[Bernie is a hung-over patient who is yelling to God that he's going to die]
Dr. Kevin Moretti: [over the loudspeaker] Bernie, this is God! Hurry it up already!
[Frank is looking up the genealogy of everyone in the ER]
Frank Martin: Hey Pratt, mazel tov!
Dr. Gregory Pratt: You having a stroke, Frank?
Frank Martin: Did you know that your great-great-great-grandmother on your mother's side was an Ethiopian Jew?
Dr. Archie Morris: Wow, black and Jewish. You're like County's own Sammy Davis, Jr.
Frank Martin: What the heck is speed dating?
Dr. Archie Morris: It's a way for losers to meet other losers fast.
Dr. Dustin Crenshaw: Any trouble voiding?
Dr. Neela Rasgotra: No, my Foley's out.
Dr. Dustin Crenshaw: Are you still passing gas?
Dr. Lucien Dubenko: Would you stop, Dusty? I think she's been through enough already.
Dr. Dustin Crenshaw: No going home until Neela makes a poo-poo.
Dr. Abby Lockhart: Ma'am, what brings you here today?
Woman in waiting room: I'm here for the air. County air is very therapeutic.
Dr. Abby Lockhart: Okay... so you don't want to see a doctor or anything? You're just here to...
Woman in waiting room: Breathe.
Dr. Abby Lockhart: Right. Knock yourself out.
Nurse Samantha Taggart: A toast: to meeting nice guys.
Nurse Chuny Marquez: To falling in love.
Nurse Dawn Archer: To sex without batteries.