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Parental Guidance (2012) Poster

Quotes

Artie Decker: I feel 10 years younger than I am, and I look 10 years younger than that, so you're asking a 38 year old to retire.

Diane Decker: You're 38? Good, paint the house.

Diane Decker: Artie!

Artie Decker: I'm sorry! I can't take this anymore! This whole "teachable moments" of protecting their self-esteem and nobody gets punished and every game ends in a tie! All I hear is "Use your words. Use your words," but the word they never use with the kids is "No!"

[from trailer]

Harper Decker Simmons: [with a mouthful of cake] Yogurt not like ice cream! You lied!

Diane Decker: Bravo! Oh, wow! Harper, that was wonderful!

Harper Decker Simmons: I stunk.

Diane Decker: You most certainly did not!

[to Dr. Schveer]

Diane Decker: Wasn't she wonderful?

Dr. Schveer: No. This will *not* be good enough for your audition. You must practice more! When my daughter underperforms, I shun her. *This* girl should be shunned!

Alice Simmons: You threatened her violin teacher?

Diane Decker: She says threatened, I call it defending my granddaughter.

Diane Decker: You know what we are? We're the OTHER grandparents.

Artie Decker: Well we can't be all 4.

Turner Simmons: It's d-dirty out here.

Barker Simmons: And windy.

Artie Decker: Yeah, it's called outdoors.

Artie Decker: Harper, here're your sausages.

Harper Decker Simmons: Soy-sages.

Artie Decker: Soysages? Where are you, the Bronx?

Drayton Glass: We're looking for guys who Tweet.

Artie Decker: I'll tweet, I make any kind of noise you want.

Artie Decker: For the record, I was never going to actually spank Barker.

Harper Decker Simmons: But you said you were.

Artie Decker: But I didn't.

Harper Decker Simmons: But he didn't know that.

Artie Decker: That's *why* it worked.

Harper Decker Simmons: Oh.

Barker Simmons: Carl and I wanna leave.

Artie Decker: Don't leave your seat.

Barker Simmons: You said "don't".

Artie Decker: Consider the consequences, mister.

Turner SimmonsArtie Decker: [watching Saw] AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Artie Decker: [pauses movie] They made 6 of these?

Artie Decker: Eggless egg salad, how am I gonna know it when I see it?

Diane Decker: Dr. Schveer? I shun you, consider yourself shunned.

Mr. Cheng: My parents are Japanese, I'm Chinese, my kids are Korean and they go to a Hebrew school, oy vey!

Harper Decker Simmons: [eating ice cream cake] Mom, you lied to me! Yogurt is not like ice cream!

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Harper Decker Simmons: Just type in 'get to school'.

Artie Decker: Why is that easier than you just telling me how to get there?

Diane Decker: You know what grandparenting is? Second chance.

See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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