Planet Terror (2007)
Cherry Darling: I was going to be a stand-up comedian.
J.T. Hague: Hey, hey. You want some barbeque? Best in Texas.
Cherry Darling: Oh, no thanks.
J.T. Hague: What's the matter? You don't eat meat?
Cherry Darling: Oh, I eat meat. I also eat lots of shit.
Cherry Darling: See that?
J.T. Hague: What's that?
Cherry Darling: Shit-eating grin.
J.T. Hague: [laughs] You ought to be a comedian.
Cherry Darling: What do you think of the leg?
J.T. Hague: [laughs] Sure is funny.
Sheriff Hague: Where the hell are you going?
El Wray: I'm going to get Cherry.
Sheriff Hague: Fine, but we're taking my car.
[his car explodes]
Sheriff Hague: [looking back at Wray] I'm riding with you.
Sheriff Hague: Try not to shoot yourselves. Don't shoot each other. But especially... don't shoot me.
El Wray: Did you find what was in the pocket?
Cherry Darling: Fuck no.
El Wray: Look for it.
[Cherry searches through one pocket]
El Wray: No, the other one.
[Cherry searches through the other pocket and takes out a box with a ring inside it]
El Wray: I was gonna give it to you, but you left me. 'Cuz you took the jacket...
Cherry Darling: [saying it at the same time as El Wray] ... and I looked for it for two weeks.
El Wray: Read it.
Cherry Darling: Two against the world.
El Wray: Remember that?
Cherry Darling: I never forgot it.
El Wray: That's my jacket. I looked for it for two weeks.
Earl McGraw: God, dammit! Ramona, you've been fartin' like a goddamned pack mule.
Babysitter Twin #1: Conio chica, you said 10 pm! We can't be watching your kid all goddamn night!
Babysitter Twin #2: That's right!
Babysitter Twin #1: Your friend never showed up, and we've got shit to do!
Dr. Dakota Block: Then start doing it!
[pushes both twins out the front door]
Sheriff Hague: I was thinking, we could build a new place right there where the old one was. You cook, I work the back.
J.T. Hague: You don't make that rent so God-Damn high.
Sheriff Hague: We share the recipe, we share the rent.
J.T. Hague: Start at 250 degrees.
Sheriff Hague: [Pulls a note pad and pen out] I knew it. For how long?
J.T. Hague: 12 pounds?
Sheriff Hague: Sure.
J.T. Hague: 12 pounds, 12 hours.
Sheriff Hague: Wrapped in tin foil, right?
J.T. Hague: I don't use no goddamn foil.
Sheriff Hague: Damn. Tomatoes? Fresh?
J.T. Hague: Canned.
Sheriff Hague: No Shit?
J.T. Hague: Yeah.
Sheriff Hague: You score me some?
J.T. Hague: Oh Yeah, cause we're brothers.
Sheriff Hague: Thank you for this.
J.T. Hague: You just remember, you got to take this recipe to your grave.
Sheriff Hague: I think I can... goddamn guarantee that.
J.T. Hague: Heh heh heh heh heh heh!
[Blows up the quarantine chamber]
Sheriff Hague: You cook that meat at 250 degrees don't you?
J.T. Hague: I don't remember. I set the heat with my hands.
Sheriff Hague: You give me that recipe or I'll raise your rent higher than a Georgia pine.
J.T. Hague: Brother, ain't no Texan's ever gonna give you his BBQ recipe, that's a fact! He'll take it to his grave! I could be bleedin' like a stuck pig and I ain't gonna tell ya! I could be dyin' in your arms and I ain't gonna tell ya!
[hangs up phone]
J.T. Hague: Heh heh heh!
Sheriff Hague: [to himself] We'll see about that.
Abby: You killed Bin Laden?
Lt. Muldoon: I put two in his heart, one in his computer.
El Wray: So that was you.
Tony Block: [while playing with toys] I'm gonna eat your brains and gain your knowledge.
J.T. Hague: You're the second person to show up tonight.
El Wray: Who's the first?
J.T. Hague: [nods to Cherry] Right there. Must be passin' through. Seems only strangers eat here.
El Wray: [picking up his coffee] I still eat here, J.T.
J.T. Hague: Oh, yeah, you sure do. By the way, don't choke on all that food you're eatin'.
Dr. Dakota Block: Goodbye, Bill.
Dr. William Block: Don't you mean "see you later"?
Dr. Dakota Block: Of course.
Babysitter Twin #1: [to Dakota] Where do you think you're going, you fucking bitch?
Earl McGraw: You don't smoke, do you, Wray?
El Wray: Nope.
Earl McGraw: That's... probably good.
[El Wray immediately lights up a cigarette after Earl leaves]
Lt. Muldoon: [Abby's laying on the ground, surrounded by the testicles he's taken as prizes] Looks like I've got you by the balls...
El Wray: So what are you going to do now?
Cherry Darling: I'm going to be a stand-up comedian.
El Wray: You're not funny.
Cherry Darling: That's what I keep trying to tell everybody but they all say I'm hilarious.
El Wray: But you're not.
Cherry Darling: There's a difference between being frank... and being dick.
The Rapist: I've seen me a lot of weird shit in my day, but I ain't never seen a one-legged stripper. I seen me a stripper with one breast. And I seen me a stripper with twelve toes. I've even seen me a stripper with no brains at all, but I ain't never seen a one-legged stripper. And I've been to Morocco.
Cherry Darling: Name's Cherry Darling...
El Wray: Sounds like a stripper name.
Cherry Darling: No, it sounds like a go-go dancer name. There's a difference.
El Wray: I like the way you say 'fuck'.
Cherry Darling: Good. Fuck you.
El Wray: Get up. We're leaving.
Cherry Darling: I can't walk.
El Wray: So what? Get up!
Cherry Darling: Motherfucker! Look at me!
[removes blanket to reveal her missing leg]
Cherry Darling: Look at me! I was gonna be a stand-up comedian! Who's gonna laugh now?
El Wray: Some of the best jokes are about cripples. Let's go.
Cherry Darling: It's not funny. I'm pathetic.
El Wray: Would you stop crying over fucking spilt milk?
Cherry Darling: I have no leg!
[looking frustrated, El Wray rips off a wooden table leg and shoves it in Cherry's stump]
El Wray: Now you do. What do you think?
Cherry Darling: You could carry me, Wray.
El Wray: You never wanted that before. Why start now?
Cherry Darling: [her wooden leg is stuck in the truck door] My leg's stuck. Pull over.
El Wray: It's just wood.
Cherry Darling: It's splintering!
El Wray: Would you just leave it alone?
Cherry Darling: Why do you have to be so mean?
El Wray: Just, just do me a favor, alright? Stay strong.
Cherry Darling: Stay?
El Wray: Yeah, baby. Stay.
El Wray: [dying] Go. Leave me.
Cherry Darling: I am not leaving you here like this. Motherfuckers around here eat road kill.
[El Wray laughs]
Cherry Darling: See? I'm funny. I made you laugh.
El Wray: Go to the ocean. Put your backs to it and protect yourselves there.
Cherry Darling: I'm not leaving you, Wray. Two against the world.
El Wray: It will be. I promise.
[touches her stomach]
El Wray: I never miss.
Cherry Darling: I broke my leg.
El Wray: That's okay,
[pulls her broken wooden leg off]
El Wray: I made you something.
[installs the Machine Gun leg]
El Wray: I DO believe in you, always have. I believe you could be better. You deserve better, even better than me. Right now, I need you to become who you were meant to be. Stand!
Dr. Dakota Block: Hi, Joe. I'm going to give you a very strong anesthetic, so you won't feel anything during the procedure. These...
[pats the needles in her shirt pocket]
Dr. Dakota Block: ...are my friends. My yellow friend is to take the sting off.
[injects Joe in the arm with the yellow needle]
Dr. Dakota Block: My blue friend you'll barely feel.
[injects Joe in the arm with the blue needle]
Dr. Dakota Block: That means my yellow friend is already taking effect. See how fast my friends work?
[injects Joe in the arm with the red needle]
Dr. Dakota Block: And after my red-headed friend, you'll never see me again.
[Joe slobbers over himself and passes out]
Cherry Darling: [astonished that Dakota has shot The Rapist with a syringe] Where'd you learn to do THAT?
Dr. Dakota Block: Useless Talent #37.
[Wray and Deputy Tolo drag a wounded and bleeding from the neck Sheriff Hague from the outside]
Sheriff Hague: I figured that one of my new deputies might end up shooting me... but not you, Tolo!
El Wray: I need someone to drive my truck.
Sheriff Hague: I'll do it.
El Wray: You're bleeding like a stuck pig. Your vision is probably blurred, and you're on your last leg...
Sheriff Hague: [sarcastic] Anything else?
El Wray: Don't wreck it.
J.T. Hague: Grab the slaw! Can't have a barbeque without the slaw!
Babysitter Twin #1: We need guns!
[J.T. hands both babysitter twins large, pump-action, shotguns]
Babysitter Twin #2: Fucking cool!
The Rapist: [muffled under the mask] Do you like Ava Gardner?
Cherry Darling: Sorry?
The Rapist: [removes his mask] Ava Gardner, do you like her?
Cherry Darling: Yeah, I guess...
The Rapist: I was just thinking that you, uh, kinda look like Ava Gardner a little bit.
[pulls out his pistol]
The Rapist: You know what this is?
Cherry Darling: A gun...
The Rapist: It's simplicity itself: you see, you point it at what you wanta die, and you pull the little trigger here, and a little bullet comes outta here, and the little bullet hits you
[taps her between the eyes]
The Rapist: right there! And you know what? You don't look like Ava Gardner no more.
Dr. Dakota Block: Tony, if anyone comes up to the car, I want you to shoot them. Just like in your video games: shoot them in the head.
Tony Block: What if it's dad?
Dr. Dakota Block: Especially if it's your dad!
Tony Block: [puts a hand to his mouth and holds up a tooth] Hey mom, another tooth fell out!
[Dakota stares at Tony]
Tony Block: Your tooth fell out too...
[Dakota examines her smile in the rear view and sees she has a chipped tooth]
Tony Block: ...we're toothless buddies.
Dr. Dakota Block: We sure are, sweetie...
Cherry Darling: You're a doctor?
Dr. Dakota Block: Hmm. I was earlier tonight.
Cherry Darling: I always wanted to be a doctor, instead, I can do this.
[Cherry arches her body up in a bridge position]
Cherry Darling: Useless talent number 66. I'm very pliable.
Dr. Dakota Block: You know, my girlfriend had a theory. She said at some point in your life, you find a use for every useless talent you ever had. It's like connecting the dots.
Cherry Darling: I'm not that optimistic. I feel like I'm sinking down a drain and I can't get out.
Dr. Dakota Block: She'd say, "when you're stuck in that spiral, you reach up".
Cherry Darling: What if there's nothing up there?
Dr. Dakota Block: Just reach up.
Cherry Darling: [after seeing Abby get his head blown off] I don't suppose anyone else here is a bio-chemical engineer?
El Wray: [no one replies] I'll take that as a "no."
Earl McGraw: [after shooting Doc Block] Never did like that son of a bitch. About as useless as a pecker on a pope.
Cherry Darling: Look, you were being an unbelievable dick. I was walking out on you. I was cold, I took your fucking jacket. So, if you're go on one of your psycho, obsessive, controlling rants about a fucking jacket, then fucking take it 'cause I'd rather fucking freeze than fucking hear about it one more time!
The Rapist: You're a dancer?
Cherry Darling: I was earlier tonight.
The Rapist: [grabs Cherry by her hair] Well, I'm pulling you out of retirement!
[watching Cherry and Dakota on a TV monitor]
The Rapist: I'm gettin' my dick wet.
Rapist #2: She's only got one leg.
The Rapist: Easier access.
Rapist #2: Oh... that is a good point.
Sheriff Hague: Now you've got a gal in your wrecked truck with a missing leg? A missing leg that's now missing?
Skip: Real pretty tonight, Holly.
[two girls are kissing]
Skip: Goddammit, girls - if you're gonna do that shit, do it onstage!
Skip: Smokin' hot. Whew!
Cherry Darling: It's beautiful. *She's* beautiful. I wish you could see us, us two. It's like you said it would be. Two against the world, baby. Two against the world.
[Dr. Block joins Dr. Felix as they look on at several infected people in the hospital ER... all of them slowly turning into 'Sickos']
Dr. Felix: Viral infections. They came pouring in. Some are rapidly developing coliform leisions... highly contagious. What do you think?
Dr. William Block: Self preservation comes to mind.
The Rapist: [after Cherry breaks her leg in his eye] I bet you thought that was pretty funny? You gave me some wood, now I'm gonna give you...
[pulls down pants]
The Rapist: ...some fucking wood!
[Cherry, Dakota, and even the second rapist look with shock and disgust as the rapist's genetilia begins melting off!]
Rapist #2: Gas! You need gas! Put your mask back on!
The Rapist: No, no, fuck the gas. I'm just gonna have to make this quick!
Romy: [nervous tone] Uh... hi Abby. How's it going?
Abby: [notices an empty cage nearby with bent-out bars] I see you've run into a spot of trouble while I was away. You mind telling me what happened?
Romy: [continues to stammer] Uh... I don't know. They just... escaped.
Abby: All three?
Romy: Uh... yeah. I... don't know how they did it. I just went left for a little while and when I came back... it... well...
Abby: I'm sorry, Romy. I just don't trust you anymore. You are the most incompetent employee I've ever employed. You know the penalty for failure. You enforce the rules yourself.
Romy: [more nervous] All right... Abby you win. I'm out. I'm finished. You'll never see me again. I'll get my things and get out of here.
Abby: Not so fast!
[one of Abby's men brings over a large jug of formaldehyde with various circle-shaped objects in it]
Abby: I also want your balls for my collection!
[Abby tosses Romy a large knife; Romy hesitates]
Abby: It would be easier if you do it yourself. Just drop your pants, chop them off, and give them to me. Then... I might consider letting you live.
Romy: [on the verge of tears] Uh... Abby... I'm really attached to them.
Abby: [sarcastic] Oh, sweetheart I was really attached to my specimens. And now, thanks to you and your incompetence, they're out there in the night doing God knows what.