f*cking diamonds
in the sun for some f*cking unknown reason and I like shiny stuff
because I'm f*cking retarded!
Vampire dude: I think we should go out because I am an obsessive
compulsive stalker and you don't mind having men you've just met
sneaking into your bedroom at night and watching you sleep.
Stupid retarded pale girl: I can see no fallacies with your logic.
Some more sh*t happens.
The end.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
I would give this movie no stars.. This movie is pathetic. I mean so
pathetic. The acting was awful!
The movie starts well, but once they introduce the Cullens its pretty
much downhill. Ashley Greene looks good as Alice, Jackson Rathbone
looks constipated as Jasper, a wooden plank would have been a more
convincing Edward. Robert Pattinson deserves the Razzie, second
thought, his acting is so horrible that a razzie is like honoring him.
Vampires are supposed to be scary, when Edward scales trees he acts
like a monkey, move over Kong! The baseball match looks like Super
Mario Sluggers on steroids! Horrible..
The scene where Edward glitters is pathetic. It looks someone dumped
some glitter on him..
On the other hand Charlie Swan and Jacob were spot on.
Over all the director tried too hard and lost it all. I strongly
believe someone with more experience should direct a high profile film
like this. This movie doesn't appeal as a Vampire movie or as a
Romantic movie. Its pathetic..
Jury
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
Let's face it, the movie was a total let down. I had low expectations.
Extremely low but the movie disappointed me even then. The amazing love
story we all read in the books was transformed into a whiny preteen
nightmare. There was chemistry between Robert and Kristen, there is no
denying that, but I didn't feel the need that is in the books. They are
supposed to be I-can't-live-without-you, take-me-forever,
I'm-devoted-to-you-always in love (Unless you want to count that one
incident in Eclipse, but let's face it, most of us don't) but all I saw
was a bored vampire and an indifferent girl.
The one thing that made me most angry was the complete disregard for
the meadow scene. It is a VERY important part in the book where they
pretty much declare themselves to each other. This meadow scene lasted
all of 10 seconds and consisted of them staring at each other. They
changed around the timing of the movie so much that it almost made no
sense. Lets face it, the book was a good story but the writing wasn't
up to par. It was pretty much written to be turned into a movie and the
screenwriter obviously didn't realize that.
Sure, Robert was smoking hot (don't lie, you saw the ray bands) but his
performance of Edward was terrible. The first time Bella walked into
the Biology class, I laughed at his expression as did most people in
the theater (some of them were too busy squealing). His badly-covered
up English accent was also laughable.
Jasper was perfect, the person that made me laugh during the movie
because if you looked, not at where the camera was focused, in most
scenes you could see him lurking in the background and I think it fit
his character well. Carlisle was cast to a T as were Esme, Jessica,
Rosalie, Emmett and Alice. They all fit their parts well even if I
imagined Alice a little bouncier, Emmett a little bigger and Rosalie a
bit more bitchy.
Oh, the camera work. I'm not denying it, I liked the flickers between
scenes at times but after a while, it can give you a headache. The
insane closeups did NOT do what they were supposed to (show the
intensity) instead they made me where they were half the time and
realize how much makeup the actors where wearing. Every time there was
a close up on Robert, it was totally obvious he was wearing contacts.
Seriously, look for the line.
The one thing that was actually done really well was the climax with
the ballet studio and James. The fight scene was pretty cool and I
totally believed that James wanted to kill Bella right there. But, with
every up there is a down. After James is killed and They are taking
care of Bella, why couldn't Edward have been more upset? It's written
right in the book that he all but cries when he sees her.
The movie was hyped up to an extreme so it was obvious it would be a
let down, I just didn't know how bad it actually was. I don't get why
they couldn't do little things that would have made it a bit better;
The biology class incident? Bella wearing blue? Why the hell did James
have to bite her arm instead of her hand? Would that have been SO hard
to change? All in all, go see it if you are a Twilight fan but be
weary. If you aren't, stay away because you will not understand a thing
that is going on. As I said in my title, somewhere, Edwards is rolling
over in his hypothetical coffin (yes I know they don't sleep in
coffins, or sleep period for that matter, but that's why it's
hypothetical)
I saw this for free at the Recreational Center on my college campus, and it became the first movie I ever walked out of. As a horror movie fan and a film director, I have never felt so insulted in my life. Since when can vampires survive in daylight. I loved the line "You avoid daylight".... PRETTY MUCH THE WHOLE FILM TOOK PLACE IN BROAD DAYLIGHT!!!! Apparently now they just glow and show their "true form" Really? What's next, werewolves will start drinking liquid silver for breakfast? Frankenstein becomes a fire twirler? Might as well, the rules of movie monsters apparently do not apply anymore. When the main vampire (I didn't care enough to catch his name) said "We consider ourselves vegetarians", that was all I could take. Everyone involved with this film should have stakes shoved through their hearts for conspiring to create this garbage. Anybody who likes vampires should agree with me. If you don't, you are a poser my friend. That is the cold, hard truth.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
The only thing I felt was right about this movie: the actors kind of
resembled what the characters should have looked like.
The only performance I enjoyed was Charlie. I personally always thought
of Charlie as a more rounded person, but I adjusted to a slimmer
version (makes sense seeing as Bella is slim...but then again all
Charlie does is fish, watch T.V. and sit at the police station since
there's no problems in Forks. Makes me feel like he would have a slow
metabolism). I actually believed the words coming out of Charlie's
mouth when he said them.
I expected more out of Kristen (Bella). I figured Rob (Edward) would
ruin the movie, I came prepared for that. What I did not expect was
Steward's inability to complete a sentence (any one else notice how she
started and interrupted her lines with a lot of scoffing and
stuttering? Note the hospital scene: "Wh- what? What...uh what are you
saying? Like- wh- like what are you even saying? I don't- don't...i
don't even know what you're saying" (Neither do we Kristen) ).
And Rob lived up to my extremely low expectations. He tried too hard.
That's an understatement. He tried so hard that I felt the veins in my
forehead about to burst. Every scene between him and Steward is
awkward. Were they going for awkward? Because that's what it was. The
book's charm was truly absent in this movie. Perhaps Meyer's talent and
vision is something no one else can try to reproduce on screen.
Alice was mediocre. She's supposed to be more bubbly. And she would
have never let Bella go to prom in that blue JC Penny dress with the
grandma sweater. And why is Victoria showing up at a high school prom?
She's supposed to be licking her wounds and planning her next attack of
revenge, not watching Edward and Bella dance!
The rest of the vampires didn't get enough screen time for me to really
judge them. Like I said, they looked the part. But so did the leading
roles, until they opened their mouths.
It's a shame that the books that I have come to love were portrayed
like this. I have waited for months, checking Meyer's website daily for
any new clips, interviews...anything! And it came down to me and my not
happy b/f shaking our heads sadly when we should have been in complete
awe.
The only thin worse than this was watching Hayden Chrisensen play an
emotional Anakin...Jedis don't cry, you wuss.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
I've never wanted to walk out of a movie so badly. I think you should give the film a chance to develop fully before forming an opinion. This was certainly not a "film" with any substance. The acting was horrible, the script was horrible, the whole thing was rushed and insubstantial. For being such a predicted box office hit, given the already large fan base, the budget must have been dismal. I think you would need to be no older than 10 to enjoy this film, but the kissing scene in Bella's bedroom was too passionate for a kid's movie (Bella's in her panties!?). In the books it takes them a long time to move forward with their physical relationship. The story was clearly written with teens in mind but still enjoyable for adults. The movie was a cringer.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
Catherine Hardwicke, please put the camera down. You have absolutely no talent and yes, it does bother me that your daughter does get into every movie you direct. This could've been the greatest film of 2008 but your filthy little hands seem to have gotten on my favorite author. First of all, why in the world is Bella as pale as the vampires? I get that she doesn't tan, but she does still have a pulse according to the book. (Maybe you should read it. I mean, it is just based on the written version of Twilight.) I felt as if I had not read the book, I would have no idea what was going on in the movie, which in my opinion, isn't how a movie should present itself. UGH! GET ME A NEW DIRECTOR!!!
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
These really aren't vampires. I mean they're emo boys with 'powder puff
girl' power. Warning, if you aren't a 12 year old girl (My female
students are 15-16 and they never even read the book because they said
it was for children) so if you're not a tweener who has read the book
and loved it, there is no reason for you to spend money to watch this
movie.
Everything that legend has created for the vampire is thrown out the
door. What's new? Or changes? vampires glisten in the sun, they have
long doe-eyed stares, play baseball and only drink the blood of poor
defenseless animals.
Even having said all of this, I wish there had been more atmosphere, a
story that was creepy or haunting, instead the lead characters just
stare at each other. Neither is particularly attractive, and when I
read that a shirtless scene for the male star was pulled because (self
admitted by the way) he didn't look good, well that compounded with the
pasty make-up and sullen behavior makes this kind of a poor man's
Buffy. Oh, and the action (what little there is) is weird, and cheaply
done, in fact all the F/X are lame.
Oh, and the 'bad' vampires come in and then promptly disappear without
becoming a part of the story... like the attempt at the werewolf thing.
I am sure the girly girls that read the book will be happy and that's a
good thing, but the rest of us can go see Bolt and get a chuckle or too
or rent a real vampire movie.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
Let me start out by saying I only read the first book to see what the
hype was about, and that was after being dragged into watching this
movie by my "friends." I slept through most parts, but I stayed awake
for some parts to know the story, and I found myself confused and
frustrated (vampires SPARKLING, Bella's constant bitching on her
"horrible" life, etc). I decided I would read the book to clear things
up. Apparently, now that I look at it, the MOVIE was better than
Stephenie Meyer's excuse for literature.
I'll admit, the baseball scene in the movie was cool, and I thought
James was pretty hot. Not Edward, James. The evil one that tried to do
the world a favor and get rid of Bella Swan. What a corny name for such
an uninteresting girl. I have nothing against the actors (Rob Pattinson
was good in Harry Potter, and Kristen Stewart is also better than she
was in this movie). But I am more against the books than the movie,
mainly because you can only work with what you're given.
I'm sure most of you have read the story, so here are my comments.
Bella Swan is an annoying, lame-ass bitch who cannot stand up for
herself and is never appreciative of anyone but Edward. SMeyer deems
the book is about choice, but Edward comes off as a creepy stalker who
tells her where to go, what to say, who to hang out with, and never
lets her drive her own truck. Bella is probably what the author was
like as a teen, minus 200 pounds, except she herself never had a
boyfriend.
The author makes herself look like an ignorant 13 year old because she
has never read any vampire stories, and I heard about a hissy fit she
had when people found out about her 5th book, and that's she's not
going to continue it. Rob Pattinson even said so himself that he hates
the series and is only in it for the money. Maybe it's not all bad, but
I don't see myself continuing the series, and I won't go along into a
crappy sequel just to keep friends.
Feminism is not put into this book at all, and vampires aren't totally
invincible. Besides being torn and burned, the SHOULD die by sunlight,
a stake through the heart, and garlic. Apparently, in Wannabe
Pseudo-Goth World, a vampire sparkles in the sun, does not sleep, lives
in an open, exposed glass house, is vegetarian if it eats animals, and
knocks up human girls. Yeah, I know they get to sex later in the story.
Apparently, she has to marry him first, then drop out, then nearly die
having a demon child.
Ahh, what a great role model for girls. Kudos Stephenie Meyer. Not only
did you make a fortune publishing your sick sexual fantasies for young
girls to read, but you also drained the IQ of many rabid fans. I am a
feminist, and the girl doesn't always have to be tough, but at least
giver her a personality.
450 pages of pointless romance, 15 pages of meaningless preparation
with his phony vampire family, less than 10 pages of a decent fight,
and 40 pages of prom...I can see why you're as "anti-human" as you
stated, SMeyer. You've killed literature and drained the minds of young
people, and you create fans that hurt people for hating the books.
When will the madness end?
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