Unhappily Ever After (TV Series)

The Descent of Man (1995)

Nikki Cox: Tiffany Malloy

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jennie Malloy : [Jack has snuck a drumstick off Tiffany's plate while her head was turned as she was talking on her cellphone]  I can not believe you would take food out of your own children's mouths.

  Jack Malloy : She's anorexic. She's already ate her lima bean.

  Tiffany Malloy : [softly]  Oh God.

  [then, insistent:] 

  Tiffany Malloy : Daddy, I will not have you spreading ugly rumours about me being anorexic. Anorexics don't eat. Besides, if I was going to be anything, I would be bulimic.

• Tiffany Malloy : If I needed to lose weight I'd just go on a Grandma-diet.

  [grandmother is lying face-down at dinner table] 

  Tiffany Malloy : Just be unconscious during meals.

  Maureen Slattery : [coming to]  You could never be too high or too thin.

  [slumps down again] 

  Tiffany Malloy : [not paying any attention to grandmother]  Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm helping Amber with her task.

  [on cellphone] 

  Tiffany Malloy : Uhm... A blue plus at the bottom means your guidance counselor didn't really have a vasectomy.

• Jennie Malloy : And now it's up to my little girl to carry the torch of emasculation. What are you gonna make your man do, honey?

  Tiffany Malloy : Oh, everything. And I'm not gonna let love get in the way. I am a fine bottle of wine. Only he who can afford me, gets to sniff the cork.

  Maureen Slattery : [drunkenly]  Yes, sweetheart. But once the bottle is open, everyone at the table gets a taste. At least at the parties where I was hostess.

  Jennie Malloy : [suddenly concerned, softer tone]  But you know, honey, I'm afraid that maybe we've given you the wrong impression. Now, once you are physically and emotionally ready, sex can be a beautiful experience. There's really nothing else in the world like it.

  [gloomily:] 

  Jennie Malloy : I hear.

  Tiffany Malloy : I don't know, I think I prefer the velvety touch of pearls around my neck. The snug fit of a 4 ct. diamond ring around my finger.

  [sits back on the arm rest of the chair, lifting up a long, smooth, bare leg which she rubs fondly] 

  Tiffany Malloy : Smooth touch of silk stockings caressing my legs. The contours of the leather seats of my Rolls-Royce firm against my taut young bottom. My hand resting on my bulging investment portfolio.

  [getting very excited:] 

  Tiffany Malloy : Oh, stocks, diamonds and pork bellies, oh my...

  [makes pleasurable sounds] 

  Tiffany Malloy : I think I'm gonna take a bath now...!

  [runs off, smoothing her hot pink mini-dress behind her] 

  Jennie Malloy : Now that girl has her head on straight.

  Maureen Slattery : That little witch may be on to something.

• [first lines] 

  Tiffany Malloy : [on phone to Amber]  Uh-huh, uh-huh. No, the dogs aren't fighting, that's just my Dad and brothers eating dinner.