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Lesbian Vampire Killers
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Reviews & Ratings for
Vampire Killers More at IMDbPro »Lesbian Vampire Killers (original title)

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2 out of 7 people found the following review useful:

Sublime silliness

9/10
Author: Thorsten-Krings from Germany
8 March 2010

I really enjoyed this film. Clearly the writers and director are well versed in horror films and have pulled together a loving parody of b-movies. But it's also very stylishly directed which makes it a joy to watch. Think Tarrantino directing Shaun of the Dead and you get the general idea. The film has some very funny moments and is certainly helped by Horne and Corden who basically bring along their charactzers from Gavin&Stacy. And yes, there are girls, very sexy girls, scantily dressed.As a horror movie its does certainly not work (as opposed to Shaun of the Dead which had its scary moments) but it's forst class comedy!

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2 out of 7 people found the following review useful:

Basic comedy fare that will maybe satisfy the male teenage Nuts reader, but nobody else

Author: bob the moo from United Kingdom
26 July 2009

Jimmy has been dumped by his girlfriend (again) while his friend Fletch has just lost his job as a children's entertainer for having a fight with a child (again). The two of them are looking for cheering up and decide to go to Ibiza for sun, sea, music, alcohol, sex and more. Unfortunately neither can afford it so they randomly decide on a place in England to go hiking instead. They pick Cragwich, a small village in Norwich but feel vindicated when they meet a group of stunning girls who have also decided on the area as part of a road trip. Things look promising and perhaps both men would get lucky, were it not for a centuries old curse which sees all the girls of the village become lesbian vampires when they turn 18 years old.

All I know about Corden and Horne is what I have gleamed from the critics. Apparently Gavin & Stacey is brilliant and Lesbian Vampire Killers is the worst thing that has ever happened in the history of man – it is pretty much that simple so we are told. I have heard that they are suppose to be the Morecambe & Wise of this generation and perhaps that is true because, like M&W, whatever worked for them on television doesn't appear to work when it comes to the cinema. I watched this film very aware of the kicking that all the critics gave it when it came out in the cinema earlier this year. Nobody really had a good word to say about it and I did wonder if it wasn't case of the critics deciding to go to town on the film and enjoy the chance to go wild on a bad film rather than write about average ones. LVK doesn't deserve the hammering it got but it certainly is not a film that the majority of viewers will see much value in.

It is telling that one of the few papers that gave this film a positive review was The Sun, because it is very much the sort of humour that will appeal to those that consider that (and The Mirror, The Daily Star etc) to be the best place to get their news. To be more specific within the group of "Sun readers", LVK is targeted squarely at readers of Nuts and Zoo – the men's magazines which focus on soft core nudity, sports and other things men like reading about. In that regard the film is a limited success because the broad crude humour, lesbians that draw their stereotypes from pornography, silly gore, gormless blokes who love beer and lots of young women kissing other young women. Those looking to have those boxes ticked as simply being present will be pleased. Sadly, for the rest of us, none of these boxes are ticked beyond that level. The broad humour is not funny – I didn't laugh once. The gore is messy but has no fear associated with it, nor does it have any sense of dark humour to it. Meanwhile, the lesbian cheap thrills offered by the trashy title are weak and are unlikely to even titillate the most horny teenage boys.

In terms of cast nobody comes off well, although the main two are not as bad as some would say. Indeed the problems with Corden and Horne is with their material, not just with them – although their "blokey" act wears thin long before the film ends. McGann is so-so but at least is a bit amusing. Meanwhile the various young ladies are attractive enough and used as basic eye candy for the masses – nothing more than that for them to do here. Writers Hupfield and Williams are the main people to blame though as, instead of a smart modern horror spoof, they deliver us a script full of nonsense, laced with homophobia and crudity and with the comedy left to the side.

Lesbian Vampire Killers is not the worst film in the world, in fact, to some sections of the audience, it will be an hilariously irreverent comedy. This will be a very small, laddy and teenage section of the audience though because there is little for the casual viewer. No wit, practically no laughs, nothing to titillate, nothing to excite, nothing to be scared of. The best thing about it is that it is only about 80 minutes long – but with nothing to show for that time, even that feels much, much longer than it deserved to be.

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4 out of 11 people found the following review useful:

Not a complete disaster

5/10
Author: Neil Welch from United Kingdom
26 March 2009

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

You can't say that you don't know what you're letting yourself in for. From the title, it's quite clear that this film is going to be a smutty vampire movie spoof, so no surprises there. It features Matthew Horne and James Corden, currently flavours of the week as hot new UK TV young comedy talent.

Let me say that I liked much of this daft film. There was some good production values, particularly as regards special effects, the lasses were winsome (if fairly indistinguishable), there were some nice flourishes with captions, exaggerated sound effects and so on, a few decent chuckles, a couple of made-you-jump moments, and an attractive performance of genuine charm from Myanna Buring who was chosen, I expect, because of her close resemblance to Yutte Stensgaard, starlet of several Hammer vampire movies in the 70s.

Now we come to what I didn't like. A minor criticism is that I thought there was too much running around in dark woods, and slow motion writhing in floaty windswept chiffon - a bit more plot would been preferred. More to the point, while I didn't dislike all the bad language (the first time the vicar lets fly with something unexpected is genuinely funny), I did dislike most of it. Profanity for the sake of it isn't, of itself, very funny - it added nothing, and took away.

Then we come to James Corden. Losers are good protagonists for comedies - there's inherent humour in loserishness but, to bring it out effectively, your losers need to be sympathetic. Matthew Horne achieves this well here - he is a clueless little-boy-lost, the everyman of whom the audience thinks "That could have been me." James Corden on the other hand plays essentially the same character which Jonah Hill played in Superbad, Knocked up etc. - the crass, loudmouthed, obnoxious, charmless oaf who you would cross the street to avoid. This unpleasant character completely overpowers the movie and, in doing so, loses the sympathy of the audience - well, this member of it at any rate. I do not know why film makers think this character is funny. A shame - the movie would have been much better had both loser protagonists been sympathetic.

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5 out of 13 people found the following review useful:

Misogynist and sexist

1/10
Author: pattykirsche from Brazil
28 May 2012

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

A misogynist and sexist film. In addition to displaying young and beautiful women's bodies as objects, they are killed in grotesque ways for having committed the crime of being lewd and lesbians. And they die by being crossed by a sword that resembles a penis and explode in a white jam that seems sperm.

One might say I'm exaggerating, but how to justify that the fat coward boy has the idea of filling condoms with holy water to throw at the vampires?

The only girl who is saved is the virgin who wears more clothes.

This film is a synthesis of practices that Bram Dijkstra calls therapeutic rape. The girls who show their sensuality are all punished by symbolic phalluses.

It's very disappointing that a film for young men educates them with such a disgusting mentality.

Questionable taste jokes complete a movie whose veiled message is that sexy women are dangerous.

If it were not my professional duty, I would never had wasted my time watching this pure garbage.

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5 out of 13 people found the following review useful:

Complete Rubbish!!!

2/10
Author: Matt Ryan from United Kingdom
5 June 2009

OK, I don't actually like James Corden and Matthew Horne but one of the reviews for this movie stated that it was "Shaun Of The Dead With Vampires" and seeing that Shaun Of The Dead is my favourite movie of all time, I thought I would take a look! I REALLY REALLY REALLY wish I hadn't bothered! What a complete load of rubbish! It wasn't funny, It wasn't scary (not that it was supposed to be) and it wasn't good! I can't remember laughing once! I can't even remember giving out a little chuckle! As I expected, Horne and Corden were absolutely terrible as they are in everything they star in! But to compare this piece of crap to Shaun Of The Dead is like comparing Emanuelle In Space to Star Wars! Please people don't waste 81 minutes of your life! I gave this a 2 but ONLY because it had Paul McGann in it! Oh and some hot ladies :) 2/10

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7 out of 17 people found the following review useful:

Unfunny

3/10
Author: rose-294 from Finland
5 April 2009

Bad British horror comedy - so it is Shaun of the Dead, right? Nope, it is a new indie fiasco called Lesbian Vampire Killers. So, has Buffy come of of the closet? Nope, again, it is the vampires who are the lesbians and the killers who are the straight, and what follows is lot of potty-mouthed dialogue and bodily fluids, but where's the entertainment amidst this gross sleaze? Nowhere. Silvia Collocca, gorgeously dressed and fun vampire lady from Van Helsing, is now a dull, badly dressed leader of dull, badly dressed "lesbian" vampires. Being a big fan of Hammer's entertaining and lovely-to-look-at Karnstein trilogy, I can only say: Carmilla, kick this upstart back to the trash where it belongs.

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1 out of 6 people found the following review useful:

Folling the trail that works

6/10
Author: pandyman09 from Australia
9 July 2009

This film was watchable and sometimes funny. With a title like Lesbian Vampire Killers you can't expect anything more than what you see. For one it follows the same themes we have seen in the past, kooky looking thin Englishman and his over weight comic relief friend. (Shaun of the dead). Heavey alcohol theme then stereotyped characters and story lines. If you are after a bit of upper body nakedness this has it. If you are after fully scripted characterizations and well balanced subject matters with limited overacting then look for something else. It has enough to keep you watching and maybe enough to make you come back again but it does lack the rib grabbing jaw dropping expected in this day from such a genre.

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5 out of 14 people found the following review useful:

Not the UK's finest moment!

4/10
Author: filmsploitation from United Kingdom
3 June 2009

Phil's Quick Capsule Review: Toilet. Utter toilet. Whilst the films premise is amusing the jokes are few are far between and are so puerile that they make Carry on films seem intelligent. That said the charm or Horn & Corden make the film better than it should be.

Best Bit: That it's only 85 mins!

IMDb Rating: 4/10

Buy, Rent or Borrow: Borrow

If you liked this try: Shaun Of The Dead (9/10); Sundown The Vampire in Retreat (7/10); Waxwork 2 (6/10)

If you liked this review check out more at : http://www.mod-life.net/modlife/index_ugly.htm

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22 out of 49 people found the following review useful:

Shaun of the dead with Vampires

8/10
Author: mister_geek
9 March 2009

Was lucky enough to catch a preview of this film at the London Frightfest.

The first thing I thought when I saw the posters for this flick was: What a Shaun of the Dead rip off! A horror spoof featuring a wisecracking chubby guy and a skinny wussy guy? Seen that one before: James Corden is basically a blonde Nick Frost and Mathew Horne is a dark haired Simon Pegg.

Nevertheless, this movie is great fun thanks to a good script that keeps the jokes coming in thick and fast and the commitment of the director to deliver the goods when it comes to lesbians, vampires and gory kills.

Recommended!

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0 out of 6 people found the following review useful:

Lesbian Vampire Killers

5/10
Author: Jackson Booth-Millard from United Kingdom
19 September 2009

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Some people didn't understand what sense the title referred, i.e. whether the killers or vampires were lesbians, but I think the word "lesbian" was enough to draw in boys, me included, and the two leading stars. The film opens with a story of Carmilla (Silvia Colloca), queen of the lesbian vampires, defeated by Baron Wolfgang Maclaren (Mathew Horne), but not before she put a curse on all girls that will turn 18 into lesbian vampires, and also she says that all MacLaren's in the bloodline will be killed. Then, in the modern day, we see sex-crazed drunken slacker Fletch (James Corden) and jilted loser Jimmy Maclaren (Horne again) going on a hiking holiday in an unknown haunted village, obviously with that curse over it. Soon enough, Fletch and Jimmy join a gang of fit hot (great looking) girls for a little drinking and stuff, only to have them turn into lesbian vampires one by one, till only Lotte (The Descent's MyAnna Buring), Jimmy's love interest, is left. The local, seemingly crazed Vicar (Paul McGann) is the only one in the village that also knows about the vampires arising, including of course Queen Carmilla again, ready to kill Jimmy as the last in his bloodline, while Fletch sees no choice but to help save the day too. Also starring Vera Filatova as Eva, Lucy Gaskell as Judy, Tiffany Mulheron as Heidi, Ashley Mulheron as Trudi and Louise Dylan as Anke. I have always preferred Corden to Horne, and he doesn't fail to make the most laughs, and with some alright gory effects and obvious sexual material, this is like a send-up to Hammer Horror and a near modern-day Carry On Screaming. Worth watching!

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