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(TV Series)

(1997)

Quotes

Simon: They'll take us to court to get their power back on again.

Gareth: Which is just what we want.

Simon: But we've been through this. If we go to court, they might get legal recognition for their independence. What's different this time?

Gareth: This time the minister has preempted possible adverse complications by engaging in lengthy discourse with certain provincial legal representatives.

Simon: You've bribed the judge.

Gareth: We do not bribe. We merely conjoin in smoke-filled rooms where we float subtly suggested inferences related to life, the universe, and their future career prospects.

Simon: Who is the poor sod?

Gareth: Justice Derek Dimkins, who I gather is about as trustworthy as a ferret in your Y-fronts; so I want you to pop down there and make sure he doesn't wander off the path of righteousness.

Simon: I can't interfere with the course of justice.

Gareth: Not interference, Simon. Informed guidance.

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Simon: So am I allowed to take you out to dinner now?

Laura: All right. But I never go all the way on a first date.

Simon: Me neither. No-one would ever let me.

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[last lines]

Laura: Cheers, Simon.

Simon: Cheers, Laura.

Laura: Boy, you smell like a dead sheep.

Simon: I'm lucky that way.

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[first lines]

[the crowd is singing "We Shall Not Be Moved"]

Lucy Trent: Tonight, the lights have gone out in Flatby. They have no electrical power, but as you can see by the crowd behind me they still have people power, and a very live current of optimism to keep the light of independence shining. Lucy Trent, News at 10, Flatby.

[pause]

Lucy Trent: Am I clear?

[Lucy swings round, hitting the Tramp with a roundhouse]

Tramp: Wough.

Lucy Trent: You revolting little man!

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Malcolm: Why couldn't people just leave us alone?

Simon: Because you're all wrong. Because we're all British and we must stick together like... lumps in porridge. Don't you see? Europe is good for us. We'll never have to worry about our money again; the Germans'll do it for us. We don't have to catch our own fish again; the Spanish'll do it for us. We don't even need our own government; the Brussels'll do it for us.

Malcolm: You don't believe a thing you say.

Simon: Nonsense. I'm totally committed to a United Kingdom, a United Europe, a United Dairies.

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Julie: Did he say anything about the case?

Winston: No.

Julie: So, you have achieved nothing.

Winston: Right.

Julie: Oh God! I can't do it on my own!

Malcolm: It's all right, Julie; I'll always be here.

Laura: Well done, Winston. You have just pushed our legal eagle over the edge.

Winston: Maybe if we get an outside lawyer onto it, huh?

Julie: Don't you dare! No-one knows Flatby law better than me. I am our legal arm; I will solve this, thank you very much! Now get lost all of you! I have work to do.

Laura: Come on.

Julie: Out! Out! Out!

Laura: [softly, to Winston] That was subtle, Winston.

Winston: I thought so.

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Gareth: Where're you going?

Simon: Flatby. The Minister suggested I go on a damage limitation visit.

Gareth: You, why you?

Simon: He mentioned something about employing a little charm and tact, rather than - yeah, how did he put it? "Crashing about like a Welsh lager lout at a knicker factory." Bye, Gareth.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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