Jim Halpert: [to the camera crew] Michael and Jan seem to be playing their own seperate game. And it's called, "Let's see how uncomfortable we can make our guests." And they're both winning. So I am going to make a run for it.
Jan Levinson: [after Michael says he wants a child] If you want to have kids, then fine, you win. Let's have a
Jan Levinson: kid!
Jan Levinson: You should see our bathroom after Michael takes a bath.
Jan Levinson: But I don't have to tell you, Pam.
Pam Beesly: [laughs] Oh, yeah... Wait, what?
Pam Beesly: [whispering] I don't care what they say about me. I just want to eat. Which I realize is a lot to ask for... at a dinner party.
[outside Michael's house, two police officers approach]
Dwight Schrute: I'll take care of this. Okay, what seems to be the problem, Officers?
Cop #1: Not now, Dwight.
Michael Scott: [takes a sip of wine] Mmm. A sort of an oaky afterbirth.
Michael Scott: [arguing] Man, I would love to burn your candles!
Jan Levinson: You burn it, you buy it!
Michael Scott: Oh, good, I'll be your first customer!
Jan Levinson: You're hardly my first.
Michael Scott: That's what she said!
[Jan picks up one of Michael's Dundie awards and throws it at his $200 plasma screen TV]
Jan Levinson: Well, how about we do the short tour, and then I'll start dinner.
Pam Beesly: Oh, I can help starting dinner, if you need it.
Jan Levinson: Oh, no, no, no, it's just the Osso Buco, needs to braise for about three hours. Everything else is done.
Pam Beesly: Three hours from now, or three hours from earlier, like 4:00?
Jan Levinson: You know, Pam, in Spain, they often don't even start eating until midnight.
Michael Scott: When in Rome.
Michael Scott: When I said that I wanted to have kids, and you said you wanted me to have a vasectomy, what did I do? And then, when you said that you might want to have kids, and I wasn't so sure, who had the vasectomy reversed? And then when you said you definitely didn't want to have kids? Who had it reversed back? Snip, snap! Snip, snap! Snip, snap! I did! You have no idea the physical toll that three vasectomies have on a person!
Angela Martin: The thought of popping one of your beets into my mouth makes me want to vomit.
Michael Scott: That is a $200 plasma screen TV that you just killed! Good luck paying me back with your zero-dollars-a-year salary plus benefits, babe!
[as it comes to Michael's turn during their game]
Michael Scott: [clapping] All right, my... my... my... my turn! My... my... my... my turn! My... my... my... my turn!
Jan Levinson: Babe, can you just, like, really...
Michael Scott: What?
Jan Levinson: You're just, like, really...
Michael Scott: [laughing] What? What?
Jan Levinson: Could you just simmer down? Seriously.
Michael Scott: I'm just making people laugh.
Jan Levinson: No.
Michael Scott: Yes, I was watching Jim's face.
Jan Levinson: I was watching Jim.
[Jim stares off with a blank expression]
Jan Levinson: And he was laughing. Look.
Jan Levinson: [turns to the camera] No smile.
Michael Scott: Look at him. He's laughing.