- Carol McCrackin: There we were in our red hats and scarves, singing "Winter Wonderland" and watching the sunset on the beach when a tattooed man in blue approached, and advised us that we were in "Crip" territory. Well I happen to speak "Crip", so I told him "chill, we were friendlies". But then five men in blue approached, and asked if the red scarves meant that we were sent by the Bloods to diss them. I said "fo schizzle, we were just spreading the word" and "please not get up in our grills". And then I reached for my pitch pipe...
- Dr. Christian Troy: They beat the crap out of you?
- Dr. Sean McNamara: Maybe they weren't music lovers.
- Dr. Christian Troy: How did you escape unhurt?
- Carol McCrackin: I took their advice and hauled my cracker ass out of there.
- Ram Peters: Don't you think that the little girl's gonna be a little bit better off with Kimber and me, rather than some punk who's willing to be filmed taking it up the ass so he could score a little bit more boo-yah?
- Dr. Christian Troy: That's my son, you dick-sucking pimp!
- Kimber Henry: Didn't you guys know that Matt worked here? Oh yeah, Ram cast him in First-Time Fairies... as a bottom. That's the one...
- Julia McNamara: Stop it Kimber, you're lying!
- Dr. Christian Troy: Of course she's lying. That's the only thing she's good at... except for spreading her legs
- Dr. Liz Cruz: [to the carollors singing] Go away! Bah humbug!
- Dr. Sean McNamara: Ebenezer Cruz, where's your Christmas spirit?
- Dr. Christian Troy: It takes at least two to tango with Kimber. Preferably eight, one for each tentacle.