Don Draper: The reason you haven't felt it is because it doesn't exist. What you call love was invented by guys like me, to sell nylons. You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one.
Don Draper: This is the greatest advertisting opportunity since the invention of cereal. We have six identical companies making six identical products. We can say anything we want. How do you make your cigarettes?
Lee Garner, Jr.: I don't know.
Lee Garner, Sr.: Shame on you. We breed insect repellant tobacco seeds, plant them in the North Carolina sunshine, grow it, cut it, cure it, toast it...
Don Draper: There you go. There you go.
[Writes on chalkboard and underlines: "IT'S TOASTED."]
Lee Garner, Jr.: But everybody's else's tobacco is toasted.
Don Draper: No. Everybody else's tobacco is poisonous. Lucky Strikes'... is toasted.
Roger: Well, gentlemen, I don't think I have to tell you what you just witnessed here.
Lee Garner, Jr.: I think you do.
Don Draper: Advertising is based on one thing: happiness. And do you know what happiness is? Happiness is the smell of a new car. It's freedom from fear. It's a billboard on the side of a road that screams with reassurance that whatever you're doing is OK. You are OK.
Lee Garner, Sr.: It's toasted.
Lee Garner, Sr.: I get it.
Midge Daniels: [to Don after sex] You know the rules, I don't make plans and I don't make breakfast.
Pete Campbell: A man like you I'd follow into combat blindfolded, and I wouldn't be the first. Am I right, buddy?
Don Draper: Let's take it a little slower. I don't want to wake up pregnant.
Salvatore Romano: [replying to Dr. Guttman's statement about smoking and a death wish] So we're supposed to believe that people are living one way and secretly thinking the exact opposite? That's ridiculous.
Don Draper: If Greta's research was any good I would have used it.
Pete Campbell: What are you talking about?
Don Draper: I'm saying I had a report just like that. And it's not like there's some magic machine that makes identical copies of things.
Rachel: [to Don] You were expecting me to be a man. My father was, too.
Don Draper: I'm not going to let a woman talk to me like that!
Don Draper: All I have is a crush-proof box, and four out of five dead people smoked your brand.
Don Draper: People were buying cigarettes before Freud was born.
Joan: Dr. Emerson's a dream, isn't he?
Peggy: He seemed nice.
Joan: He has a place in South Hampton. I'm not saying that I've seen it, but it's beautiful.
Dr. Greta Guttman: Before the war, when I studied with Edler in Vienna, we postulated that what Freud called the "death wish" is as powerful in life as those for sexual reproduction, and physical sustenance.
Don Draper: Freud, you say. What agency is he with?
Joan: Go home, take a paper bag, and cut some eye holes out of it. Put it over your head, get undressed, and look at yourself in the mirror. Really evaluate where your strengths and weaknesses are. And be honest.
Title Card: MAD MEN. A term coined in the late 1950's to describe the advertising executives of Madison Avenue. The coined it.