Ghouls

Gary Jones' directorial debut, 1995's MOSQUITO, is a perfect example of an entertaining, purposely cheesy genre film. You want wacky? It features the titular insects dining on alien corpses, growing to obscene sizes and then attacking a humdrum forest community. Much blood is splattered, Gunnar Hansen robs a bank and now, DVD copies run over 100 bucks on eBay. Now, lucky 13 years later, Jones (who also directed The Asylum's enjoyably inane JOLLY ROGER: MASSACRE AT CUTTER'S COVE) has teamed up with no less than three scriptwriters for his first foray into the realm of Sci Fi Channel cinema. One could only assume that given his talent for goofy horror, GHOULS would end up a fun supernatural romp.

But we all know what happens when we assume, and GHOULS sadly makes an ass out of you, me and anyone else foolish enough to watch this terrible mess.

When college cutie Jen (Kristen Renton) finds out that her estranged Romanian grandmother recently passed away, it's the perfect excuse for her and her father (GHOSTBUSTERS' William Atherton) to visit the old country. What she doesn't know is that a cult of "Ancients" have actually sacrificed her granny to a foursome of poorly animated CGI ghouls, using the power of jazz hands. Soon, oblivious little Jen is meeting her sleazy uncle Vlad (Dan Bararau), second-guessing her dad's seemingly sweet girlfriend (Erin Grey) and catching the eye of the local Druid ghoul hunter (CABIN FEVER's James DeBello). Yes, in a groan-inducing twist, her uncle is indeed named Vlad, and her new boy-toy uses grenades and shotguns to fight ghosts.

The creatures, which defy all dictionary definitions of actual ghouls, are a mixture of atrocious digital work and actors traipsing around in bargain-bin Halloween costumes. A number of gratuitous close-ups, in which they shamelessly mug for the camera, showcase solid special makeup work, but it's simply not enough to save the film. Even the gore, which doesn't really get gushing until the one-hour mark, is cut together so quickly that we never really feel like we're seeing anything too nasty. Aside from some gut-munching, silly blood sprays and a few gouges, we're not catching much.

As Jen wanders around the emptiest town in all of Eastern Europe, one gets the impression that there is something other than its citizens that's amiss. Side plots abound, although none of them seem to really pay off. Our heroine almost discovers a creepy crate hidden under her bed, but never opens it. Dad's girlfriend loves giving tarot-card readings (improperly), but never actually uses them for anything. Even the early loss of monster hunter Thomas' father offers nothing but an extremely drawn-out filler sequence in which the two prove how bad they truly are at ghoulbusting.

A few minor twists precede GHOULS' final act, but they unfortunately fail to take the film in a new direction—and certainly don't hit their intended marks. Atherton, who sadly looks quite haggard, is sorely underused and doesn't offer us a memorable character, instead stirring up memories of far better roles he's taken (DIE HARD, anyone?). The same can unfortunately not be said for DeBello's Thomas, who is so lacking in personality that it took nearly 40 minutes of screen time for this reviewer to even notice he was playing the role. Only the women, both with significant TV credits under their belts, shine through this mess. Regrettably, neither Renton and Grey (of DAYS OF OUR LIVES and SILVER SPOONS, respectively) can rise above the quality of the production, with even the talented young lead falling victim to the absolute hilarity of the film's outrageous finale. The Sci Fi Channel's 2008 roster has been across the board, offering up the dreadful-but-fun HEATSTROKE, the surprisingly decent COPPERHEAD and the only moderately entertaining duo of ROCK MONSTER and AZTEC REX. GHOULS, however, has set new standards in how poor its films can get. Unless you've got friends who truly love tepid horror and an extra case of beer lying around, GHOULS is, sadly, a must-miss. Better luck next time, Sci Fi. You know I'll be back for more.

A young woman travels with her dad to visit her grandma in eastern Europe,only to be confronted by evil supernatural creatures. These so-called ghouls act more like vampires, but it doesn't really matter as the movie is badly written and directed and clearly was shot on the cheap in -- where else? -- Romania. The special effects are right out of a Commodore 64, as well. Kristen Renton as the nubile daughter is easy on the eyes if no great shakes as an actress. Award-winning actor William Atheron, of all people, is on board as her dad and is clearly slumming here. I suppose an all-expenses paid trip to Romania and all the pierogies one can eat must be worth something, even to an actor of Atherton's caliber. Typical SyFy Channel schlock. Not even a good time killer.

Stefan (William Atherton) invites his daughter Jennifer (Kristen Renton) to travel to Romania for the funeral of his mother. His mystic girlfriend Liz (Erin Gray) travels with them to the cursed village of Pelosoara, where they are welcomed by Stefan's brother Vladimir (Dan Badarau), and sooner Jennifer finds the locals very weird people. Jennifer learns that she is the only woman from the bloodline of her father and in the funeral a stranger approaches to Jennifer and asks her to meet him in the square in one hour. When Jennifer arrives in the spot, she sees a creature devouring the man and is saved by Thomas (James DeBello). The man tells her that he is the last druid on Earth protecting the world against the evil ancients that were defeated by the druids in the past and banished to the spiritual world. In that night, there would have a reclamation ceremony where the evil queen possesses a vessel to open a vortex between the spiritual and the real world to bring the ancients back to Earth, but he has a dagger to kill the vessel and save the world. Sooner Jennifer discovers that she is the intended vessel and her father is part of the conspiracy.

"Ghouls" is a mediocre and lame film, with poor screenplay, direction, acting and special effects. This terrible movie is a waste of time and I do not intend to lose more time writing about it. There are only three favorable reviews and eleven that have also hated this flick. My vote is three.

Title (Brazil): "Almas Perversas" ("Wicked Souls")

This is one of those rare horror films that I find absolutely no enjoyment in whatsoever. I say rare because I am a huge horror fan, and even really bad horror films almost always hold my attention. I have spent many a Saturday just soaking in the glorious cinema the Syfy channel has to offer. The average movie-watcher's terrible horror film usually equates to a decent watch from my perspective. And more often than not, even the ones that are truly atrocious have moderate to exceptional comedic value. I'm afraid such cannot be said for 'Ghouls'.

It's biggest and most obvious flaw is the terrible plot. We know there are ghouls who are trying to reclaim something or another, and in doing so cross the plane from the spiritual world into the physical world. Beyond that, I'm not really quite sure what was taking place, or why. Speaking of that, I'm also a little confused as to what exactly was left to be accomplished for these ghouls as far as crossing over into the physical world, seeing as they actually feed on people's flesh, and can (somehow) be mortally wounded by gunshots and grenade blasts. Can't really get much more physical than that.

James DeBello is not a bad actor. No, he's really not. This was just not a role meant for him I guess. He was great in 'Detroit Rock City' as a goof ball stoner. He was even good in 'Cabin Fever', because even though that was a serious role, the film had its comedic elements, and his character was a huge part of that. He was just flat here. No emotional range at all. It was pretty rough to watch actually. Except that part on the horse and carriage where he grunted a lot. That was really funny.

The ghouls themselves were actually kind of cool to look at. That's about all that can be said for the film as far as positives. It is evident they had SOME budget to work with. The ghouls themselves weren't a total embarrassment. Effects otherwise were well above Syfy original-type standards. Other than that, this was pretty god awful boring. I see no reason to recommend anyone watch this film. Often even really bad films offer something. This offers nothing. Just a really dreadful film that you probably won't even make it all the way through before giving up and turning it off. (My ESPN the magazine on the coffee table eventually drew me away.)

Next time you're in the mood for some horror involving druids, human sacrifice and worship of Satanic beings, do some reading on George Bush and friends and Bohemian Grove. It's really much more interesting.

In the 21st century with all the technology we have, we made this piece of s..t called movie...Worst visual effect ever and a idiot story... I don't recommend this movie for anyone!!!! My personal opinion is that this movie had a verrrrrrryyyyy limited budget, about 1000 dollars... You don't see not even a punch when they fight... I think they are fighting with the "FORCE IN THEM". They show you the punch and you drop down dead as hit by a lighting... Awful MOVIE!!!! In the year of 2008 this movie is a shame for the cinema and for the actors that played in it... If they will play in another movie, they have been blessed with a second chance... AWFUL MOVIE!!!