Leslie: Just so we're clear, you understand that me hanging back to practice with you is a pretext for letting you know that I'm sexually available.
Sheldon Cooper: [furious that Leslie wrote on his board] I don't come in to your house and touch your board!
Leslie Winkle: There are no incorrect equations on my board.
Sheldon Cooper: Oh, that is so... so...
Leslie Winkle: I'm sorry, I gotta run. If you come up with an adjective, text me.
Sheldon Cooper: [after Leslie leaves and a brief pause] Inconsiderate. THAT is the adjective! Inconsiderate.
Leonard Hofstadter: Well, what did she mean by that? Or was that just a generic platitude or was that a subtle bid for attention?
Sheldon Cooper: You know why this hamburger surpasses the Big Boy? This is a single-decker hamburger whereas the Big Boy is a double-decker. This has a much more satisfying meat to bun to condiment ratio.
Leonard Hofstadter: Are you even listening to me?
Sheldon Cooper: Of course I'm listening. "Blah blah, hopeless Penny delusion, blah blah."
Leonard Hofstadter: Okay then. You know, you can grow the ingredients for soup.
Penny: So, how's everything?
Sheldon Cooper: Terrific. You'll be happy to know that I plan to come here every Tuesday night for the foreseeable future.
Penny: Really? Oh, yay!
Sheldon Cooper: Who do I speak to about permanently reserving this table?
Penny: Um, I don't know. A psychiatrist?
Leslie: [Penny and Sheldon are listening in to Leonard's room through the door]
Leslie: Oh Leonard, you magnificent beast.
Penny: Hey, Sheldon. What's going on?
Sheldon: I need your opinion on a matter of semiotics.
Penny: I'm sorry?
Sheldon: Semiotics, the study of signs and symbols. It's a branch of philosophy related to linguistics.
Penny: Okay, sweetie, I know you think you're explaining yourself, but you're really not.
Penny: Gee, Sheldon, you're asking the wrong girl. I'm usually on the other side of the tie.
Sheldon Cooper: I like the hamburgers where we usually have hamburgers, you can't make the assumption that I'll like the hamburgers here.
Leonard Hofstadter: I'm sorry. Give him a hamburger.
Penny: Uh, which one, the Classic Burger, the Ranch House Burger, the Barbecue Burger or the Kobe burger?
Sheldon Cooper: Can't we just go to Big Boy? They only have one burger. The Big Boy.
Penny: The Barbecue Burger is like the Big Boy.
Sheldon Cooper: Excuse me, in a world that already includes a Big Boy, why would I settle for something like a Big Boy?
Penny: Because you are not at Big Boy!
Sheldon Cooper: Fine, I'll have the Barbecue Burger.
Raj Koothrappali: [at the Cheesecake Factory] Oh, no.
Howard Wolowitz: What?
Raj Koothrappali: She didn't take my order.
Howard Wolowitz: How can she take your order when you're too neurotic to talk to her?
Howard Wolowitz: Hey, look, it's Dr. Stud.
Leonard Hofstadter: Doctor what?
Howard Wolowitz: The blogosphere is a-buzzing with news of you and Leslie Winkle making
[gibberish noises to imply sexual intercourse]
Leonard Hofstadter: Wha... how did it get on the Internet?
Howard Wolowitz: I put it there.
Leonard Hofstadter: Well, how did you know about it?
Raj Koothrappali: A little bird told us. Apparently you were a magnificent beast.
Penny: I didn't know you played the cello.
Leonard: Yeah, my parents felt that naming me Leonard and putting me in advanced placement classes wasn't getting me beaten up enough.
Leonard: Penny? What about her?
Leslie: Well, I thought I saw your pupils dilate when you looked at her, which, unless you're a heroin addict, points to sexual attraction.
Sheldon Cooper: Do you realize I may have to share a Nobel Prize with your booty call?
Sheldon: [learning Leonard has a girl over] This is very awkward.
Penny: Oh, come on. You know, Leonard's had girls over before, right?
Sheldon: Oh, yes. But there's usually planning, courtship, advance notice. You know, last time I was able to book a cruise to the Arctic to see a solar eclipse.
Penny: Wait, wait. You had to leave the state because your roommate was having sex?
Sheldon: I didn't *have* to, the dates just happened to coincide.
Leonard: Why are you smashing a flash-frozen banana?
Leslie: 'Cause I got a bowl of Cheerios and I couldn't find a knife.
Sheldon Cooper: Alright. I'm moving my infantry division, augmented by a battalion of orcs from Lord of the Rings. We fight the Tennessee Volunteers, and the North once again wins the Battle of Gettysburg.
Howard Wolowitz: Not so fast. Remember the South still has two infantry divisions, plus Superman and Godzilla.
Leonard Hofstadter: No, no, no no. Orcs are magic; Superman is vulnerable to magic. Not to mention, you already lost Godzilla to the Illinois Cavalry and Hulk.
Raj Koothrappali: Why don't you just have Robert E. Lee charge the line with Shiva and Ganesh?
Penny: Hey, you guys ready to order?
Howard Wolowitz: Hang on, honey. Shiva and Ganesh? The Hindu gods against the entire Union army?
Leonard Hofstadter: And orcs!
Penny: I'll be back.
Raj Koothrappali: Excuse me, Ganesh is the remover of obstacles and Shiva's the destroyer. When the smoke clears Abraham Lincoln will be speaking Hindi and drinking mint juleps.
Penny: Alright, my boss says you have to either order or leave and never come back.
Leonard Hofstadter: Leslie and I do research together at the university.
Penny: Oh, wow! A girl scientist.
Leslie Winkle: Yup, come for the breasts, stay for the brains.