The Mad Hatter: There is a place. Like no place on Earth. A land full of wonder, mystery, and danger! Some say to survive it: You need to be as mad as a hatter.
[picks up his hat]
The Mad Hatter: Which luckily I am.
The Red Queen: Off with their heads!
The Red Queen: I need a pig here!
[Live pig is slid under her feet]
The Red Queen: I love a warm pig belly for my aching feet.
The March Hare: You're all late for tea!
The Mad Hatter: What a regrettably large head you have. I would very much like to hat it. I used to hat The White Queen, you know. Her head was so small.
The Red Queen: It's tiny. It's a pimple of a head.
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: If you're hiding her, you will lose your heads.
The Mad Hatter: [as Stayn clutches his throat]
The Mad Hatter: Already lost them.
Cheshire Cat: [suddenly appearing]
[notices the marks on Alice's arm]
Cheshire Cat: It looks like you ran afoul of something with wicked claws.
Alice Kingsley: [to herself] I've never stopped dreaming.
Cheshire Cat: What did that to you?
Alice Kingsley: Bander who... the bander...
Cheshire Cat: The Bandersnatch?
[suddenly appears behind Alice, she turns to face him]
Cheshire Cat: Well, I'd better have a look.
Alice Kingsley: What are you doing?
Cheshire Cat: It needs to be purified by someone with evaporting skills, or it will fester and putrefy.
Alice Kingsley: I'd rather you didn't. I'll be fine as soon as I wake up.
Cheshire Cat: At least let me bind it for you?
[Alice holds out her arm and he wraps the wound with a piece of cloth]
Cheshire Cat: What do you call yourself?
Alice Kingsley: Alice.
Cheshire Cat: *The* Alice?
Alice Kingsley: There's been some debate about that.
Cheshire Cat: I never get involved in politics.
The Mad Hatter: Have I gone mad?
[Alice checks Hatter's temperature]
Alice Kingsley: I'm afraid so. You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are.
The Mad Hatter: I'm investigating things that begin with the letter M.
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: Alice has escaped.
[Red Queen slaps him]
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: On the Bandersnatch.
[Red Queen slaps him again]
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: With the Vorpal Sword.
[Red Queen slaps him again]
The Mad Hatter: [to Alice] You used to be much more..."muchier." You've lost your muchness.
Cheshire Cat: Goodbye, sweet hat.
Blue Caterpillar: Who are you?
Alice Kingsley: Absolem?
Blue Caterpillar: You're not Absolem. I'm Absolem. Stupid girl.
Jabberwocky: So my old foe, we meet on the battlefield once again.
Alice Kingsley: We've never met.
Jabberwocky: Not you, insignificant bearer. My ancient enemy, the Vorpal one.
Alice Kingsley: Alright, that's enough chatter.
[Alice slices off the Jabberwocky's tongue]
The Red Queen: You're right, Stayne. It is far better to be feared than loved.
The Mad Hatter: Have you any idea why a raven is like a writing desk?
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: We're looking for the girl called Alice.
The Mad Hatter: Speaking of the Queen, here's a little song we used to sing in her honor:
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: [Wraps arm around Hatter's throat] If you're hiding her you'll lose your heads.
The Mad Hatter: *Already lost them.* All together now!
The March Hare: Spoon!
Alice Kingsley: How's *this* for muchness?
The Mad Hatter: 'Twas brillig/and the slithy toves/did gyre and gimbel in the wabe/all mimsy were the borogoves/and the mome raths outgrabe.
The Red Queen: How would you like to have your head hacked off?
The Mad Hatter: [chuckles]
The Red Queen: Stop that.
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: [Stayne sees Alice] And who is this lovely creature?
The Red Queen: Um, my new favourite.
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: [to Alice] What is your name?
The Red Queen: Um.
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: [to Alice] I believe your name has slipped the Queen's mind.
The Red Queen: Her name is Um, IDIOT!
The Mad Hatter: When that day comes I shall futterwacken... vigorously.
Alice Kingsley: I've been shrunk, stretched, scratched and stuffed into a teapot!
Dodo Bird: [Watching Alice struggle with size changing] You'd think she'd remember all of this from the first time.
The Mad Hatter: Well. The entire world is falling to ruins and poor Cheshire's off his tea.
The Mad Hatter: Your carriage, my lady.
Alice Kingsley: A hat?
The Mad Hatter: Of course. Anyone can go by horse or rail, but the absolute best way to travel is by hat. Have I made a rhyme?
Lady Ascot: Imbeciles! The garden is planted with white roses when I've specifically asked the red.
Alice Kingsley: You can always paint the roses red.
Lady Ascot: What an odd thing to say.
Alice Kingsley: [the March Hare throws some food toward the kitchen entrance as the White Queen enters, and ducks under the tossed food, Alice follows] Is the March Hare here?
The March Hare: [exclaims] You're late for your soup you we buzzem! You're late for your soup!
Alice Kingsley: [walks in and tastes the spattered food] Could use some salt.
The March Hare: Come here, you!
[the Hare tosses a salt shaker at Alice, who ducks out of the way]
Alice Kingsley: [to a blue butterfly landing on her shoulder] Hello, Absolem.
The Mad Hatter: Why is it you're always too small or too tall?
The Red Queen: And what is this?
White Rabbit: It's a who, majesty. This is... um...
The Red Queen: 'Um'?
Alice Kingsley: From Umbridge.
The Red Queen: What happened to your clothes?
Alice Kingsley: I outgrew them. I've been growing an awful lot lately. I tower over everyone in Umbridge. They laugh at me. So, I've come to you hoping you might understand what it's like.
The Red Queen: My dear girl, anyone with a head that large is welcome in my court. Someone find her some clothes, use the curtains if you must, but clothe this enormous girl.
The Red Queen: Someone has stolen three of my tarts!
Lady Ascot: Do you know what I fear most?
Alice Kingsley: The decline of the aristocracy?
Lady Ascot: Ugly grandchildren.
Alice Kingsley: I try to believe in as many as six impossible things before breakfast. Count them, Alice. One, there are drinks that make you shrink. Two, there are foods that make you grow. Three, animals can talk. Four, cats can disappear. Five, there is a place called Underland. Six, I can slay the Jabberwocky.
The Mad Hatter: 'Twas brillig, and the slithy toves Did gyre and gimble in the wabe: All mimsy were the borogoves, And the mome raths outgrabe.
Alice Kingsley: Sorry, what was that?
The Mad Hatter: What was what?
The Mad Hatter: The Jabberwock, with eyes aflame, Jaws that bait and claws that catch, Beware the Jabberwock, my son, The frumious Bandersnatch He took his vorpal sword in hand The vorpal blade went snicker-snack He left it dead, and with its head He went galumphing back. Its all about you, you know
Alice Kingsley: I'm not slaying anything. I don't slay, so put it out of your mind
The Mad Hatter: ...Mind?
[Hatter stops, puts Alice down on a log, and continues walking]
Alice Kingsley: Wait! You Cant leave me here!
The Mad Hatter: You don't slay? Do you have any idea what the Red Queen has done? You don't slay.
Alice Kingsley: I couldn't if i wanted to.
The Mad Hatter: You're not the same as you were before You were much more..."muchier" You've lost your "muchness"
Alice Kingsley: My "muchness"?
The Mad Hatter: [Points to Alice's heart] In there.
The Red Queen: She's slain my Jabber-baby-wocky?
Alice Kingsley: Hatter, why *is* a raven like a writing desk?
The Mad Hatter: I haven't the slightest idea.
Cheshire Cat: All this talk of blood and slaying has put me off my tea.
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: Well, if it isn't my favorite trio... of lunatics.
The Mad Hatter: Down with the bloody Red Queen!
Alice Kingsley: I *make* the path!
Alice Kingsley: Lost my muchness, have I?
White Rabbit: Well. If it isn't the *wrong* Alice.
The Mad Hatter: What is the hatter with me?
The Red Queen: Never mind him. He's mad.
White Queen: You're a little taller than I thought you'd be.
Blue Caterpillar: You're almost Alice.
The Mad Hatter: Yes, yes-but you would have to be half-mad to dream me up.
White Queen: Because when you step out to face that creature, you will step out on your own.
Blue Caterpillar: I can't help you if you don't even know who you are, stupid girl.
The March Hare: Twinkle twinkle twinkle twinkle...
Dormouse: I'm right behind you.
The Mad Hatter: Rise up against the bloody red queen.
The Mad Hatter: [Hatter looks scornfully at her]
Alice Kingsley: Enough chatter.
Alice Kingsley: [Chops off Jabberwocky's tongue. The White Queen looks like she's going to puke]
The Mad Hatter: You could stay.
Alice Kingsley: What an idea. What a mad, crazy, wonderful idea.
[They smile at each other]
Alice Kingsley: ... But I can't.
Cheshire Cat: Who are you?
Alice Kingsley: I'm Alice.
Cheshire Cat: *The* Alice?
Alice Kingsley: There's some dispute about that.
Alice Kingsley: I'm sorry, Hamish. I can't marry you. You're not the right man for me. And there's that trouble with your digestion.
[Alice walks over to her sister]
Alice Kingsley: I love you, Margaret, but this is my life. I'll decide what to do with it.
[Alice turns to Lowell, meeting his sour look with a stern glare]
Alice Kingsley: You're lucky to have my sister for your wife, Lowell, and be good to her. I'll be watching very closely.
[Alice goes up to Aunt Imogene and takes her hands]
Alice Kingsley: There is no prince, Aunt Imogene. You need to talk to someone about these delusions.
[Alice walks past Lady Ascot, looking sternly at her]
Alice Kingsley: I happen to love rabbits, especially white ones.
[Alice goes up to her mother]
Alice Kingsley: Don't worry, Mother. I'll find something useful to do with my life.
[Alice turns to the Chattaway sisters]
Alice Kingsley: You two remind me of some funny boys I met in a dream.
Lord Ascot: You've left me out.
Alice Kingsley: No, I haven't, sir. You and I have business to discuss.
Lord Ascot: Shall we speak in the study?
[Alice smiles and starts to head to the house, when suddenly she turns back to the crowd]
Alice Kingsley: Oh. And one more thing.
[Alice lifts the hem of her dress to her knees and does the Futterwacken]
Lord Ascot: Charles, you have lost your senses? This picture is impossible.
Charles Kingsleigh: Precisely. Gentlemen, the only way to achieve the impossible, is to believe it's possible.
Alice Kingsley: It's only a dream...
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: Alice... Of course, why didn't I see it? Well, it has been a long time and you were such a little tyke then.
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: Um forced herself on me. I told her my heart belongs to you-she's obsessed with me.
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: Arrest that girl for unlawful seduction!
Cheshire Cat: How's the arm, love?
The Mad Hatter: [from trailer]
[Meeting the Red Queen]
The Mad Hatter: You have a regrettably large head! I would very much like to hat it!
The Red Queen: [the Mad Hatter is brought into The Red Queen's court] Where is Alice?
The Mad Hatter: I've been considering words that start with the letter M. Moron. Mutiny. Murder. Mmm-malice.
The Red Queen: Well, we're looking for an A word right now. Where is Alice?
Alice Kingsley: Aunt Imogene, I think I'm going mad. I keep seeing a rabbit in a waistcoat.
Aunt Imogene: Can't be bothered with your fancy rabbit now. I'm waiting for my fiance.
Alice Kingsley: You have a fiance?
Aunt Imogene: Hmm.
Alice Kingsley: [sees White Rabbit again] There! Did you see it?
Aunt Imogene: [ignores] He's a prince. But alas, he cannot marry me unless he renounces his throne. It's tragic, isn't it?
Alice Kingsley: Very.
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: [pinning Alice against the wall] I like you, Um. I like... largeness.
Alice Kingsley: Who's to say what is "proper"? What if it was agreed that "proper" was wearing a codfish on your head? Would you wear it?
The Red Queen: Ilosovic Stayne, you Knave. Where have you been lurking?
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: Majesty, I have found... the Oraculum.
[unrolls it with a flourish]
The Red Queen: Is that it? Seems so ordinary for an oracle.
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: [pointing] Look here, on the Frabjous Day.
The Red Queen: [frowning] I'd know that tangled mess of hair anywhere. Is it Alice?
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: I believe it is.
The Red Queen: What's she doing to my darling Jabberwocky?
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: [examining his gloves, deadpan] She appears to be slaying it.
The Red Queen: [angry] She killed my Jabberbabywocky?
Stayne - Knave of Hearts: Not yet, but it will happen if we don't stop her.
Alice Kingsley: Off with your head.
Alice Kingsley: Do you think I've gone 'round the bend?
Charles Kingsleigh: I'm afraid so... you're mad. Bonkers. Off your head... but I'll tell you a secret... all of the best people are.
Alice Kingsley: From the moment I fell down that rabbit hole I've been told where I must go and who I must be. I've been shrunk, stretched, scratched, and stuffed into a teapot. I've been accused of being Alice and of not being Alice but this is *my* dream. *I'll* decide where it goes from here.
[the Executioner tries to take off the hat of the Mat Hatter at the beheading platform]
The Mad Hatter: I'd like to keep it on.
Executioner: Suit yourself. As long as I can get at your neck.
White Queen: Alice, you cannot live your life to please others. The choice must be yours, because when you step out to face that creature, you will step out alone.