[trying to convince Michael to help a medical relief agency]
Sam Axe: Can't hurt to talk to her, Mike.
Michael Westen: Mmm, it could. It could hurt a little. Could hurt a lot.
Sam Axe: Hey, Mike. You remember Virgil?
Virgil Watkins: Mike! I brought us some tall, cool ones.
Michael Westen: I seem to recall you promising to stay out of Miami. Last time I saw you, there were people looking for you. Angry people, with guns.
[Fiona had to cancel a date in order to help Michael]
Fiona Glenanne: I had to tell my date I got food poisoning.
Sam Axe: Come on, Fi. Don't be like that.
Fiona Glenanne: I don't want him dead. Just bruised.
Fiona Glenanne: I bought an assault rifle from him last year. He doesn't know you. Seymour has trust issues.
Michael Westen: I don't want to date him, Fi. I just want to find out what the people who burned me are doing with a Russian sniper rifle.
Michael Westen: What will the neighbors think? They've been living next to a *drug dealer*.
[Michael knocks a guy down at a bad arms deal]
Seymour: Wow! Fiona said you were a badass.
Michael Westen: This is really none of my business.
Seymour: Well, it is now.
[Michael stops a soccer ball with his foot]
Little Boy: Kick it! Kick it!
[Michael kicks it away]
Marcela Flores: Hey, no ball on the sidewalk.
Michael Westen: He started it.
Madeline Westen: A- Aren't you gonna invite me in?
[Michael locks his door]
Michael Westen: Oh, I'm in a hurry, Mom. Goin' to meet Fi.
Madeline Westen: W- B- But I made you this!
[holds up pie]
Michael Westen: You baked a pie?
Madeline Westen: Okay, I just sprinkled cinnamon on it.
Seymour: [holding out a smoothie] You wanna be a badass, you gotta eat healthy.
Fiona Glenanne: Why not go in now?
Sam Axe: Because Mike could get hurt.
Fiona Glenanne: Doesn't sound so bad.
Michael Westen: [voice-over] Dealing with a trained operative is like playing chess with a master. Dealing with criminals, on the other hand, is like playing checkers with a three year-old: they like to change the rules.
Michael Westen: [voice-over] Need the police to respond right away? Call ahead. If you've reported a few minor crimes within a six block radius, you can be sure someone will show up when you need them.
Michael Westen: [voice-over] Counterfeiting pharmaceuticals is pretty straight forward; fill some vials with your choice of beverage. The trick is to keep people from looking closer; with some compressed gas from your local farming supply store, and a few cryogenic containers, you can convince people if they get a little too curious they could loose a finger frostbite.
Fiona Glenanne: Keeping Virgil away from your mom, that's just about keeping her from danger?
Michael Westen: What else would it be?
Fiona Glenanne: Well, they did have a connection, Michael. A romantic connection, an intimate, steamy connection. I'm just saying, when an important woman in your life meets someone it can be an adjustment.
Michael Westen: Is this about your date? Because I'm fine with it.
Fiona Glenanne: [laughs] I don't think so, Michael. Not one question about who he is? You're not the least bit interested?
Michael Westen: No, not interested.
Fiona Glenanne: I thought spies were meant to be good liars. You are getting rusty.
Sam Axe: [on the phone] Uh, listen, Virgil needs to ask you just a little favor.
Virgil Watkins: [takes the phone] Listen, I didn't pack enough underwear, so I borrowed a set o' your boxers - the blue ones with the stripes.
Michael Westen: They will never fit you; stay out of my closets.
Virgil Watkins: They're a little snug down under, but I got all packed in. 'Preciate it.
Sam Axe: Mike, be glad you didn't have to see that.
Seymour: Fiona, keep Jackass company. It shouldn't be too hard. He's attracted to shiny objects.