My Family (TV Series)
Susan of Troy (2007)
Gabriel Thomson: Michael Harper
Photos
Quotes
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Michael Harper : They said yes! I don't believe it - we're going to be on The Weakest Link!
Susan Harper : The Weakest Link?
Michael Harper : They accepted us. It's a family edition. I did tell you about it.
Susan Harper : [to Grace] You hear that, mother? That's what do in this family - we tell each other things.
[to Michael]
Susan Harper : When did you do this?
Michael Harper : A couple of months ago when I filled in the forms for everybody.
Susan Harper : I don't remember signing anything.
Michael Harper : I kind of forged all the signatures. I do them perfectly.
Susan Harper : Even your father's?
Michael Harper : Since I was 10.
Susan Harper : Can you teach me?
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Michael Harper : What's wrong with Roger?
Ben Harper : Any questions like that, Michael, on this show and we're done for!
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Susan Harper : Right! Let's get this over with! If Anne Robinson says one thing about this dress, so help me, I'll fix her so she won't have to phone a friend, she'll have to phone a doctor!
Janey Harper : Wrong show, mum. That's Deal Or No Deal.
Susan Harper : So what's the one with Ant & Dec?
Michael Harper : We are dead in the water!
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Ben Harper : I'm Ben Harper. I'm, er, 49... I'm a dentist. I'm from Chiswick.
Susan Harper : Hello. I'm Susan Harper, I'm 46...
Ben Harper : [laughs]
Susan Harper : ...and I also live in Chiswick, and I work in an art gallery.
Michael Harper : I'm Michael Harper, I'm 18, I live in Chiswick and I'm not too old to be adopted.
Alfie Butts : I'm Alfie Butts, I'm 26, I pay rent from a box room in Chiswick...
Ben Harper : Oh, please!
Alfie Butts : ...I'm unempl- I'm, I'm a musician!
Janey Harper : I'm Janey Harper. I'm 25. I live in west London. I'm single. I like Colin Farrell films and romantic walks in the country. A nice car and holiday home are essential!
Director : Cut!
Janey Harper : What?
Researcher : Is that your mummy?
Kenzo Harper : [pause] No!
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Weakest Link Presenter : And Michael, you volunteered your family for the show. Why?
Michael Harper : Because I'd recorded every episode of The Weakest Link. Then I transcribed all the questions, subdividing them into topics, then I plotted them against a graph of my own family's areas of interest and from that, I calculated that the only person who has a greater than 38% chance of beating me is Alfie!
Weakest Link Presenter : You don't have a girlfriend, do you, Michael?
Weakest Link Presenter : No.
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Alfie Butts : [Mimics crowd cheering noises]
Michael Harper : Jammy git!
Ben Harper : So, I wonder who won?