Cappie: [as Keanu Reeves circa "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure"] Prometheus: a most historic Greek god dude who journeyed on a most excellent quest to bring fire to mankind only to incur the wrath of the odious Zeus who chained the dude on yonder mountaintop while an eagle egregiously scarfed the dude's liver up for, like, infinity.
Cappie: Yeah, I full-on read Campbell's book.
Casey Cartwright: Since this morning? That's impossible.
Cappie: A most bodacious masterpiece with many pages in which I forgoed an afternoon of non-bogus fun.
Cappie: [to Rusty and Casey] Oh! Look at this! The Cartwright kids! You know, you two should band together and solve mysteries, fight crime! You've got the perfect name for it, there's a sketchy janitor who I think is up to something...
Rusty Cartwright: The game's rigged. Old tests, pay tutors for cramming, drugs. College isn't about learning; it's a four year course on how to get buy and beat the system. It's supposed to be the last passion for education a place removed from society where you're inspired, not discouraged. A place where teachers teach and students learn.
Rusty Cartwright: Casey got lavaliered by Evan.
Casey Cartwright: Hey, that's supposed to be a secret.
Rusty Cartwright: Why'd you tell me?
Casey Cartwright: Good question.
Cappie: Congrats, Case.
Casey Cartwright: Thanks.
Cappie: Your kids will be very... Aryan.
Rusty Cartwright: So with almost everyone cheating is it really cheating if you cheat?
Ashleigh: [about Travis] He's the best thing that's ever happened to me!
Calvin Owens: So you said. Five times.
Rusty Cartwright: Dale you gotta be careful drinking all that caffeine.
Dale: No, my resting heart rate is...145, that's well within' tolerance
Rusty Cartwright: Yea, for a humming bird!
Dale: Okay, I need drugs. Who's got them? I'm not a narc. I'm just-I'm just a guy in a bind.