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"The Office" Women's Appreciation (TV Episode 2007) Poster

(TV Series)

(2007)

Quotes

Dwight Schrute: I wish I could menstruate. If I could menstruate, I wouldn't have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore. I'd just be able to count down from my previous cycle. Plus, I'd be more in tune with the moon and the tides.

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Michael Scott: Let's face it. Most guys are from the Dark Ages. They're cavemen. And they like a woman to be showing her cleavage and to be wearing eight-inch heels. And to be wearing see-through underpants. But for me, a woman looks best when she is just absolutely naked.

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Dwight Schrute: This is a petition for the business park to upgrade their security cameras, as well as install two floodlights in the parking lot. And I know what you're thinking: Won't that just shed more light on the penises? But that is a risk we have to take. Pam, you can draw, kind of. Why don't you work with Phallus on drawing a picture of the exposer that I can post around the community?

Pam Beesley: Phallus?

Dwight Schrute: Phyllis. Sorry. I've got penises on the brain.

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Michael Scott: My point is... A penis, when seen in the right context, is the most wonderful sight for a woman. But in the wrong context, it is like a monster movie.

Dwight Schrute: "Alien."

[makes monster noise]

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Angela: Sometimes the clothes at the GapKids are just too flashy. So, I am forced to go to American Girl store and order clothes for large colonial dolls.

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Pam Beesly: I don't often miss Roy, but I can tell you one thing. I wish someone flashed me when I was with Roy. Because that would have been the ass-kicking of the year. Especially if it had been Jim. He would not have wanted me to see Jim's... I'm... I am saying a lot of things.

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Jim Halpert: [after he's been given a demerit] Like, what does a demerit mean?

Dwight Schrute: Let's put it this way. You do not want to receive three of those.

Jim Halpert: Lay it on me.

Dwight Schrute: Three demerits, and you'll receive a citation.

Jim Halpert: Now, that sounds serious.

Dwight Schrute: Oh, it is serious. Five citations, and you're looking at a violation. Four of those, and you'll receive a verbal warning. Keep it up, and you're looking at a written warning. Two of those, that will land you in a world of hurt, in the form of a disciplinary review, written up by me, and placed on the desk of my immediate superior.

Jim Halpert: Which would be me.

Dwight Schrute: That is correct.

Jim Halpert: Okay. I want a copy on my desk by the end of the day or you will receive a full dessaggelation.

Dwight Schrute: What's a dis... What's that?

Jim Halpert: Oh, you don't want to know.

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Karen Filippelli: Hey, did you guys see this memo that Dwight sent out? "Women will be sent home if they wear makeup or heels exceeding one-quarter inch. Females are not allowed to speak to strangers unless given written authorization by Dwight Schrute." This is ridiculous.

Dwight Schrute: Attention. I am removing all bananas from the kitchen.

Karen Filippelli: Dwight, this memo that you distributed is insulting.

Dwight Schrute: Desperate times call for desperate measures.

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Michael Scott: Nobody likes to be flashed. When Meredith flashed me at that Christmas party, I nearly vomited.

Meredith Palmer: I don't remember doing that!

Angela: What a surprise.

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Karen Filippelli: What you're saying is extremely misogynistic.

Michael Scott: Yes. Thank you. That was not necessary, but I appreciated it. And it proves my point. Women can do anything.

Karen Filippelli: I'm saying that you're being sexist.

Michael Scott: No. I'm being misogynistic. That is insane. I am not being sexist.

Karen Filippelli: That's the same thing.

Phyllis Lapin: Michael.

Michael Scott: Yes.

Phyllis Lapin: When I got my hair cut short, you asked me if I was a lesbian.

Michael Scott: Because... That was one possible explanation as to why you got that haircut.

Angela: And when we get mad, you always ask us if we're on our periods.

Michael Scott: I have to know whether you're serious or not.

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Michael Scott: Any man who says he totally understands women is a fool. Because they are un-understandable. There's a wishing fountain at the mall, and I threw a coin in for every woman in the world and made a wish. I wished for Jan to get over me. I wished for Phyllis a plasma TV. I wished for Pam to gain courage. I wished for Angela a heart and for Kelly a brain. "Michael. How can you appreciate women so much but also dump one of them?" You mean, how can I be so illogical and flighty and unpredictable and emotional? Well, maybe I learned something from women after all.

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