Shadoevision (1986 TV Movie)
Announcer: Oh! What next? Could a mere glitch in time bug up the work of Bjorn Murt, and oh what Faith has he that closeth the door? What Burke of Fateways awaits the Wiggy broadcasts Djohny departed? And what will mankind evolve into anyway? Don't miss the next whirl packed episode of Shadoevision. Coming soon.
Female Singers: Higher-Ho! Higher-Ho! Higher-Ho! Higher-Ho!
Dr. Milton Oak: If none of this makes sense to you?
Norman 'Norm' Jones: Really?
Dr. Milton Oak: It may already be too late.
Announcer: This is not mind control!
Dr. Milton Oak: Think about it!
The Bearded Man: You know who you are!
[Djony looks on as Neuter Blank works to explode a tomato with his mind:]
Wiggy Higgins: [entering] Sorry, Commander, but...
Djony Dakota: [interrupting] Shh!
Wiggy Higgins: ...But this is really important!
Djony Dakota: Wiggy, there is a tomato.
Wiggy Higgins: This is overwhelmingly more than just very very very important, sir!
Djony Dakota: [annoyed] Wiggy, I would like to watch this if you don't mind.
Wiggy Higgins: Sir, one of the doorways was left open.
Djony Dakota: ...Pardon me?
Wiggy Higgins: Inter-dimensional doorway!
Djony Dakota: Wiggy, an inter-dimensional doorway? The kind that link every dimension of now and then and here and there, the kind that when left open pull all of everything into a big nothing more incredibly nothing than anything we've ever known? I hope you're joking!
Wiggy Higgins: I wish I was. But look:
[plays back recording of Norman opening the door]
Wiggy Higgins: It's open.
Djony Dakota: Who is that?
Wiggy Higgins: Norman Jones.
Djony Dakota: What an *asshole.*
[Djony is starting the show:]
Djony Dakota: Welcome back to the show that keeps your mind in mind. If you're just now joining us, whaddya say we strap in for a little EV test, we're going to test your evolutionary IQ and find out just where you're coming from.
Djony Dakota: And when we do... We'll be broadcasting to your own personal level... Wiggy Higgins, ladies and gentlemen! Wiggy Higgins. Now remember... Don't look at your hands. Don't *worry* about them, but... Don't look at them. For the next thirty seconds, try to remember everything you're about to see. Here we go now...
[a frenetic montage of disjoint images and captions abruptly begins and ends]
Djony Dakota: Woo! Okay, now forget everything you've just seen and try not to remember everything coming up - ladies and gentlemen, I'm happy to announce that we are now broadcasting at your own personal level!
Dr. Milton Oak: Cosmi-cast live, twenty-four hours a day, with of course local access periodically. The programming you're about to see will actually accelerate your evolution ten lifetimes per viewing.
[Interspersed with random cut-aways:]
Dr. Milton Oak: Do not be alarmed. But research teams have proven that brain worms do exist. Carnivorous little parasites. Worms with teeth!
[nibbles at the air]
Dr. Milton Oak: They do this:
[nibbles some more]
Dr. Milton Oak: Do this:
Dr. Milton Oak: They're in there! Gnawing and tearing away brain tissue. In fact your head works like an incubator for the... for the breeding and feeding of these filthy little...
[drifts into disturbing laughter]
Dr. Milton Oak: Where do they come from? Nobody knows. Why do they multiply? *Bad Attitude!* "I can't do this, I can't do that, I can't do this, it's impossible, it'll never work..." WORMS!