Caitlin Dowd: So, like a month into it, my first real girl thing, great dates, great but different sex, she turns to me and goes, "I'm pregnant."
Sam Morgan: Whoa. You don't see that coming.
Caitlin Dowd: No, you do not. And isn't that something you share with someone before getting in a relationship with them?
Sam Morgan: Did she just find out or was she trying to hide it from you?
Caitlin Dowd: She's like, three months along!
Sam Morgan: And you didn't notice any weight gain or...
Caitlin Dowd: I thought it was, like, "I'm so in love" poundage. There is nothing in the self-help section for this particular twist, I'll tell you that right now.
Alicia Lawson: Why is it so hard for you to be straight with me?
Caitlin Dowd: No pun intended?
Alicia Lawson: No jokes, Caitlin.
Caitlin Dowd: Excuse me, I like joking. It saves the people I care about from hearing what I really think, like, I dunno, say, somebody's trying to bust me for not being straight with them, when meanwhile, she knew she was pregnant way before she let me in on it?
Alicia Lawson: All right!
Caitlin Dowd: I mean come on!
Alicia Lawson: All right, all right! Look. It's perfectly normal for you to do the going-back-and-forth thing. And you throw in that I'm pregnant, and I'd have been shocked if you hadn't.
Caitlin Dowd: Wait. So now you're cool with it?
Alicia Lawson: I don't want to own you. I just want to trust you. No, I'm not cool with it. I'm a little crushed, to tell you the truth. And, it also took me about an hour and a half to figure out what I was going to wear to lunch with you, so...
Nicholas Branch: How many of the guys in the office has Katherine been through?
Zoe Burden: One that I know of. How did you know?
Nicholas Branch: It's a type. In my office, there's a Claudia and a Joelle.
Alicia Lawson: Sweetie, I didn't want to tell you until I was a hundred percent sure it was for real this time. I'm pregnant.
Caitlin Dowd: How?
Alicia Lawson: A donor. My ex and I had been trying for a while. And after we split up, I was still in such a place of wanting a child, I tried one last time.
Alicia Lawson: Aren't you going to say something?
Caitlin Dowd: Uh... Congratulations?
Jason Chung: Is Jack going to be there?
Mia Mason: [laughs] No.
Jason Chung: Any other old boyfriends?
Mia Mason: No. Just my closest girlfriends.
Jason Chung: Anything else I need to know?
Mia Mason: It's a dinner, not a procedure.
Jason Chung: Everything's a procedure.