Sex Trek: Where No Man Has Cum B4 (2007) (V)

Director:

Cash Markman

Release Date:

2007 (USA)

Genre:

Adult | Comedy | Sci-Fi

Plot:

The Intercourse saves a sleeper ship that was launched in 2006 from being sucked into a black hole. Aboard they find three blond porn stars from the early 21th Century and their connoisseur, Harry Balls. |

Plot Keywords:

Sequel | Sex | Hardcore | Ninth Part | Star Trek Parody

Cast

Katie Morgan	...	Herself
Vicky Vette	...	Yeoman Gland
Sophia	...	Bubbles
Rita Faltoyano	...	Herself (as Rita F.)
Malibu	...	Herself
Randy Spears	...	Capt. James Quirk
Mike Horner	...	Mr. Sperm
Steve Austin	...	Dr. Boner McJoy
Slick Rhodes	...	Squatty
Dick Smothers Jr.	...	Jackoff
Kyle Stone	...	Screwyu
Gabriella Dreams	...	Lt. Uwhora (as Gabriella)
Ron Jeremy	...	Harry Balls

Runtime:

85 min

Country:

USA

Language:

English

Color:

Color

Company:

Platinum Blue Productions

Quotes:

Captain James T. Quirk: Thirteen minutes left - that's just enough time for a sex scene!

Movie Connections:

Spoofs "Star Trek: Where No Man Has Gone Before (#1.3)" (1966)

Five down, 74 episodes more to go

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

This title is an obvious nod to episode 4 (broadcast order) aka episode 2 (production order) aka the second Star Trek pilot, "Where No Man Has Gone Before". However the story of this adult spoof takes the plot from Mudds Women (1.6) and throws in a bit of Space Seed (1.22) and The Deadly Years (2.12) for good measure. A trio of blond porn stars: Devo, Katie and Malibu are found on a 200 year old spaceship and revived from suspended animation. Also aboard is Harcourt Fenton Balls, who of course could only be played by Ron Jeremy. Capt. Quirk (Randy Spears) has sex with Katie before returning to his one true love, the Starship Intercourse. The other two girls go straight to sickbay for (yes, you guessed it) a check up by Boner McJoy (Steve Austin) and proceed to give him a little private show.

Simultaniously, Katie and Harry get a tour of the ship, and the former puts the entire bridge crew under her spell, so Sperm and Quirk (who is quite jealous) quickly get her out of there. Then the entire crew takes out their sexual frustration on Uwhora (Gabriella). However we only actually see her doing it with an unidentified African American Redshirt (the uncredited J.R. Langdon). This is a good thing too, as the actors playing Jerkov, Squatty and Screwyu are all ugly old men. Soon the quartet of two hundred year old space travelers are cooped up in the brig but since all three of the babes have already had sex once on screen (and also because they are 'like sisters' to Harry), Katie transformers herself into Yeoman Gland (Vicky Vette) and transports Mr. Balls and herself to the cheap planet set for intercourse.

By now Mr. Sperm (Mike Horner) has deduced that the women are actually Cocksuckian shape-shifters. This means anyone who has sex with them has his life force drained and begins to age rapidly. He also identifies Harry Balls as Ron Jeremy, who fled Earth in the early 21th century after Republicans took control of the US. They even watch a clip of Jeremy clad in a white spandex outfit from an as yet unidentified movie. Ron and two of the girls make a run for it while Katie seduces Sperm who as always starts babbling about his seven year Horny sex cycle again. Eventually Quirk maroons Balls and his women on the tiny planet set, guaranteeing a sequel which has yet to surface. It's a shame Cash Markman seems to have stopped producing Sex Treks after this, for next in line would be the aptly titled episode 'The Naked Time'.

Instead, after a grand total of 9 Sex Treks, the mantle seems to have passed to the 2009's "This Ain't Star Trek" which presents a straight forward remake of Space Seed instead of a spoof. Also of note is that the 'This Ain't' producers thought including an Orion woman in full green body make-up would be too time consuming, while a rival company brought out a two part 'Star Trix' spoof at virtually the same time that featured Jayden James decked out all in green.

8 out of 10