Don't you just that hate that old Hollywood cliché of having the writer of a famous book as a character being told the story by the main protagonist before deciding to turn it into a bestseller? Well, in this Private Gold production loosely inspired by Daniel Defoe's 1719 novel 'Robinson Crusoe' a certain Lord Foe (Donald Ferrey) is presented with a diary to read and perhaps turn into a novel in London, 1705. The rest of the film is narrated by Crusoe (George Uhl) using his own Czech accent with the occasional shot of Lord Foe eagerly reading that diary just to remind people we are watching a flashback.
One evil night in August an assassin was send to kill Crusoe for reasons that remain undisclosed. The heroic Robinson managed to kill the man in self defense but, still fearing for his life, decided to flee to New York city. His faithful friend Henry (Phillip Dean) booked him passage on a merchant line, which unfortunately sank off the coast of Brazil during a terrible storm. Since they didn't have the resources to film this part of the story, some more shots of dotty old Lord Foe bent over the diary come in handy here. A lone survivor on a deserted island, the wounded Crusoe is left with just one crate carrying convenient items such as a telescope, candles, a gun, ink and a book. For the next couple of years he seems to do no more than sleep and dream of better days gone by visiting brothels with Henry. But each of his dreams turns into a nightmare as he recalls the death of his assailant time after time, (from every possible angle). This wouldn't be so bad if there was the possibility of a pay-off to this dilemma at the end, but unfortunately there isn't.
Crusoe keeps referring to his diary as his only faithful friend. The fact that his little pot of ink never seems to run out is never addressed. Apparently he took the time to write down all his sexual fantasies in great detail (well, what else could he do on that boring island). The way he manages to survive on his own for 6 years is hardly touched upon. He mentions settling down in a cave after ten days and finds a machete after 6 years, but other than that it's more Backo De Flasho's to his depraved and wonderful life. No wonder that dirty little old Foe is on the edge of his seat. After 8 years some laid back pirates arrive and at least half of their number seem to be female. They also have a Nubian slave girl (Yokasta) whom they tie to a tree so they can have a foursome amongst themselves. The girl escapes and bumps into Crusoe, who gives her a banana (the fruity kind). He takes his time in seducing her, waiting until Sunday to take her doggy-style and afterward decides to call her after that day of the week. Strangely, he never even notices that there are pirates on his island or wonders where Sunday came from.
Pirate Captain Bonnet (Horst Baron), however has got several eggs to fry: first off all he wants to find Captain Sven's treasure. Secondly he has kidnapped rich Angelica (Jennifer Stone) and her foppish boyfriend Chavellir (Francesco Malcom) to force a hefty ransom from her father's purse. Lastly he wants to catch the Nubian girl again to sell her on the slave market. But, like the rest of his crew, he is in no great hurry and can afford to wait another night and day (giving Cavellir the change to try and blackmail some of the lesser ranking pirates). The next day, after a lot more sex, the pirates find the treasure with minimal effort and immediately begin double crossing each other. Strangely, Bonnet's treasure map identifies the island as 'Blood Island', not 'Sin'. Crusoe and Sunday, watching from a safe distance, never even lift a finger as the pirates stab and shoot each other in the back all the time (what was the point of Robbinson finding that gun and machete?).
Crusoe steals the pirates rowboat and makes off with Sunday and Angelica. He quickly explains how a Spanish galleon picked them up and they eventually reached Henry's castle back home. Angelica's dad gives him a 500.000 pound reward, Angelica gives herself to him and he promptly forgets about those nasty memories and nightmares (Sunday disappears as well). Apparently after 8 years the man who ordered him killed is no longer interested in Crusoe either so he doesn't need to travel to the States anymore and can pick up his life of debauchery with Henry and loose women from where he left off. And naturally Lord Foe promises to publish his memoirs as a novel, though it will take him a couple of years.
This is one of those porno's that is geared towards men and women (as long as they are in to this sort of stuff). There is hard core sex for him and pretty costumes and scenery for her. Filmed on location in Puerto Rico, the Grenadine Islands and the Dominican Republic (as well as the more standard Budapest, Prague and London) the entire picture looks scrumptious. And as for the costumes, apart from Yokasta no one ever seems to completely take them off. The female performers do have the tendency to look in the camera a bit too often and director Allessandro del Mar likes to linger a bit too long at the end of each sex romp. It would have been nice if Robinson hadn't been such a lazy character who never did anything for himself though.
7 out of 10
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