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Year One (2009) Poster

(2009)

Quotes

Zed: I'm sorry. I wasn't listening. All my brain blood was in my boner.

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Oh: I'm a virgin by choice.

Zed: Ha! Not *your* choice!

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Oh: I just want to lay with her so badly.

Zed: I don't see it. I mean she's cute, but I don't think I'd lay with her.

Oh: She's your sister. I mean, it would be like laying with your mother.

Zed: Which was a *big* mistake, I see that now.

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[from trailer]

Zed: You could be my right-hand man.

Oh: I've seen what you do with your right hand. No, thank you.

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Princess Inanna: Come! Come quick!

Zed: That won't be a problem.

Zed: What are we doing here?

Princess Inanna: I want you to enter the Holiest of Holies.

Zed: Oh, that's quite a coincidence, because I want you to sit on the Poliest of Polies.

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Abraham: We are the Hebrews. Righteous people - not very good at sports.

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Cain: For the crimes- of blasphemy - heresy - conspiracy - treachery - leprosy - puppetry - hyperbole - animal husbandry - sodomy... Oh, it's refusal of sodomy - overt punditry - and the murder of my brother Abel - the prisoners shall be stoned - TO DEATH!

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Oh: If we never ever see you again, it's not because we are avoiding you!

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High Priest: Behind these doors is the Holiest of Holies, earthly domain of the gods. A place so ineffably sacred, so powerful, that he who enters... Instant death!

Oh: Who cleans it?

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Zed: To Kyle Gass there! That's our stoner.

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[from trailer]

[a hunter knocks a bowl of berries out of Oh's hand]

Oh: Well, there won't be any berries in the fruit salad now, so we all lose.

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[from trailer]

[Zed has eaten an apple from the 'Tree of Knowledge']

Zed: I might know everything. Ask me something!

Oh: Where does the sun go at night?

Zed: Pass. Next question.

Oh: Where do babies come from?

Zed: Pass. Next question.

Oh: [noticing a snake] There's a snake on my foot.

Zed: In the form of a question!

Oh: [scared] There's a snake on my foot?

Zed: Correct!

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[from trailer]

Zed: [pointing to wheels] What are these big, round things for?

Cain: They're wheels, numbskull. They make the cart roll.

[Zed and Oh are riding on the cart, with their arms in the air]

Oh: I feel like a bird!

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Oh: [Oh and Eema come back out after having sex] She's not a virgin anymore!

Eema: He's not a virgin either.

Oh: I saved a life with my love making!

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Cain: [to his father Adam, while trying to flee on a slow-moving cart] Eat my dust, father!

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Cain: What transpires within the confines of the walls of Sodom, stays within the confines of the walls of Sodom.

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Zed: Look, I want you to know... I blame myself for everything that's happened.

Maya: Yeah, so does everybody else.

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Zed: It seems like a waste of a perfectly good virgin to me...

Pedestrian Villager: He guys, I'm trying to enjoy a sacrifice with my family. Do you mind? Do you mind?

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Zed: Hey, I'm peeing on my face too... on the inside!

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[last lines]

Zed: To the north!

Maya: You know that that's west.

Zed: Mmm hmm, yeah, I was just checking to see if you knew. To the west!

[under his breath]

Zed: I'm already glad you're here.

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Zed: [to Oh] I want you to have babies with my sister.

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Zed: [Abraham draws back with the knife, about to stab Isaac] STOP! What are you doin' with that kid?

Abraham: [Abraham freezes, with the knife still held high] ... Nothing.

Zed: Nothing?

Abraham: This is my son, sir. We were playing a game, alright? It's called... "Burny Burny Cut Cut".

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Maya: When my parents were killed by that pack of wild dogs, you really helped me see the funny side.

Zed: [imitating dogs barking] "No, no! He's got my ankle!"

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Zed: Can I see you later?

Maya: I think I have to wash my hair.

Zed: You washed your hair last year.

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Marlak: Stay away from my woman.

Zed: Not gonna be possible, Marlak. She's not your woman. You can't own people. Except for the guy who bought all of us. Apparently, he can.

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King: How did you become high priest?

High Priest: I'm your brother-in-law.

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Oh: [on Cain killing Abel] You were holding a rock and he ran into it with his face repeatedly until he just couldn't pull through.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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