Sam Oliver: See that guy over there? I just had a strange vision of him stabbing me.
Bert 'Sock' Wysocki: I just ate a strange cupcake.
Sam Oliver: The paint mixer rodeo! That's one angry looking bull. You sure you're ready for this?
Bert 'Sock' Wysocki: This is not my first time in the rodeo, Sam.
Ted: Well, congratulations, you have just incurred the wrath of Ted.
Sam Oliver: Don't you have minions down in hell to keep track of these things? Like who's escaped recently? I don't know how it works, come on.
Devil: Minions. You know who works for me in my central office? White collar criminals. They hate me. They hate their jobs. I'm lucky if I get coffee in the morning.
Ted: What, are you talking to yourself again, Sam? That is a sad, sad state of affairs, my friend. Because no one answers. Ever.
Ben: My dad's super allergic, you know, I couldn't have any pets, so this little guy fills that void.
Bert 'Sock' Wysocki: You said I filled that void, Ben.
Ben: I'm worried about Winston. He's innocent in all this.
Sam Oliver: What about me, man? I'm an innocent. You're not feeding me pretzels and nestling me on your breast.
Bert 'Sock' Wysocki: Okay, that's just gross.
Sam Oliver: You put the contract for my soul with my third grade report card, and Mr Huggles?
Ben: You're one freaky ass bird, who scared the crap out of me and now I can't be comfortable around birds ever again. I hope you know that.
Devil: I never drink while I'll work. Clouds the mind.
Sam Oliver: Maybe if you drank you'd be less of a dick.
Sam Oliver: What is Ted doing?
Andi: I put a note on his windshield. Says sorry, I hit your car.
Sam Oliver: You hit Ted's car?
Sam Oliver: Who did?
Andi: No one. But he's been looking for the damage for over ten minutes now.