Bert 'Sock' Wysocki: You need a doctor! Dr. Jager, Dr. Cuervo and Dr. Captain Morgan, he has two titles!
[Sam and Sock have just been assigned to a dreaded nighttime inventory]
Sam: Well, that screws cart duty with Andi!
Bert "Sock" Wysocki: Inventory? I'll give him inventory, that little piece of dick! I hate him. I *hate him*! The stupid little haircut, and his dumb grin, his little weird eye...
Sam: Which one's weird?
Bert "Sock" Wysocki: Both of them!
Sam: [witnessing Sock fuming] Sock, are you all right?
[Sock grunts angrily]
Sam: [tenderly] Hulk need a smash?
[Sock picks up a wooden chair, goes outside and proceeds to smash the chair into bits]
Bert "Sock" Wysocki: [accentuating each smash] Stupid... Ted... Work... Bench... Jessica... Alba!
Sam: [confused] What's with Jessica Alba?
Bert "Sock" Wysocki: She thinks she's too good for me.
Andi: I was saving to buy you a girlfriend. I assume you're okay with the plastic variety.
Bert "Sock" Wysocki: That is quite the bag o' batteries you got there, Josie. Feeling a little lonely these days?
Josie: We're having blackouts, jackass. They're for my flashlight. And if I was lonely for you, I'd just get a pencil.
Bert "Sock" Wysocki: There's nobody up here to kill.
Ben: Except us.
Bert "Sock" Wysocki: Point taken.
Sam: Alright, so what should we do?
Ben: Hunker down, cowboy up, fight the bastard until he's back in hell where he belongs.
Bert 'Sock' Wysocki: Or we could run like little girls. That's my vote.