Michael Scott: Hypothetically, if I were to ask you to go camping. And... Do you know what "hypothetical" means?
[Jim makes an unsure expression]
Michael Scott: Not real.
Jim Halpert: Got it.
Michael Scott: So if I were to hypothetically ask you to go camping with me, would you go?
Jim Halpert: Absolutely. Yes.
Jim Halpert: When Michael plays the hypothetical game, I always say yes.
Michael Scott: Really?
Jim Halpert: Yeah.
Michael Scott: Oh, do you want to go today?
Jim Halpert: [aside to the camera] And I am always busy.
Jim Halpert: Oh, I can't go today because I'm donating blood.
Dwight Schrute: Do I believe that Michael possesses the skills to survive in a hostile environment? Let's put it this way. No, I do not.
Michael Scott: It's hot today. The sun is in the two-thirds easterly quadrant, which would make it about
[looks at his watch]
Michael Scott: 2:00 in the afternoon.
Creed Bratton: Today is actually my birthday and I want to pick the cake.
Jim Halpert: What do you want?
Creed Bratton: I want pie. I want peach pie.
Jim Halpert: You want birthday pie?
Creed Bratton: I want a nice cobbler.
Jim Halpert: I'll talk to Angela and we're going to see what we can do about a pie.
Creed Bratton: I don't care who you talk to you. Just make it happen.
Jim Halpert: It'll be Angela.
Creed Bratton: You tell her it's for Creed. She'll know what that means.
Michael Scott: [to Stanley] Look at those wrinkles. Blacks do crack. Not crack the drug.
Jim Halpert: Yeah. Phyllis called me Michael. And I will always and forever be haunted by that fact.
Jim Halpert: Well, I don't think I'll be here in 10 years, but...
Michael Scott: That's what I said.
[Jim sits with a shocked expression that that will happen to him]
Michael Scott: That's what she said.
Jim Halpert: That's what who said?
Michael Scott: I never know. But I just say it. I say stuff like that, you know, to lighten the tension when things sort of get hard.
Jim Halpert: That's what she said.
Michael Scott: [laughs] Hey. Nice. Really good. Bravo, my young ward.
[Michael is a little hurt that he wasn't invited to Ryan's camping trip]
Michael Scott: Just this whole Toby camping thing. I don't know, seems a little lame. I mean...
Jim Halpert: How so?
Michael Scott: A bunch of guys in a tent making s'mores.
[Michael wavers his hand implying that circumstance warrants homosexuality because it's all guys]
Jim Halpert: [about Michael's motions] What's that?
Michael Scott: Oh, I'm on Broken Mountain.