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Victor Reynolds arrives at the notorious House of Usher, whereupon he is greeted by old acquaintances Roderick and Madeline Usher and their servant, Markus. As Victor uncovers more about the history of the house and the disappearances of those that entered it previously, he begins to realize that he is in mortal danger. Written by
So terrible It's been 10 hours since I watched it and can't stop thinking about it.
After reading a one star review and looking over some of the actors' not surprisingly limited other work, I went into this knowing I shouldn't expect anything profound. As a gay man, the movie being described as softcore gay porn made me slightly curious. I thought maybe some eye candy would help make up for the low points. I was thinking it might just be another one of those films that had been written with some good potential but had missed the mark with too many awkward man-kiss moments. Only partly true...
Well... I will say that even with almost no expectations, this one still managed to disappoint me. The two male leads are, truth told, quite easy to look at and really their deliverance of their lines wasn't really that bad - just plain. The actress, however... was so god-awful I can't even bring myself to describe it, though I may possess the necessary skills of description.
To keep myself from going on and on about how bad it all was, I'll try to summarize in a little list.
* Script & dialogue - terrible. Tries to be modern and Poe at the same time... odd juxtapositioning of teenage relationship issues with "deep" conversations and really 5-dollar-word vocabulary. * Acting - Can't blame the actors for however bad it was, but still the male leads SHINE compared to the female. * Sex scenes - no actual sex. Not even hidden. Underwear are always on during sex scenes. Just lots of kissing and rubbing everywhere except where it counts. These scenes are very long and awkward. There are a couple of weird points where bare butts try to mix with spoooky surroundings, it just doesn't work unless you're *literally* homophobic, in which case I would think these scenes would be truly terrifying. * Plot - The writer has never heard of such a thing. * The "Twist" - While you may not see it coming, you have seen it before.
There are a couple of scenes or just shots where the lighting is nice, but the music is all really irritating and cheesy, and the leads are at their best in their scenes together, but there are only a couple of these. Unfortunately not even the erotic bits could save this one.
A warning to those like me: If you're looking for the homo-erotic, try something that makes no attempt to be anything other than a gay interest film. They haven't yet found a way to mix the profound with the homo.
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