At a Catholic high school, the popular girl teams up with a sophomore newspaper reporter to investigate a case of stolen SAT exams. Once the duo target their suspects, a larger conspiracy is unearthed.
High School. Four of the most important years of your life. But it isn't always dances and keg parties and sucking face in your parents' mini-van. Sometimes it's ugly and hard and complicated. As complicated as a conspiracy to overthrow the president. There's something rotten at St. Donovan's High and sophomore newspaper reporter Bobby Funke is on it like pink rubber bands on your little sister's braces. When senior hottie Francesca Facchini solicits Funke's help tracking down a set of stolen SATs, Funke uncovers a story dirtier than the lunch lady's mustache. After he fingers the school president (figuratively) for the crime, Funke becomes one of the most popular kids at St. Donovan's High. No longer known simply as the freshman who was once tied to a giant snowman penis, Funke wins the respect of everyone from the Desert-Storm-hero-turned-educator Principal Kirkpatrick to the kid that farts on him in Spanish class. When Francesca takes Funke to homecoming, even the in-school ... Written by
Yari Film Group
The screenplay for this film was featured in the 2006 Blacklist; a list of the "most liked" unmade scripts of the year. See more »
The Spanish teacher mispronounces the word "página." See more »
You want to know the truth about high school? You've got to break it down into its elements. Unfortunately, at St. Donovan's, the periodic table is more crooked than a case of scoliosis. Just give me the chance and I'll set it all straight. Case in point, Spanish homework. "Dame un batido de esperma" does not mean, "Take me to the airport." It means, "Give me a sperm milkshake." And 22 kids gave that as an answer in Spanish 3 last week. I'm not sure about the milkshake, ...
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I don't know what's wrong with Bruce Willis. He seems to be starring in more and more of these 'straight to DVD' films these days. I can't see him needing the money while he's still making Die Hard films, so why does he do it? Here, like so many other (non cinema) films, he puts his face on the front cover of the DVD box and various promotional material to lure people like me into thinking he's in it for more than a few minutes. In truth, his part is little more than an extended cameo.
The film is about a school that is entirely populated by stereotypes. The nerdy boy likes the hot girl. There are arrogant jocks and a host of other clichés. Then, when some test papers are stolen, the hot girl wants the nerdy boy to investigate for the school newspaper. So follows a sort of 'detective story' only with no actual detectives and in a school instead of a seedy criminal underworld. Plus the lead character narrates constantly. If he walks into a gym, he tells you he's going to walk into a gym then goes on to list every person taking part in a physical activity inside. Seriously, it was like watching a film with the director's commentary on! I was watching this film and it's never a good sign when you start wondering how long it's been on for. I guessed 45 minutes. I checked on the DVD timer and found I'd only watched 15 minutes. I'm afraid I couldn't last any more than 30 minutes of this.
Maybe it got better after that and, if I did myself and the film a disservice, I apologise. But the opening half an hour was so dull, full of clichés and over-narration, I just couldn't bring myself to watch it any more.
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