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(TV Series)

(1997)

Quotes

Deidre: How can we promote this place as a Monaco-style tax haven when we have government ministers driving around in crapped-out Allegros?

Winston: Deidre, I am Head of State: a man of consequence, dignity and a seven handicap. I do not deal with motoring or littering offences.

Deidre: So who does then?

Winston: Try the Minister of Justice.

Deidre: It's her damn car.

Winston: Then try the new chief of police.

Deidre: Well, Johnny says he's a communist and he doesn't believe in property.

Winston: Deidre, why don't you form a vigilante group and anyone you don't like you can hang from the lamppost.

Deidre: You might have a very good idea there, Winston. Thank you very much.

Winston: [sighs] Never use irony on a fascist.

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Malcolm: I've had enough. I've absolutely had enough. See, it was the boys who took your car after all; I was right all along. But I can't run this town properly if I'm going to have you lily-livered, wishy-washy liberals interfering all the time. So, I'm tendering my resignation.

Winston: Accepted.

Malcolm: Now, I know you want me to stay.

Laura: No, we don't.

Malcolm: But my mind is made - What?

Julie: Your resignation has been accepted.

Malcolm: Why? What's wrong with me?

Laura: We've already replaced you.

P.C. Bill: Hello, Malcolm.

Malcolm: But he's a policeman.

Laura: Yes, we thought that was a reasonable qualification for the job of policeman.

Malcolm: Oh, I see.

Julie: You were very good, Malcolm, but maybe teaching is your true vocation.

Malcolm: Hmm, yes. Well, maybe you're right. Probably does need some sort of jack-booted fascist git to run things properly. Welcome back, Bill. Evening, all.

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[first lines]

Johnny: Good morning, Flatby! This is your DJ and estate agent, Johnny 'Wildman' Pearce, on Radio Free Flatby, seven eight four six FM inviting you to a free tour of our independent state where the property prices are a real steal for those who get in quick.

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[last lines]

Laura: Rule Britannia, Mr. Ambassador. Oh, cheer up!

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Johnny: If we want to attract the rich investors we've got to have a stable society, which means if anyone steps out of line they must realize they're going to feel the firm but fair fist of the law smashing their teeth in.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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