Year One (2009)
Zed: I'm sorry. I wasn't listening. All my brain blood was in my boner.
Oh: I just want to lay with her so badly.
Zed: I don't see it. I mean she's cute, but I don't think I'd lay with her.
Oh: She's your sister. I mean, it would be like laying with your mother.
Zed: Which was a *big* mistake, I see that now.
Zed: You could be my right-hand man.
Oh: I've seen what you do with your right hand. No, thank you.
Princess Inanna: Come! Come quick!
Zed: That won't be a problem.
Zed: What are we doing here?
Princess Inanna: I want you to enter the Holiest of Holies.
Zed: Oh, that's quite a coincidence, because I want you to sit on the Poliest of Polies.
Abraham: We are the Hebrews. Righteous people - not very good at sports.
Cain: For the crimes- of blasphemy - heresy - conspiracy - treachery - leprosy - puppetry - hyperbole - animal husbandry - sodomy... Oh, it's refusal of sodomy - overt punditry - and the murder of my brother Abel - the prisoners shall be stoned - TO DEATH!
Oh: If we never ever see you again, it's not because we are avoiding you!
High Priest: Behind these doors is the Holiest of Holies, earthly domain of the gods. A place so ineffably sacred, so powerful, that he who enters... Instant death!
Oh: Who cleans it?
[a hunter knocks a bowl of berries out of Oh's hand]
Oh: Well, there won't be any berries in the fruit salad now, so we all lose.
[Zed has eaten an apple from the 'Tree of Knowledge']
Zed: I might know everything. Ask me something!
Oh: Where does the sun go at night?
Zed: Pass. Next question.
Oh: Where do babies come from?
Zed: Pass. Next question.
Oh: [noticing a snake] There's a snake on my foot.
Zed: In the form of a question!
Oh: [scared] There's a snake on my foot?
Zed: [pointing to wheels] What are these big, round things for?
Cain: They're wheels, numbskull. They make the cart roll.
[Zed and Oh are riding on the cart, with their arms in the air]
Oh: I feel like a bird!
Oh: [Oh and Eema come back out after having sex] She's not a virgin anymore!
Eema: He's not a virgin either.
Oh: I saved a life with my love making!
Cain: [to his father Adam, while trying to flee on a slow-moving cart] Eat my dust, father!
Cain: What transpires within the confines of the walls of Sodom, stays within the confines of the walls of Sodom.
Zed: Look, I want you to know... I blame myself for everything that's happened.
Maya: Yeah, so does everybody else.
Zed: It seems like a waste of a perfectly good virgin to me...
Pedestrian Villager: He guys, I'm trying to enjoy a sacrifice with my family. Do you mind? Do you mind?
Zed: To the north!
Maya: You know that that's west.
Zed: Mmm hmm, yeah, I was just checking to see if you knew. To the west!
[under his breath]
Zed: I'm already glad you're here.
Zed: [Abraham draws back with the knife, about to stab Isaac] STOP! What are you doin' with that kid?
Abraham: [Abraham freezes, with the knife still held high] ... Nothing.
Abraham: This is my son, sir. We were playing a game, alright? It's called... "Burny Burny Cut Cut".
Maya: When my parents were killed by that pack of wild dogs, you really helped me see the funny side.
Zed: [imitating dogs barking] "No, no! He's got my ankle!"
Zed: Can I see you later?
Maya: I think I have to wash my hair.
Zed: You washed your hair last year.
Marlak: Stay away from my woman.
Zed: Not gonna be possible, Marlak. She's not your woman. You can't own people. Except for the guy who bought all of us. Apparently, he can.