Martin Edwards: I always say: If a job's worth doing, it's worth doing...
Ethel Davis: ...well?
Martin Edwards: ...by Martin Edwards!
Ethel Davis: Oh, painting a pretty picture of yourself!
Martin Edwards: Now painting is a subject I do know about.
Ethel Davis: Well isn't it unfortunate we don't need anything painted, thank you so much.
Martin Edwards: You've got to be joking, look at the state of this door. It's urban blight!
Ethel Davis: Oh, you think so? Why don't you get on and do it then?
Martin Edwards: Alright, I will!
Ethel Davis: [rummaging around in the box room] Harry, I've found you my little... Donkey-Waterfall!
Harry Stern: Kim, something terrible's happened...
Kim: Oh, I know, Harry!
Harry Stern: What am I gonna do?
Kim: What am I going to do?
Harry Stern: Well, if I were you, I'd go and tell Ethel.
Kim: Can't tell Ethel, she thinks I canceled it!
Harry Stern: Don't be daft, she's the one that canceled it.
Kim: If she's canceled it, how come the guest are still arriving?
Harry Stern: The guests are still arriving for the wedding?
Kim: The wedding?
Harry Stern: What are you talking about?
Kim: I'm talking about the guests for today. What are you talking about?
Harry Stern: I'm talking about Frederick Crossfield, he's just arrived.
Ethel Davis: What I can't understand is why there's a circus in the yard in the first place!
Harry Stern: Well, you asked for some tumblers...
Ethel Davis: Tumblers to drink out off for the kitchen!
Harry Stern: Well, I sussed that out when they arrived, didn't I?
Ethel Davis: What are you doing?
Harry Stern: Do It Yourself!
Ethel Davis: I can't! I've gotto go and deal with the circus!
Martin Edwards: Do you know that lovely old West Country Proverb: Wither the weather to weather the wither? Oh, wait a minute, or was it... Wether the weather can weather...
Martin Edwards: When the wind is from the west, you must wear a thermal vest.
Frederick Crossfield: I must admit: the lounge isn't bad. Except for the eh, paper tearing...
Ethel Davis: Well, you're just jealous 'cause yours didn't remotely look like a piglet.
Frederick Crossfield: That's not the point.
Frederick Crossfield: The point is the bank has lent you some money. You should have a proper, professional job done.
Ethel Davis: Oh, you wanna see professional? I'll show you my gentlemen in the kitchen.
Frederick Crossfield: Ah. I'll look forward to it. Aha! there just about to watch a cartoon, aren't they?
Ethel Davis: Oh no, that's an industrial training film.
Frederick Crossfield: [going over Ethel's expenses] What's this, you bought 10 cans of paint on account?
Ethel Davis: On account of what?
Frederick Crossfield: Exactly!
[pauses to look at more receipts]
Frederick Crossfield: 17.95 for a tie?
Ethel Davis: Ah yes, I met this really nice bloke, Simon Fielding, and I gave him a tie for Christmas.
Frederick Crossfield: [jealous] That's ridiculous!
Ethel Davis: I can go out with anyone I want!
Frederick Crossfield: Yeah, it's a ridiculous price for a tie. I could've got one much cheaper than that.