[Stephen issues a special "Summer Threat Down."]
Stephen Colbert: Threat number two: Coral Reefs. According to microbiologists at Plymouth University in England, most of the world's coral reefs are riddled with herpes! Now, you're probably asking yourself, "How did the coral catch herpes?" Scientists blame humans for putting too much carbon into the oceans. But that doesn't answer the basic question: Who's been fucking the coral reefs? That's no where in their report. I looked. Now, I'm not surprised by this development. I've always found coral reefs to be the sluts of the sea, the way they dazzle us with their tropical colors, letting any ol' trigger fish make a home in their crevices. So SCUBA divers, for your protection, put a wet suit on that thing.