Vampire Killers (2009)
"Lesbian Vampire Killers" (original title)

R  |   |  Action, Comedy, Horror  |  20 March 2009 (UK)
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Ratings: 5.2/10 from 16,494 users  
Reviews: 88 user | 106 critic

Their women having been enslaved by the local pack of lesbian vampires thanks to an ancient curse, the remaining menfolk of a rural town send two hapless young lads out onto the moors as a sacrifice.



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Cast overview, first billed only:
Margarita Hall ...
Daughter of Darkness 1
Daughter of Darkness 2
Emma Clifford ...
Ms Rossi
John Pierce Jones ...
Landlord (as John Pierce-Jones)
Sidney Goatherder No.7 / The Storyteller


Centuries ago, Baron Wolfgang MacLaren vanquished the Vampire Queen Carmilla in the remote Cragwich; however, before decapitating the evil vampire, she curses the locals and descendants of the baron, swearing that every woman would turn into a lesbian vampire on the eighteenth birthday. On the present days, the clumsy and naive cuckold Jimmy is dumped again by his girlfriend Judy and misses her. His best friend Fletch is fired in his job of clown after hitting an annoying boy. The two friends are broken and decide to camp in the countryside to forget their problems, and Jimmy throws a dart in a map in a pub to decide where they should go. They head to Cragwich and when they arrive in the bar Baron's Rest, they see four hot girls leaving the place in a Kombi. The innkeeper offers the old Mircalla cottage in the woods for them, the same place the girls will lodge. Meanwhile, Lotte, Heide, Anke and Trudi have trouble with their van and Jimmy and Fletch reach them in the forest and they ... Written by Claudio Carvalho, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

Plot Summary | Plot Synopsis


Two no-hopers. One cursed village. One hell of a night! See more »


Action | Comedy | Horror

Motion Picture Rating (MPAA)

Rated R for language, sexual content and horror violence | See all certifications »

Parents Guide:





Release Date:

20 March 2009 (UK)  »

Also Known As:

Vampire Killers  »

Box Office

Opening Weekend:

£648,634 (UK) (20 March 2009)


£1,581,373 (UK) (3 April 2009)

Company Credits

Show detailed on  »

Technical Specs


| (European Film Market)

Sound Mix:


Aspect Ratio:

2.35 : 1
See  »

Did You Know?


Ashley Mulheron was initially envisioned for the role of Heidi. See more »


Fletch: Hahahahahahahaha! It's got a big metal cock for a handle!
See more »


General Custard
(Barrie Gledden (as Gledden) / Loy / Lacey)
Licensed courtesy of Audio Networks
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User Reviews

Sharp-toothed, braindead fun.
1 April 2009 | by (United Kingdom) – See all my reviews

Okay, so, Lesbian Vampire Killers huh? Yes, I know, it sounds ludicrous, atrocious, gimmicky and gauche—but you know what? I enjoyed it. In fact, I really enjoyed it, and please bear in mind that a few readers would have you believe me to be a pompous twit. Nevermind however, because Lesbian Vampire Killers is a hoot if you're willing to simply sit back and be tickled in special areas for ninety minutes. Sure it's crude, utterly pointless and relies mostly on the humour of men drooling over breasts whilst decapitating lots of pretty strippers—but that's the point of the feature, and it's downright hilarious, fun and engaging if you're open to such stupidity. Of course, I often slam movies for being braindead and moronic, but that's only if they fail to make me giggle after the hundredth pitiful attempt at doing so. No, rather than come across as a lame Movie hybrid, Phil Claydon here manages to create a wonderfully dark comedy parody akin more to the classic Evil Dead movies spliced with a touch of Braindead and Shaun of the Dead. It's audacious, rude, blasphemous and somewhat morbidly erotic—and yet, I couldn't have been more pleased with such a piece of popcorn-trash-cinema.

The movie takes place largely within a small rural area of Norfolk which has a history involving an ancient curse that creates lesbian vampires out of all the town's females as soon as they turn eighteen. Off on an unsuspecting break from their dreary lives which are shamefully going nowhere, best friends Fletch (James Corden) and Jimmy (Mathew Horne) soon end up in the middle of a group of scantily clad, tantalising lesbians who take a special interest in Jimmy because of his supposed lineage dating back to their hybrid queen who wants to rule the world again. Sound hammy? Well, yes, it is. Yet, rather than simply avoid that fact, writers Paul Hupfield and Stewart Williams acknowledge the cliché, intangible nature of the plot consistently; toying and poking at its pretentiousness at every chance through either a quip from one of the characters, or many of the devices used to further it along (The Sword of Dialdo, for example). Not only does help to solidify the movie's satirical edge towards fooling no-one to take all this seriously, but it offers plenty of brilliant one-liners and character humour too, resulting in a light, almost care-free experience that entertains more than disgruntles.

With that being said however, it should also be noted that Lesbian Vampire Killers isn't all dumb and sophomoric; in fact, there's plenty of intelligence going on behind the scenes, and it isn't hard to see. The most potent example of this comes in the form of the characters themselves who, although never straying far from the horror movie clichés of unknowing and coy hero with his bumbling, comic relief buddy, nevertheless work very well on screen to counteract the movie's tendency to off on extremely surreal tangents. Working with fast-paced, edgy dialogue that always feels timely and natural, the actors come off as having a ton of fun here, and this playful nature complements the distinctly farcical side of the feature's story. Of course, a large majority of that very same dialogue gets most of its laughs from the odd curse here or there, but it's all so well timed and perfectly played out that you don't care if it's cheap and rudimentary—Lesbian Vampire Killers, isn't necessarily out to impress through any other means, and it's refreshing to be treated to such a movie that stays true to that ideal without succumbing to tired, derivative writing.

Furthermore, it has to be said that while the feature comes from an ensemble of largely unknowns within the business, you would never be able to tell. Everything from the set design and performances, to the fantastic score penned by Debbie Wiseman and the beautifully complementary photography of David Higgs accentuates the movie's greatest parts resulting in a coherent, engaging whole that echoes the script's exploitation-flick direction. So, much like those feisty lesbian vampires themselves, Lesbian Vampire Killers does well to keep things edgy, morbid, and bloody, but most of all—attractive, fun and alluring. Not everyone will appreciate what Claydon and company achieve here (in fact, most will be sure to brush it off as nothing but juvenile penis jokes), but those looking for downright hilarious horror done with passion and conviction need look no further than this which has everything from dildo-handled swords inflicting stylized gore with foul-mouthed priests (who just happen to destroy lesbianism, go figure) to, well; lesbian vampires. It's the perfect Friday night popcorn muncher, so sit back with some friends and enjoy it for the sharp-toothed, braindead fun that it is.

  • A review by Jamie Robert Ward (

87 of 122 people found this review helpful.  Was this review helpful to you?

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