Alan David: Gareth

Quotes 

• Gareth : Bit of grovelling poverty. That should fix the grubby little upstarts.

  Simon : But is it legal to cut off their funds?

  Gareth : Legal? Who cares! We're the government; we decide what's legal.

  Simon : We're not actually the government, Gareth. We work *for* the government.

  Gareth : Oh, really. Thank you. I'll note that down.

  Simon : And is it moral? Is it in the tradition of British fair play? We just might look like a bunch of big bullies.

  Gareth : We *are* a bunch of big bullies. We built an empire on being a bunch of big bullies. We enjoy being a bunch of big bullies. These people are traitors. In more enlightened times we would have just cut their heads off and had another cup of tea.

  Simon : I, I just feel your being a bit... mean.

  Gareth : I sincerely hope so. Now, while I conduct the practical shenanigans up here, I want you to keep up the fifth column stuff down there; undermine 'em, turn 'em against each other; nice bit of weasel work.

  Simon : Gareth, I'm not sure I really like...

  Gareth : Simon, Simon, hush hush a second. You do know that despite what they say about the civil service, your career is not exactly bomb-proof. And you do cherish and enjoy your insignificant little job, don't you.

  Simon : You really are a quite awful person.

  Gareth : Thank you, Simon. It is nice to know one's efforts don't go entirely unnoticed. Now get down there, get nasty, or get downsized.

• Gareth : Now, what's the problem?

  Simon : Well, not a problem, but I would say: 'Cave posteriorum'.

  Gareth : What?

  Simon : Look out for your backside.