"Eine Robbe und das große Glück", which means literally translated "A Seal and the Big Happiness", is a German television film from 2007, so this one is moving closer to its 15th anniversary. The director is Imogen Kimmel and she is also one of the three writers here. Looking at her body of work I must say it is a mess. Always really bad to see filmmakers who have been active since the 80s (in her case) and decades later they still have not managed to get beyond garbage movies career-wise. I mean "Ein Sommer in", "Verbotene Liebe" etc. explains it all I guess to everybody who knows a bit about German films. The direction is still not among the film's biggest issues by any means. What is most shocking is that actually three people worked on the screenplay here and still all they can come up with is this garbage script. Makes it clear that all three of them have probably not the slightest bit of talent. One of the three is Christine Kabisch and she also worked on the script for the original movie that came out one year before this one here. I have not yet see ths first film, but I probably will at some point and I genuinely hope it is better than this mess. The one thing these two films have in common is the mention of a seal in the title, so I guess to some extent they were perhaps going for a family movie à la "Babe", but at least in this one we have here, things turned out completely differently. The seal is almost nonexistent here and if it had been left out completely, the film would have been exactly the same. Just as bad. I must say if there was anything I was a bit curious about when it comes to this film it was the animal. And even there, they completely failed. Or didn't even try. There is no plot linked to the seal. It is just there and also not too often. But then again you can see that this is not a film where they put in a lot of money to achieve quality (or at least achieve mediocrity), so no surprise they probably did not want to pay a full time trainer. If you take a look atg the actors here, it is very clear this would never become a good film either. The two leads Cukrowski and Mommsen have so many films in their bodies of work that turned out major disappointments. This one here would obviously not make any difference. The two older actors Engel and Becker, well they had really long careers at that point already, but as for this film here, they had zero impact on the story as well. They marry at the beginning of the film and then we get 2 or 3 scenes when we see how the old man slightly annoys the old woman in their everyday life. But it all stays charming somehow. Oh yeah, there is one scene when a donkey steals some food from them. That was also so uninteresting and as I really adore donkeys, that says it all. No wit or creativoty whatsoever in this movie. But the one actor/actress in here who really really is even way worse than everybody else (and that means quite something) is Deborah Kaufmann. The only thing interesting about her is maybe her name that sounds a bit English. But boy was she bad. Unreal. Henning Baum, who plays her love interest, felt like Al Pacino next to her. And anybody who knows Baum, perhaps from "Der letzte Bulle", knows that he is not exactly a very versatile actor either, just one who makes up for lack of range through physicality you could say. And maybe one who also makes good choices with the projects he stars in or at least the actors he stars next to because it is impossible to look bad next to Kaufmann or Grill in the series I just mentioned.
As for the plot, I will tell you why this sucked. Just a handful references to what I am almost hesitant to call a "story" because it as so poorly written. When the seal is shown on one occasion as it is next to Cukrowski's character are on a boat, it is instead all about her standing there like a goddess (or at least we are supposed to think so) when we see another character spying on her like a creep. He does so on several occasions. And as we find out later, he was her boyfriend in the past at some point and he wants her back. The story is already cringeworthy enough, long before they add money into the scenario or when she shows up for another reason to meet him again. Of course, still the only one she always wanted is Mommsen's character and that is of course 100% clear despite the fake relationship drama with her ex and Mommsen's character never being home because of work etc. By the way, the kids are also completely wasted in this movie. With that I do not mean they are constantly stoned, but they add nothing story-wise. They are just there. So not only the title is a lie, but also the poster, which implies that they play a more crucial role in this movie. Admittedly, the second half of the title is true because eventually they just put in a wedding proposal at the very end. Who cares they had some struggles in their relationship before that and may have had times in which they were happier with each other. But hey, let's just do all the really dumb people in the audience (which is probably not just two or three given the fact taht enough watched this for them to make a sequel) a favor and include another really stupid plot twist that results in a truly happy ending that has zero connection to reality though. By the ay, the music in this movie was also really bad and with this I mostly mean the songs we hear from one female performer. Actually we also see her on several occasions and what she delivered is nothing to be proud of at all. So this is true for basically all aspects of the film. By the way, this is also a film that shows a tendency that I find genuinely worrying. In its attempts to mostly attract female audiences (when their husbands are at work in the afternoon), they elaborate in a truly despicable manner on the male characters in here. One stalks his ex-partner, another does not take proper care of his current partner and the last (the old man) gets in the way of his wife running the household. Disgusted by this especially. I never give less than two stars, but if I did, then I would do so here for sure. A definite contender for worst movie from 2007, not just in terms of German films, but worldwide. The rating is way too high and like I said the title is a blatant lie basically. Want me to finish the review with something positive? Sure thing. They never made a third movie. That's the only thing that comes to mind after this abomination we have here. Highly not recommended and this film would never get a seal of approval from anybody with an IQ over 80. (sorry I just had to :D )
As for the plot, I will tell you why this sucked. Just a handful references to what I am almost hesitant to call a "story" because it as so poorly written. When the seal is shown on one occasion as it is next to Cukrowski's character are on a boat, it is instead all about her standing there like a goddess (or at least we are supposed to think so) when we see another character spying on her like a creep. He does so on several occasions. And as we find out later, he was her boyfriend in the past at some point and he wants her back. The story is already cringeworthy enough, long before they add money into the scenario or when she shows up for another reason to meet him again. Of course, still the only one she always wanted is Mommsen's character and that is of course 100% clear despite the fake relationship drama with her ex and Mommsen's character never being home because of work etc. By the way, the kids are also completely wasted in this movie. With that I do not mean they are constantly stoned, but they add nothing story-wise. They are just there. So not only the title is a lie, but also the poster, which implies that they play a more crucial role in this movie. Admittedly, the second half of the title is true because eventually they just put in a wedding proposal at the very end. Who cares they had some struggles in their relationship before that and may have had times in which they were happier with each other. But hey, let's just do all the really dumb people in the audience (which is probably not just two or three given the fact taht enough watched this for them to make a sequel) a favor and include another really stupid plot twist that results in a truly happy ending that has zero connection to reality though. By the ay, the music in this movie was also really bad and with this I mostly mean the songs we hear from one female performer. Actually we also see her on several occasions and what she delivered is nothing to be proud of at all. So this is true for basically all aspects of the film. By the way, this is also a film that shows a tendency that I find genuinely worrying. In its attempts to mostly attract female audiences (when their husbands are at work in the afternoon), they elaborate in a truly despicable manner on the male characters in here. One stalks his ex-partner, another does not take proper care of his current partner and the last (the old man) gets in the way of his wife running the household. Disgusted by this especially. I never give less than two stars, but if I did, then I would do so here for sure. A definite contender for worst movie from 2007, not just in terms of German films, but worldwide. The rating is way too high and like I said the title is a blatant lie basically. Want me to finish the review with something positive? Sure thing. They never made a third movie. That's the only thing that comes to mind after this abomination we have here. Highly not recommended and this film would never get a seal of approval from anybody with an IQ over 80. (sorry I just had to :D )
